Branded
by Leelan Oleander
Summary: Bella Swan is living in a nightmare. Her parents are dead and she is hiding something too horrific to tell her older brother Emmett. When the secret comes out, they are shipped off to live with their godparents Carlisle & Esme Cullen. AU-Human
1. Ch 1 Secrets and Lies

**_This is my first attempt at writing fanfic. I've struggled with putting it out for people to read because, well, I'm just that wimpy. ;) Please read and review, good or bad. I can handle it. This first chapter is short, but I can assure you that the later ones are not.  
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**_All characters belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and I really apologize for what happens to some of them in this story. Believe it or not, I do adore them.  
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_**This story contains explicit language, abuse, rape, and yes, some happy moments. It's not all doom and gloom.**

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Crack.

Another bone snapped under the weight of his jackhammer punches.

Crack.

Cool air caressed her stinging skin but she was confused as to where it was coming from until she made impact at the bottom of the stairs.

"Stupid bitch. You fat, stupid bitch. You're bleeding on the floor and you cracked the banister. What am I going to tell my father now? I hope you're happy."

Bella couldn't be happy. She couldn't be anything. The darkness was mercifully taking her away from the yelling, the pain, the beating.

She felt someone jerking her head up. It was a strange, disjointed feeling, almost out-of-body. It was as if she could see what he was doing in her mind's eye.

"Bella, get up."

Getting up would be a good thing to do, but she couldn't. _Great_, she thought, _he's really going to take a piece out of me this time._

The darkness was retreating, plunging her back into the stark, brutal, and cruel reality of the moment. Her shirt was pulled up and the burning end of a cigarette was butted against her skin repeatedly.

The rules were simple: Keep the burns, bruises, and cuts hidden. No one can find out. Never cry. Never tell. Never fight back.

"Bella, wake up!" James kicked her in the ribs.

"Awake," she mumbled.

"Did I tell you to speak?"

She shook her head.

James pulled her to her feet and dragged her to the corner. "Sit here and stop crying. Emmett'll be here soon."

_Emmett- my older brother and my saviour. If only he knew how his so-called best friend treated his baby sister,_ Bella thought hazily.

"Drink this," James ordered as he thrust a glass to her lips and drained it, spilling more of it on her than in her. It burned like acid. She choked.

"That's expensive bourbon, you ungrateful piece of shit," he backhanded her. The metallic taste of blood began to overpower the burning alcohol flavour.

_Oh, _she thought, _he was going to play the 'Bella came over, got loaded and fell down the stairs again' card._

"If you blow this Bella, your brother'll never believe you. He'll pick me over you every time. I'm his best friend and you're just his fat, ugly, little pain in the ass sister. He's all you've got left. DON'T. FUCK. THIS. UP."

Emmett stomped into the house as if on cue. "James, where is..." he inhaled sharply. "What the hell Bella! Not again!"

The pain was starting to bring back the blackness and Bella' head lolled as she lost consciousness.

"James, what the hell? Are you feeding her booze?"

"No man, I think she was loaded when she got here. I was up in the shower and when I came down, she was pounding back my dad's bottle of expensive bourbon. You owe me $70 by the way. Anyway, she went upstairs to use the bathroom and wiped out on the way back. She busted up my banister."

"Dude," Emmett said as he clapped James on the back. "I'm really sorry. I don't know what to do with her. Things have been hard since Mom and Dad died, and I guess she's not dealing with it very well. I think I might have to send her to a shrink or something if this doesn't stop."

James feigned concern. "Maybe you should put her in a home or send her to rehab or better yet, to fat camp."

"Shut up, man. She's my baby sister. I'm not going to toss her away. I love her. And shut up about her weight. She's just a little chubby."

Emmett went to the corner and picked up his limp sister. "Oh Belly, what am I going to do with you?"

James opened the front door for him. "Oh yeah, if you change your mind, dude dropped off a new batch of juice. Football season is coming soon..."

"Hell no! I told you before that I don't need to get caught up in that bullshit. I've got enough shit to deal with without dealing with 'roid rage and I'd like to keep my twig and two berries nice and big and juicy, unlike you, shrivel nuts."

"The offer stands, man. If you want to win state and get a proper scholarship so you can get the hell out of Phoenix you shouldn't bite the hand that feeds you."

"Whatever. Later buddy. Sorry about Bella."

Emmett carried his sister out to his Jeep and buckled her into the passenger seat. "I'm too young to be raising a troubled kid and you're too young to be an orphan, Belly," he said as he passed a hand over her pale cheek. He noticed a bump and saw bruising beginning to form. He went to push a stray lock of brown hair behind her ear and felt something wet on his fingers. When he pulled them back they were covered in blood. Gently, he turned her head and saw blood trickling from her left ear.

"Bella! My god!"


	2. Ch 2 Our Place

_**Again, all characters belong to the incredible Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing of great value.**_

Emmett helped Bella from the Jeep. She wobbled a little before he steadied her.

"You're still half-asleep, aren't you?" He laughed that deep laugh of his.

"Maybe," she mumbled groggily. "Are we there yet?"

He ruffled her hair. "Yup."

A shrill scream pierced Bella's brain and before she could react, she was tackled by a blur of spiky black pixieness. "Bella! You're here!"

This had to be Alice. She had been warned by Esme that Alice was a little rambunctious.

"I'm so happy you're here! We're going to be the best of friends!"

"Emmett," Bella croaked. "A little help?" Her ribs were starting to throb again.

Bella was forever grateful that her older brother was the big guy that he was. Even though she was far from slim, he had always been able to carry her. Only three years separated them but instead of looking eighteen, sometimes he looked twenty-five.

Emmett smiled at her as he helped her to her feet. Alice was bouncing around in circles around them.

A young and stunningly beautiful-looking couple stepped off the enormous porch and approached them. "Bella! Love, come here." Esme said as she pulled her into a tight motherly hug. Bella's breath caught and wasn't sure if it was the memory of hugging her own mother or the pain in her ribs that made her want to cry more. "Welcome home baby girl!"

"Thanks Mrs. Cullen." Bella mumbled into her bronze hair. She felt a lump in her throat when Esme pulled back and fixed her green eyes on Bella's big browns.

"Please Bella, call me Esme." Bella was sure Esme knew her shame, or at least some of it. No one knew it all; in fact, they only knew a tiny fraction of the hell she'd endured.

Carlisle moved over to her next. His kind eyes, unlike his wife's, betrayed no pity, only quiet understanding, and compassion.

Esme spoke up. "Please come in. We'll have dinner before we show you to your place."

_Our place?_ Bella thought.

Emmett vocalized her thought. "What place?"

"We'll explain over dinner. Alice, quit bouncing and fetch Edward, will you?"

Alice bounded up the stairs ahead of them.

"Welcome and please make yourselves at home," Esme said as she gave them a quick tour of the first floor.

The Cullens' house was unlike anything Bella had ever seen outside of a magazine. It was the size of a mansion and instead of exterior walls it seemed the house was made entirely of glass. The living room was larger than the entire first floor of Bella and Emmett's childhood home back in Phoenix. The TV was almost as big as a movie theatre screen. There was an entire wall of DVDs, video games and CDs.

She shook her head in awe as Esme led her to the dining room. The massive wood table was set to the nines: linen table runner, linen placemats and napkins, real silver cutlery, silver candelabra ...

"Bella dear, please take a seat. I'll go get the food."

"Esme," she said quietly. "Can I help you?"

"You've had a long day, sweetie, why don't you sit and rest."

She stood up. "Please?"

Esme smiled at her. "If you want to, I'd be honoured."

Bella doubted that, but the need to be close to her mother's best friend was strong. The feeling of safety was overwhelming. She stood beside Esme who took her hand and led her to the kitchen while Carlisle and Emmett remained chatting at the table.

"How're you doing, sweetie?"

She stopped in her tracks and exhaled loudly at the vision before her. "Beautiful," she muttered.

"What's beautiful dear?"

"This."

"The kitchen?" Esme giggled.

"Heaven," Bella said as she tried to take it all in. Two walls of the expansive culinary wet dream kitchen were glass, allowing what little bit of light getting through the heavy mist and fog to shimmer off the stainless steel appliances.

"Do you enjoy cooking?"

"What? Oh," Bella's mood suddenly changed. "I used to."

"Please feel free to invade our kitchen any time you like."

"Thanks," she said as she stared down at her ripped Chucks.

"Can you grab the potatoes and gravy? I'll bring the vegetables. Edward?"

The sound of Esme yelling for her son made Bella jump.

"Edward, sweetheart, can you please bring the roast to the table?"

"Sure, mom.

Bella gasped when she turned around and nearly dropped the bowl and gravy boat she was carrying. Before her stood the most beautiful boy she'd ever seen. He had his mother's stunning green eyes and bronze hair, but seemed to have his father's physique. He smiled at her.

"You must be Bella. I'm Edward. I'd offer a hand, but mine are currently full."

She couldn't speak. She just nodded and turned her gaze back to her ragged sneakers.

Edward motioned toward the dining room. "Shall we?"

"Uh, sure."

Thankfully they made it to the table without Bella dropping anything. Dinner was lively, yet Bella chose to remain quiet. She picked absently at her food while the others spoke. She dared to look up once and found the green-eyed god smiling at her. Quickly, she looked back down at the arrangement of green beans on her plate.

"Bella dear, is there something wrong? You've barely touched your dinner. Are you feeling okay?"

Conscious that everyone was starting at her, she tried to hide the blush creeping up her cheeks. "No," she said so quietly she wasn't sure anyone heard her. "I'm just tired."

"Of course you are. I'm sorry. Would you like me to show you to your place?"

Emmett spoke up. "You keep saying 'our place'. You mean our rooms, right?"

Esme beamed, as did Alice. "Well, seeing as you two had been living on your own for the past year and were unlikely to be used to constant parental involvement, we redid a little cottage on the property. It's just out back so you're close enough if you need us, but you'll have your privacy. Of course we'll ask that you come join us for dinner every night."

"Are you serious Esme? You really didn't have to."

"Say no more Emmett. Esme is an interior designer and is always looking for a project. She and Alice had been working away at restoring it when we received the call that you'd be coming, so they were more than happy to finish it up." Carlisle said as he looked lovingly at his wife and daughter.

"I hope you'll like it. Of course you're always welcome to hang out here with us," Alice added.

"Alice has been very excited to have another girl here, and I know Edward was looking forward to having a guy around. Now Bella, why don't we go to your place and get you settled in? We've been calling it 'Casa Swan.' Edward honey, why don't you show Emmett the service road down to the cottage so he can drive down with their belongings?"

"Sure thing, Mom."

Esme took Bella by the arm and led her out to the back deck where she pointed toward a path. "We just have to go a few feet and we're there."

Bella's head was swimming. She wasn't sure if it was a residual of her brain injury or trying to process everything that was going on.

"Are you sure you're okay, dear?"

"Tired."

"Of course, dear. Let's go."

The cottage, or 'Casa Swan' as they called it, was so far from being what Bella had always pictured a cottage would look like. She had visions of the typical fairy tale stone cottage nestled in a small clearing in the woods. This was not your average cottage by any means. Sure, it was smaller than the main house, but this smaller home was bigger than her childhood home.

The front door opened up into a living room decked out with leather couches and top-of-the-line electronics. The television took up almost an entire wall. Emmett was going to be ecstatic.

Beyond the front room there was a smaller one just before the kitchen. When Esme opened the door, Bella fell backward and landed on her ass, eyes wide open. Edward, who had just carried in a box, quickly dropped it and ran to help her up.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah. Wow!" She couldn't believe her eyes.

Esme wrapped her arms around her. I heard that you enjoyed reading."

The room had been turned into a small library. Two walls were lined floor-to-ceiling with books, while a third had an empty bookcase. "I thought you could put the books you brought with you in there," Esme whispered.

Bella's heart broke. She wobbled unsteadily over to the elegant settee situated beside a working propane fireplace and sat, her head coming to rest in her hands.

Esme motioned for a confused Edward to leave the room.

"Dear, what's wrong?"

Bella sobbed. Esme pulled her into a hug. "What is it Bella? Do you not like the room? I'm sorry, I can get rid of the books if you want. I just thought that you'd like a little retreat from your brother, who I would imagine will be monopolizing the living room. I even had it soundproofed..."

"It's perfect," Bella managed between sobs. "How did you know I always wanted a window seat?"

"Your mother always loved the one we had in our dorm. I put it here because this whole room reminds me of Renée. I hoped you would feel the same way."

She looked at Esme, who was crying now. "She would have loved it. I love it. Thank you."

"Let's go to your room. Hopefully you'll like it. Alice kind of took it over; she wanted to give it a teenager's touch."

_Oh good lord,_ thought Bella. _It's probably pink and all frou frou._

Surprisingly, it wasn't. It was a light mauve and very understated. The queen-sized bed took up a fair amount of space but there was still room for a beautiful antique roll-top desk, on which sat a brand new laptop.

"Oh Esme, I couldn't," Bella stammered as she ran her hands over the smooth top of the machine. "It's too much."

"That is a welcome gift from Edward."

"It's too much."

"If you think that's too much, you may not want to look in the closet," Alice chirped from behind her.

"The closet?"

Esme shook her head. "It's all returnable if you don't like it, dear. Alice seems to think she can know what people will like and she makes it her life's mission to keep us all well-dressed and in style. I'm afraid she may have gone a little crazy."

With much trepidation, Bella flung open the double French doors to see another entire room, almost the size of her actual bedroom, full of clothes and shoes. Her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach when she realized that these clothes probably wouldn't fit her. She was a size 12 at best, while Alice might be a -12.

The pixie took her hand. "I wasn't sure exactly what size your wear so I took a stab at it."

Bella reached for a soft leather jacket and tried it on. It fit perfectly. "Thank you Alice, really."

The tiny girl wrapped her arms around Bella. "I'm so happy to have a sister my own age. I love you already, Bella."

Alice danced off. There was really no other way to describe it. Bella wondered if they somehow managed to harness some of Alice's energy if they could use it to power a small village somewhere. Bella shook her head and smiled. As if she could read her mind, Esme assured her that she would eventually get used to Alice and her crazy energy.

After showing her the ensuite bathroom and pointing out where Emmett's room was, Esme left her with a new cell phone pre-programmed with each of the Cullens' phone numbers and Emmett's new number.

"If you need anything, sweetie, do not hesitate to call, and please join me for breakfast tomorrow morning, that is, if you want to. No pressure."

"Thank you, Esme. Thank you for everything," Bella said as she hugged her. _More than anything, thank you for saving me,_ she thought as she watched her walk away.


	3. Ch 3 Branded

_**Again, Stephenie Meyer owns these wonderfully rich characters we love to torture so much.**_

_**This chapter is a rough one...More is found out about what happened to poor Bella. It might be a bit hard for some people to read, so if you're overly sensitive, you may not want to continue.

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Bella awoke to big strong arms wrapping around her. First instinct was to fight. James had found her and was going to...

"Belly, baby, stop! It's me, Emmett. It's big bro. It's all good, you're safe."

"Emmett? Where...what..."

"You were having a nightmare. It's okay."

It wasn't okay. The contents of her stomach lurched. "Em...gonna..."

"Oh shit, hang on kiddo. Let me grab the garbage can."

Just in the nick of time, Emmett was able to get the plastic container under Bella's head before she spewed violently. It was mostly acidic bile.

He rubbed her back gently. "Easy Belly, it's okay."

"Thanks Em,"' she croaked.

"What are big brothers for? Now, where's your bathroom? I'll get a facecloth for you."

"Through the closet...the double..." she retched again.

"I'll find it." He whistled when he opened the closet doors. "Man, Belly, you're going to be the best-dressed girl in the tenth grade."

"Em, hurry..." she begged.

Cold facecloth and a glass of water in hand, Emmett returned and started to clean her up. She hated when this happened and she detested the feeling of vulnerability she felt when her brother had to take care of her.

He curled up beside her and pulled her into a hug. "I love you Belly. Things'll be better now, I promise. No one will hurt you here and I won't be so blind now."

She turned his face toward her. "Stop blaming yourself Em. It's not your fault. I should have told you."

"Do not blame yourself Isabella Marie Swan. I'm the big brother and I should have pulled my head out of my arse and looked after you instead of letting my roided-up best friend use you as a tackling dummy.

"We've got a new life here. No one knows us, and no one will ever touch you again. It's going to be better."

Bella woke up the next morning to find Esme standing in the doorway smiling sadly at her. Emmett was still wrapped around her snoring. The garbage can of vomit was still beside the bed. A rush of red embarrassment shot up her face as she groaned. Emmett stirred beside her.

"What time is it?" he asked groggily. "What's that smell?"

"Chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs, and orange juice," Esme said as she approached the bed. "I hope you don't mind that I let myself in. It's almost noon and I was worried you might be hungry."

Emmett's stomach growled. "I'm always hungry."

Bella grimaced when she saw the food. Her stomach was still churning. The smell from the garbage can was overpowering the aroma of the huge breakfast. She pulled herself out of Emmett's grip and went to dispose of the vomit.

When she returned Emmett was chowing down and Esme was watching in awe. "Does he..."

"Yes, he always eats like that, more if it's football season."

"What about you? Aren't you hungry dear?"

"No, my stomach is off. I might try some soda crackers later. I'll let Emmett eat my share of the breakfast."

"This was for both of us?" he asked. "Oops."

The three of them laughed. Esme gave Bella a quick hug. "Dear, Carlisle would like to talk to you once you're dressed and ready."

She panicked. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no dear. He just wants to go over your medical charts."

Fear took over and Bella ran to the bathroom where she threw up again.

"Sweetie, it's okay. I'll stay with you and Emmett can come too. He's just concerned with some of your injuries, that's all. There's no need to be scared."

Of course there was reason to be scared. A doctor could figure out the truth and it was something she never wanted anyone to find out.

"Belly, are you okay?"

"Yeah," she called out. "I'm going to take a shower. I'll be out in a bit."

Esme asked her again to come to the house as soon as she was ready.

She cranked the hot water until it scalded her. She'd had a dream once that the scars on her body had fallen off during a particularly hot shower, so ever since she naively tried to repeat it. Every time she was disappointed.

Bella swiped the condensation from the large lit-up vanity mirror above the sink. She stared at the many marks on her skin—cigarette burns, cuts that should have been stitched, disfigured ribs poking out awkwardly and worst of all was the word PIG burned across her stomach in big, crude letters.

She sat on the floor against the shower stall, pulled her knees up and cried at the hideous monster she'd become. No one would ever love her. James was right; she was a worthless, ugly pig.

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A large, thick, oak door loomed before her. Hesitant, Bella knocked quietly.

"Come in," Carlisle's cheerful voice called out.

The office was large and homey. An old fireplace was the biggest focal point of the room, followed by a large, hand-hewn cross hanging above the mantle.

Carlisle sat beaming on the corner of his big desk. "Please Bella, make yourself at home. Will anyone be joining us?"

"No sir," she replied nervously. "I'd rather not."

"Esme and Emmett are just a phone call away if you change your mind. Please, take a seat."

Bella sat on the big, soft leather sofa and stared at the hardwood floor while Carlisle looked through a rather thick file on his desk.

"Bella?"

She jumped. "Yes, sir."

"Please, dear, call me Carlisle. Sir makes me feel so old."

"Sorry," she sighed. Great. Now he was mad at her.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes si...Carlisle."

He stood and came around the desk to sit beside her. She flinched.

"Bella, please don't be scared. I won't hurt you. I just want to talk."

Tears threatened to give her away. She wasn't so much terrified of the kind man beside her, she was afraid to tell him the truth of what had happened. He might send her away, and worse than that, if it was spoken out loud it would really be true.

"I think maybe we should get Esme to come join us, don't you?"

"Maybe," she paused for a moment, then shook her head. Esme didn't need to be infected by Bella's past. "No, please. I'll be good, I promise."

"You misunderstand me, dear. It's not about you being 'good.' I just thought you might want some support."

"She doesn't need to know. Not now."

"Okay, it's your choice. Shall we begin?"

Carlisle stood up and walked to his desk and picked up the file again. "Bella dear, I only know was much as Emmett has told me and what your medical file says. I promise that anything you tell me will stay between us until you tell me otherwise. Can you trust me?"

She nodded, gaze still affixed to the hardwood. There were four visible knots in the wood between the couch and his desk. There were two scuff marks and a dent as well.

"How long did James abuse you, Bella?"

Her head snapped up and her jaw dropped. No one had ever come right out and asked like that.

"About a year," she whispered. "It started just after mom and dad died. Emmett used to take me there to wait for him to run errands or James would come over to sit with me."

"How did it start?" Carlisle sat back down beside her.

"Uhm, I guess it was a couple of days after they died. I was in my room crying when he came in."

Bella's stomach churned. She swallowed hard and hoped it wouldn't be a repeat of the previous night. She couldn't tell Carlisle this...he'd think she was dirty.

"What happened?"

"I...I...I can't..." she ran for the wastepaper basked by his desk. She heaved over and over into it, nothing coming up but burning bile and foam. Carlisle rubbed her back while he made a phone call. Moments later Esme was wiping her face with a cold cloth and urging her to drink some water.

"Maybe we should talk another day. May I at least check your head and the burns?"

She shook her head. "Please don't look. Please!"

"I won't hurt you and Esme will be right here."

Bella sat back on the couch as Carlisle probed the sore spot on her head and the bruise on her cheek. They seem to be healing nicely. "The sutures in your head held together very well. There should be minimal scarring. Now, can I see the burns please?"

She curled up defensively in a ball. "PLEASE! NO!"

"Would you like Esme to check instead?"

"NO!"

He kneeled before her. "What is it Bella?"

"You'll...you'll think..."

"I won't think anything dear. Nothing will change how and what we think of you."

She cringed, but relented. "Okay."

Carlisle and Esme lifted the light cotton of her t-shirt and gasped.

Bella started to cry. "See! I knew you'd react like that! You think I'm disgusting!"

Esme held Bella to her in a hug. "No sweetie, you're not disgusting. Don't ever think that. You're beautiful and wonderful and loved. That monster may have marked you, but it doesn't change who you are."

"But I always have to see it. I'll always be a pig!"

"What do you mean?" Carlisle asked.

Exhaling deeply, Bella pulled her shirt up all the way. Just below the line of her bra were those three ugly scars that spelled PIG. "See what I mean! He's branded me! I'm always going to be his pig!"

Bella sobbed hysterically. She started pacing around the room like a caged animal.

Esme and Carlisle looked nervously at each other. How were they going to calm her down?

Emmett knocked on the door before entering. "Why is Bella..." he was cut off as his little sister flung herself at him. "What's going on? Why is Bella crying? Belly, talk to me!"

He carried her over to the couch and sat with her on his lap. "Sh, Belly, what's up?"

"Bella, does Emmett know?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know," she sniffled into Emmett's shirt.

"Do I know what?" Emmett asked quietly.

"Bella, may I?"

"I don't care anymore. Tell the whole fucking world."

"Belly, watch your language."

"Sorry."

Carlisle knelt in front of them. "Did you know the extent of the abuse Emmett?"

"Just tell me, Carlisle, I can't deal with this."

"Did you know that James branded her?"

Emmett roared, causing Bella to cry even harder. "HE WHAT?"

Carlisle looked at Bella for permission to lift her shirt. She nodded fearfully and clung tighter to her brother while she sobbed. She didn't care if the Cullens hated her, she was, however, scared that Em would think she was defective and leave her. If he knew about everything he'd leave for sure.

"Sweet merciful fuck, Belly. How could you not tell me about that?" He hugged her tightly and rocked her. "Bells, when did he do this to you?"

"About six months ago."

"You know it's not true, right? You know you're not a pig, right?"

Bella couldn't answer him.

"Oh god," he cried. "I'm lucky mom and dad aren't here to see this—it would kill them. I'm so sorry Belly. I'm so, so sorry."

The thought of her parents made her stomach tighten again. Emmett recognized what was about to happen and motioned for the wastepaper basket. Bella leaned over the couch and threw up the water Esme had fed her.

"Does this happen a lot, Emmett?" Carlisle asked, concern etched on his face.

"Since mom and dad died, yeah. It's been worse lately, since..."

Bella started hyperventilating.

"Oh Belly, calm down baby. It won't hurt as much." Emmett felt so useless, helpless, as she convulsed with each oesophageal spasm.

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Edward and Alice stood outside the door to their father's office, eyes wide, and jaws on the floor.

"Did they just say that she was branded? As in branded like a cow?"

"Sh, Alice."

Edward felt guilty for listening to such a private moment. His heart ached for the poor girl crying in the other room. "Alice, we should go. This isn't right. They'll tell us when and what we need to know."

He walked back toward his room. Before he reached his door, he heard his father's voice coming close. Alice scurried away before the big door flew open and Emmett ran out carrying Bella's limp form in his arms. She looked dead.

"Bring her down to the Mercedes, Emmett. I'm going to call the hospital."

Alice ran toward her father. "Dad! What's going on? What's wrong with Bella?

"Alice, Bella's dehydrated. We just need to take her to the hospital to rehydrate her. We won't be gone too long. Don't worry, sweetie, she'll be okay." Carlisle said as he ran down the stairs.

Edward stood behind Alice who started to cry softly. "Mom, what happened?"

"Sweetheart, as your father said, Bella's dehydrated and she's very weak. She fainted and your father just wants to make sure she's okay. A couple of hours with an IV and she'll be fine."

"Are you sure? She looked pretty sick." Edward asked.

"Yes, dear. Bella's been through a lot and her body is just taking a little longer to heal."

"What really happened to Bella, Mom?" Alice asked sadly.

"It's not really my place to say, dear. She'll tell you when and if she's ready."

"Was she really branded like a cow?" Edward poked his sister in the ribs for being so forward.

Esme frowned at her children. "Were you two eavesdropping?"

"Maybe I was, just a little bit," Alice confessed.

"It was hard not to hear it, Mom. She was screaming." Edward said quietly. "Who would do that to a kid? I just don't understand it."

"Why don't we go have some tea and talk?"

Esme placed two steaming cups of apple cinnamon tea in front of her kids. They had no idea how good they had it. These children had never really ever wanted for anything. How would they ever understand the horrors poor Bella had endured.

Poking at her teabag absently, Esme began: "Kids, what all did you hear?"

Alice spoke first. "I heard she was branded."

"Since you heard her say it, I guess I can't pretend that you didn't. Yes, Alice, someone branded Bella. He burned a word across the top of her abdomen."

"Was the word PIG?"

Esme choked back a lump in her throat. She nodded to Alice. "Yes."

"But why? I don't understand why someone would do that to her!"

"Alice, you have been blessed to have had a sheltered life where you have always been loved and protected. Something happened when Renée and Charlie died. Someone took advantage of Bella's fragile state."

"Why didn't Emmett protect her?" Edward asked.

"Emmett didn't know. Bella was too afraid to tell him."

"How did he find out?" Edward asked as he swirled a spoonful of honey in his mug.

"Bella's abuser got too rough with her one night, tried to say that she was drunk and fell down the stairs. When Emmett tried to take her home, he noticed blood draining from her ear. When he rushed her to the hospital, they discovered many injuries on her poor body. Some new, mostly old ones though—broken ribs never set properly, cigarette burns all over her torso, knife cuts, broken teeth...

"Bella is lucky to be alive. She was released from the hospital in Phoenix last week where she'd been for three weeks. The poor dear had a bleed on her brain and severe swelling. They weren't sure she was even going to survive.

"When the executor of her parents' estate heard, he called us because as godparents we could take care of her better than poor Emmett."

"Why didn't they just come here when their parents died? Emmett's just a kid himself." Edward asked.

"I don't know, dear. I think Emmett thought he could handle it. You have to give him credit for all he's done though. It's just been him and Bella for the past year or so. We can't fault him for all this mess. He is living with a lot of guilt right now."

Tears were running down Alice's face. "Who did this to Bella?"

"Emmett's best friend James. He's been arrested and will hopefully be put away for a long time. He claims it was steroids that made him do it. Emmett said that James had only been using them for six months before he was caught, so he can't put all the blame on the drugs. He's been abusing her for the past year or so. I know that 'roid rage' can cause violent outbursts but this James fellow had a tendency toward violence prior to all of this.

"So children, please extend every courtesy to Bella and try to give her space. She's scared, traumatized and still a very sick girl. That's why we redid the cottage, so she could feel like she has a place to go to when things are overwhelming.

"Now tonight, we'll probably put her in the guest room so your father and I can keep an eye on her. Please give her as much space as she needs. Alice, no pumping her for information or unnecessary makeovers for the next while, got it?"

"Yes, Mom."

Esme looked over at her sensitive son. He was pinching the bridge of his nose between his slender fingers. "Edward, darling, are you okay?"

He sighed heavily. "I just can't understand how someone could torture Bella like that, especially after her parents died. How can people be so cruel?" He looked at her, his piercing green eyes were sad.

Esme walked around the table to hug him. "I don't know, Edward. I really don't. Bella deserves better and we're going to do our best to show her that. Right now she's insecure and afraid people will desert her if they know what really happened to her. We need to show her that what James did to her was wrong and that she is worthy of love and compassion."

"We can do that Mom. We'll help her."

She smiled at her son. "Please don't let on that you overheard anything, okay? Let her tell you when she's ready."

"Gotcha! Our lips are sealed." Alice mimed zipping her lips shut.

Edward chuckled. "Too bad you can't do that for real."


	4. Ch 4 Grilled Cheese & Confession

_**These characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer. I am owned by a very possessive ginger cat with attitude and extra toes.**_

_**This chapter is called **_**Grilled Cheese and Confession Sandwiches. _The title wouldn't all fit._  
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_**This is for my first two reviewers: **_**Fearlessnessity and Needia13**_**.  
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_**Again, some subject matter may not be suitable for all readers.**_

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Emmett carefully carried his sister up the stairs to the guest room in the main house. Esme had turned down the blankets and turned on a night light in case Bella woke up disoriented in the strange room. Emmett guiltily prayed she'd sleep through the night. He hadn't had a good night's sleep in ages and was exhausted.

Esme offered to make him some supper so he left Bella, asleep and alone in the room, with the door slightly ajar.

A muffled cry distracted Edward from the book he was reading in his room. He got up to investigate. Bella was thrashing wildly, crying out. He wasn't sure what to do, so he walked over to the bed. Face contorted in horror, Bella let out a heart-wrenching plea for whatever it was that haunted her dream to stop.

Throwing caution to the wind, he crawled onto the bed and took her in his arms. He rocked her back and forth while humming. She finally calmed down and went back to sleep, although now she held him in a death grip.

His mother's head peeked around the corner and the look of shock on her face made him laugh. "Not expecting to find me here, were you?" he whispered as his mother approached the bed.

"No, honey, I wasn't. What happened? Is she okay?"

"She was having a nightmare. I wanted to help, and, well, here we are. She has one heck of a grip on her. I can't seem to pry myself loose."

"Would you mind staying with her for a while? Her poor brother fell asleep on the breakfast bar while he was waiting for his food to heat up. I didn't have the heart to wake him."

"I don't think I have much choice at the moment. I just hope that she doesn't wake up and freak out that a virtual stranger is comforting her."

"I'll send Emmett up as soon as he wakes. Thank you dear."

Bella woke up and panicked. Where was she? What was that noise? What smelled so good? Who...who was she clinging to?

Afraid to open her eyes, she ran her hands up two arms that weren't big enough to be her brother's. She inhaled again and realized instead of the raunchy Axe body spray her brother always wore, she could smell sandalwood and, was that...vanilla? She didn't know anyone who smelled quite so good.

Curiosity got the best of her and she opened her eyes. Beautiful green orbs and the smile of an angel greeted her. She blinked a few times. "Edward?"

"Good morning sunshine. Did you sleep well?"

"How did...? What happened?"

"Dad took you to the hospital. You were dehydrated. When they brought you home, Mom set you up in here so Dad could keep an eye on you."

"Oh, but how did you...did we...man, I'm confused."

Edward chuckled. "You were having a nightmare or something. Emmett had fallen asleep on the counter in the kitchen so I came to see if I could help. You had me in your kung fu grip so tightly that I couldn't help but stay."

"I'm sorry," she blushed and averted his gaze.

"Bell, look at me please." He paused until she reluctantly looked back up. "Bella, we're kind of like family now, and I really didn't mind. You are very entertaining when you sleep."

She felt her face getting hotter and hotter. "Oh god, what did I say?"

"Nothing bad. Don't worry. So, how're you feeling?"

She smiled weakly. "I'm feeling a little better than I was yesterday. It's surprising how a few pints of fluids can perk a girl up."

"Feel like getting something to eat?"

"Maybe. I can try."

"That's all a person can ask for." He smiled at her as she unhooked herself from his body.

"Thanks Edward."

"Any time Bella."

Still a little unsteady, Bella had to lean on Edward to get downstairs. Emmett was crashed out on the couch and Esme was puttering around the kitchen.

"Good morning, sweethearts! Bella, you're looking refreshed."

"I think I'll feel a lot better after I shower."

"Why don't I get Alice to run down to the cottage to grab some clothes for you?"

"Thanks, but I think I'd like to shower down there. I thought I'd try to eat something and go get sorted out. I still haven't finished unpacking."

"Sure, that sounds good. One of the kids can help if you want."

"I couldn't impose on them like that."

"I'd love to come down, " Edward offered.

Bella picked at the pancakes Esme placed before her. Her appetite still hadn't returned and frankly she hoped it never did.

Before she left for the cottage, Esme convinced her to let Edward escort her. They walked in comfortable silence down the path, through the well-landscaped property. Bella still found it hard to believe she lived here, in this utopia.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Edward said.

"Oh, sorry. I'm still in awe that I live here. It's so different than what I'm used to. My house was so small compared to this."

"I guess we do have it pretty good, don't we?" He smiled at her. "And by we, I mean to include you and Emmett."

"Thanks Edward. I'm sorry I've been such a mess."

He reached out and took her hand. "Bella, it's okay. I don't know what you've been through, but it has obviously hurt you in unimaginable ways. It's alright if you're feeling out of sorts. Well," he paused and frowned. "That came out wrong—I wish you had come under better circumstances, but I'm glad you're here. Alice and I have so little in common and I can see that you and I have some very similar passions."

"Really?"

"You love music?"

"Yes, very much."

"As do I. You enjoy reading?"

Bella smiled. "Yes! I guess you figured that out when you saw my reaction to the reading room. I love getting lost in a good book." _It makes it easier to deal with reality_, she added silently.

"As do I. Alice, on the other hand, would last thirty seconds before deciding to redecorate the room or run out to buy matching slip covers for the books. I keep telling my parents to have her tested for ADHD."

Bella laughed. "She's sweet, though."

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I adore my sister. I really do. She's one of the sweetest, most compassionate people I know, once you get past the shopping compulsion. Ah, here we are, at your door, safe and sound."

"Would you like to come in?" Bella asked nervously.

"Are you sure you want company?"

"Yeah, I don't know if I'm ready to be totally alone yet. If you're busy, it's okay, I'll get Emmett..."

"I've got nothing but time, Bella. Can I help with any unpacking?"

"Uh, sure. There are a couple of boxes in the reading room that need to be unpacked. I suppose you could work on those. I'm just going to run upstairs and take a shower. I must really be starting to stink."

"Actually, you smell lovely." _Oh crap, _Edward thought._ Did I just say that out loud?_

"Thanks Edward," Bella grinned as she shuffled up the stairs toward her room.

Edward opened the door to Bella's cozy reading room and spotted three boxes piled by the empty bookcase. He began unpacking them, taking stock of the contents and devised a plan of action. As he worked his way through them, he came across some photos. He placed them carefully on the mantle above the fireplace. Bella stood smiling with her parents and Emmett, who was, of course, pulling a face, in front of a red cabin. She was younger, maybe eleven years old, and she looked happy. This younger, chubbier Bella hadn't learned that the world isn't always a happy place to be. She was still naive and had no idea that the bogeyman existed. The sight of it made Edward sad.

"I was almost twelve when that was taken," Bella said quietly from behind him. "That was the last vacation we took together. It was the best one." She took the photo off the mantle and fingered the images of her parents. "They were good parents." A lone tear fell down her cheek. Edward reached over and wiped it away.

"I have heard nothing but wonderful things about them, and I can't wait to hear more. When you're ready, of course."

Bella smiled sadly. "I miss them Edward. My heart hurts so bad."

Unable to control himself, he pulled her into a hug. This poor girl had lost her family, her innocence, her sense of security. He needed to protect her.

"I'm here for you Bella. I won't let anything happen to you. I wish I could make the hurt go away."

"Thanks Edward. I was so scared to come here. I didn't know what people would think of me. I'm all kinds of messed up right now. Thanks for making it easier."

"Anytime Bella."

"HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?" Emmett bellowed from the doorway.

Poor Edward wasn't familiar enough with Emmett's sarcastic side. He jumped away from Bella as fast as he could, raising his hands in the air.

Bella scowled at Emmett. "Unlike you, big brother, Edward has been by my side since last night. He's the poor guy who got stuck getting drooled on when I had a nightmare. Where were you? Oh yeah, you were sleeping!" She was laughing by the time she finished her tirade.

Emmett approached the cowering Edward and gave him a bear hug. "You know I'm kidding, right? Geez, calm down Edward. I'm not going to hurt you. I wanted to thank you..."

"Okay," Bella cut him off. "While you two bond, I'm going to fix my hair before it dries into a rat's nest."

Waiting until he heard Bella's door close, Emmett spoke quietly to Edward. "Seriously, Eddie thanks for covering for me last night. I have been so tired that I just couldn't get off my ass to get back up the stairs. I hope it wasn't too much of an inconvenience. She didn't bruise you too badly, did she? She gave me a black eye one night..."

"Please, my name is Edward, not Eddie, and I didn't mind. She's pretty fascinating when she sleeps. What does she dream about anyway? I've never seen anything like it."

"I don't know and I have a feeling it would put me in a rage if I did. I know she hasn't told me even a fraction of the things that bastard did to her. I'm hoping that she'll trust someone enough to get it all out. I don't know what she's so scared of. She's so worried we'll look at her differently. As if that would happen." Emmett was quiet for a moment before anguish set in once again. "Man, he was my best friend since grade school. How could I not have known?"

"You can't keep blaming yourself, Emmett. It hurts her more when you do that. It further weighs down the load she's already carrying."

"How'd you get so smart, kid?"

"Good genes, I guess."

Emmett ruffled Edward's permanently unruly hair. "Please be careful with her. She's all I've got left and I couldn't deal if something happened to her again."

"I promise to protect her to the best of my ability Emmett."

"Thanks buddy. Phew, I need a shower."

"Yeah, I didn't want to say anything, but you do kind of stink." Edward crinkled his nose.

"You are a cheeky bastard, aren't you?" Emmett laughed.

Bella returned shortly after her brother went to wash up. "Where'd Em go?"

"He's taking a shower."

"Good, he smelled pretty ripe."

Edward laughed. "I told him the same thing."

"And he let you live? Wow. He must really like you."

Bella looked around the room and sighed.

"What's wrong?"

She gestured toward the almost empty shelf. "I used to have so many more books."

"What happened to them?"

Unable to answer the question without falling apart, she turned her head away from him and busied herself with trying to find spots for her few knick-knacks and photos.

"Bella?" Why was she avoiding his question?

"I like your filing system Edward. Seems we're both into organizing by genre, author and year. Obviously whoever put in the other books wasn't on the save wavelength. Could you help me fix that?"

"Sure, but you didn't answer my question. What happened to your other books?"

"Not now Edward, please?" Her eyes pleaded with him to let it go.

He smiled reassuringly at her. "Of course. Let's get started on these other books."

Esme called down a couple of hours later to see if they wanted to come up for lunch. Bella declined and Edward explained that they were too knee-deep in the classics to leave. He suggested she bring some food down to them.

Half an hour later, she arrived with a tray of grilled cheese sandwiches and mugs of tomato soup.

"Thank you Esme," Bella said as she sipped at the steaming mug of rich, red soup. "Mm, I used to love grilled cheese and tomato soup."

"I have to say that you're looking a lot better today Bella."

"I really am feeling better. I slept really well last night. Edward is much easier to sleep on than Emmett. He tosses around and farts too much." She grinned at Edward who was blushing.

His mother laughed. "I always knew Edward was multi-talented." She looked around the room. "It looks a lot homier in here now."

"I thought maybe if I unpacked right away it might be easier to call this place home."

"Whatever you need to help you adjust is just a phone call away, Bella."

Bella smiled sincerely at Esme. "Thank you again. For everything."

"It's our pleasure, honey. Oh, I forgot. If you look in that wooden box on the shelf to the right of the fireplace, you'll find something that might interest you. You may not want it now, but at least you'll know where it is."

Esme left them to eat their lunch. They ate quietly until Edward finally broke the silence. "Uhm, Bella, are you going to look in the box? The suspense is killing me."

"I guess so. I didn't really..."

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry. It's none of my business. Patience is not one of my greatest assets."

"Actually, I find that you're quite patient. I just wanted to finish my lunch. I'm nervous though."

"Why?"

"What if there's something in there that will..."

He turned to her. "Will what? What are you afraid of?"

Bella put down her sandwich, stood and walked to the box. It was, as she suspected, something that was going to tear open some major wounds. She dropped the lid back down, picked it up and cradled it to her chest.

"Are you okay?"

She shook her head as a new flood of tears spilled out. Geez, would she ever stop crying?

Approaching her gently, Edward reached for the box. Reluctantly, she held it out to him. Once it was securely in his possession, he opened it. Inside were letters. He picked one up, scanning it quickly before returning his gaze to Bella, who was hugging herself, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet in front of the window.

"They're letters from your mother to mine."

She nodded.

"Wow." He wished he could read her mind. Did this gift make her happy? Was she sad? Was she falling apart? "You're not ready yet, are you?"

Again, she nodded.

"They aren't going to walk away. They'll be here when you're ready to read them." He placed the box back on the shelf before walking back toward the broken girl who was now curled up on the window seat. He placed a hand on her knee and squeezed. "It'll be okay, Bella."

"I don't think so, Edward. I should have let him kill me."

Mortified, Edward nearly yelled at her. "How can you say that?"

"Easy. Dying is easy. Life is hard."

He had never heard anyone speak so matter-of-factly about wanting to die.

"What did he do to you Bella to make you wish you were dead?"

She stared out the window before finally turning to him. He wanted to cry when he saw the look of defeat and desperation on her face. "I can't tell you. If I do then you'll get infected too."

Edward's phone rang before he could argue with her. "Hey Jasper, what's up?"

Bella made her break from Edward and the slew of questions she knew he was going to ask that she wasn't ready to answer. She made busy work of cleaning up their lunch dishes. She felt too comfortable around him, it would be too easy to tell him the truth and infect him. She couldn't do that to him; he was too sweet, too innocent. She would not be the one to steal that away from him, like James had done to her. Edward was pure. Bella was pure evil.

"Hey Bella, my friend Jasper is on his way over with his sister Rosalie. We thought that maybe she and Emmett would hit it off. Would you like to come meet them?"

She thought about it for a moment. "I still have some unpacking to do and I have to go see your dad. Maybe I'll meet up with you at dinner?"

"Sounds good. I'll take the dishes back up to the house for you and I'll have my phone with me in case you need me or want some company."

Edward picked up the tray, walking toward the door. As he reached it, he stopped and said: "Bella, I'm not a child and I can handle the truth. Don't be afraid that you'll 'infect' me. I thought it might be easier to talk to a friend instead of my parents. If you ever want to talk about what happened, I'll be here for you; I promise I won't tell anyone else and I swear that I would never look at your differently."

She watched him leave and wanted desperately to call him back to tell him everything, maybe even the things she'd tried so hard to block out.


	5. Ch 5 Buried MemoriesNo Walk in the Park

_**All tortured characters in this story belong to Stephenie Meyer, who would probably kick my butt for doing this to them.**_

**NOTE:_ This chapter is on the graphic side. You've been warned._**

**_Please let me know what you think. This is my first fanfic and I am wondering if I should bother writing a sequel to this story (which is finished, by the way...i'll try to post frequently).  
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Carlisle called down to check on Bella a couple of hours later and asked if she would prefer to talk to him up at the house or in Casa Swan. Rather than taint the cottage with the evil memories, she agreed to meet him at the house in twenty minutes.

Laughter filled the house when she walked in. Emmett and a blonde guy Bella assumed was Jasper were playing a video game while Alice chatted with a gorgeous blonde woman. She had hoped to sneak past them but Alice spotted her and squealed. "BELLA! Come meet our friends!"

Alice danced over and grabbed Bella who was reluctant to move. Rosalie stood up and introduced herself. Bella shrank in the shadow of this incredibly beautiful creature. She was beyond model-gorgeous. Surely she'd laugh at chubby, mousy Bella.

She didn't. She gave her a hug and welcomed her to Forks. Rose pointed at the blonde boy slaughtering Emmett and told her that the 'bozo too rude to get off the couch and introduce himself' was her younger brother Jasper.

"If mother could see this, she'd be mortified. Jasper, where are your southern manners?"

Bella laughed. "As you can see, I also have a brother, so I'm not offended." She looked around. "Where's Edward?"

Alice smiled. "He's in the music room playing piano."

"Oh. Well, I guess I should go find your dad." Bella started to walk away. Rose grabbed her hand and pulled her into the hallway.

"I realize this is none of my business Bella, and you can tell me to screw off, but I think that you and I might have more in common than you think, and if you need to talk, I'm here." She passed Bella a piece of paper. "Here's my number. I didn't want you to have to go to Alice to get it—she doesn't need to know."

Rosalie smiled at the shocked Bella and hugged her tightly. "You don't have to go through this alone and I promise you things will get better."

"Uh, thanks Rosalie."

"You can call me Rose, hun, and you can call me any time you want. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go flirt with that hot brother of yours." She winked and walked away.

_Well, that was certainly unexpected_, thought Bella as she ascended to Carlisle's office. She could hear the clear, soothing sound of piano music filling the hallway. Following it, she found the music room door was ajar and she spotted Edward hunched over a beautiful baby grand piano. The melody he was playing haunted her. It sounded familiar, yet she couldn't place it.

"I see you've discovered Edward's talent."

Bella jumped at the sound of Carlisle's voice behind her.

"Oh shit," she muttered.

"I'm sorry, dear. I didn't mean to startle you. Would you like to come chat?"

"Sure," she said nervously.

Bella settled back on the same leather couch as the day before, only today she was feeling a little more grounded.

"Carlisle, I'm sorry about yesterday."

"Don't be, dear. You weren't feeling well and that can really compound an already difficult situation. Do you mind if I check your blood pressure? It was fluctuating between dangerously high and low yesterday."

"No, go ahead."

Carlisle pulled a pressure cuff from his desk and went about methodically checking her vitals. "You're certainly more stable than you were twenty-four hours ago."

"That's good, I guess. I don't remember much of what happened."

"It's just as well. It wasn't a pleasant thing."

"I'm sorry."

He frowned. "Bella, dear, you have to stop apologizing. You haven't done anything wrong."

"Sorry, it's a force of habit. Oh, I did it again, didn't I?"

Now he chuckled. "Yes, you did. We'll fix that though. So, how did you sleep last night?"

"I don't remember much. Edward told me I had a nightmare."

"Ah yes, I heard that Edward stayed with you last night."

Bella brightened up a little. "He did and I had one of the best sleeps I've had in a long time." She got quiet again. "I feel bad though, he didn't have to do that, I mean he hardly knows me and what he does know probably makes me look like a crazy person. Yet, he still stayed with me, let me drool on him."

"Edward is a very special young man. He was blessed with his mother's strong sense of compassion."

"Yes, Esme's very compassionate."

"Oh, they haven't told you? Edward is adopted."

Bella was shocked. "But he looks just like Esme."

"He's her nephew. Edward's mother Elizabeth died when he was a baby. Elizabeth and Esme looked like twins, so it's no fluke that Edward looks a lot like Esme."

"What about his father?"

Carlisle sighed sadly. "Unfortunately his father was an abusive monster. Edward was too young to remember it and we've never really discussed it with him. His father killed his mother in cold blood while Edward slept in the next room. As far as Edward is concerned, he's never lived anything but the perfect life. He has no recollection of his mother or the tragic events preceding her death. If he ever asks to know, we'll tell him, but he's never asked or wanted to know. We have always been his parents and he's lived a pretty good life."

"He's lucky." Bella said.

"You were lucky to have thirteen years with your parents Bella. They were wonderful people. Do you wish you'd never known them?"

"No! No!" she gasped. "I loved them more than anyone in the world. I was just thinking it might have been easier to deal with them being gone if I hadn't known them. Shit, I don't know. I don't think I'm making sense."

He put his hand on her shoulder. "It's okay Bella. I don't think you ever had a chance to grieve. You mentioned the abuse with James started just after they passed away."

"Yeah, Emmett left him with me when he went to deal with funeral arrangements. Em didn't want me to be alone and the neighbours weren't around.

"James came to my room and told me to stop crying. When I didn't, he hit me. Then he told me that if Emmett ever found out he'd be mad and ship me off to a foster home. He said that Emmett could drop me just like that and he'd never look back.

"I don't know why I believed him. I was a pathetic fool."

"You were sad, confused, and scared. Not to mention you were young. James had no right to touch you. Ever." He got down on his knees before her. "He had NO RIGHT. You need to understand that. The things he did to you were wrong. It wasn't your fault."

She tried to avert her gaze. "But it WAS my fault. It was my fault they died and he knew that. He told me he'd tell Emmett that it was my fault and he'd hate me so much he'd leave. I had to let James do what he did so he wouldn't tell on me. He told me that kids who killed their parents went to jail or foster homes where they were beaten and...and...whatever...much worse than I was getting. He was punishing me for what I did and if I told I'd get punished worse. It seemed like the lesser of the two evils. I had no choice!"

Carlisle was appalled at what she had just confessed. "Bella dear, how were you responsible for that drunk driver hitting your parents?"

"I was sick! They went to buy cough syrup for me. If I hadn't been coughing, they'd still be here!" She was almost yelling.

That statement was the most flawed reasoning he'd ever heard. "Why would you think that? Of course your parents would buy cough syrup for you their sick child. It's not your fault someone chose that night to drive drunk."

"But...but...James said..."

"Oh dear, sweet Bella. You need to forget everything James ever said to you. It was all lies. He needed you to feel trapped so he could continue to abuse you. My heart breaks for you! My god, what you had to put up with! It's incomprehensible."

"I deserved it. He told me that I was fat, lazy, stupid, annoying, embarrassing. I was nothing but a burden."

He cupped her face in his hands. "Bella, you are none of those things. Do you hear me? None! You are sweet, sensitive, lovely and intelligent."

"I'm still fat."

"You aren't fat, Bella."

"I'm disgusting and I'm fat and I'm scarred and I'm broken."

"No Bella, you're not."

"Okay then, I'm ruined."

Carlisle paced around the room. "I think I should call my friend Dr. Taylor. She might be able to help you with some of these issues. Would you like to talk to her?"

"I don't know. I'm tired of talking."

"Could you try?"

"Maybe," she said sourly.

"How's your head today? Any headaches? Blurred vision?"

Thankful he'd changed the topic, Bella assured him that it was fine. Still tender, but fine. "Thanks for everything Carlisle. I'll try to be good from now on."

He sighed. He hadn't gotten through to her. "Bella, you are a good girl. Always. You just need to see that in yourself."

She shrugged. Who was he to say that? He didn't know her.

Just as she was opening the door he caught her by surprise when he asked: "Bella, did he...did he sexually violate you? Did James ever force himself on you?"

She froze. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! She felt the walls giving way. The flood was cresting and she wasn't ready for it.

"Bella?"

Black spots started to block her vision. She couldn't breathe. The room started spinning. She could smell James as he crawled on top of her. The pain. The pain. The pain. NO!

"Bella?"

She composed herself enough to bolt from the office upstairs and run. Run away from the questions. Run away from the truth. Run away from the worried eyes as they watched her stumble out the front door. Run until she couldn't feel him tearing her apart. Run until the memories were buried deep again.

The woods. She could hide in the woods. No one would find her and make her answer the million dollar question.

Branches scratched her as she pushed her way through the dense woods. Stumps tripped her and her bleeding knees paid the prices. The pain helped take her mind off things for a few minutes.

How could one question release the horror she'd managed to forget? It took her months to hide it, to push it back and just seconds for it to be unleashed again.

She fell one last time and curled into a ball, just as she had tried whenever James would come to touch her, violate her.

Time to shove it back. She concentrated on other memories, better ones, but he always pushed it away. She remembered the first time. He'd gone to her room one night after Emmett had gone to bed. He tied a scarf around her eyes and shoved a sock in her mouth. He took her clothes off after telling her that if Emmett found out he'd be really mad at her. When she'd struggled, he'd hit her.

Unable to see what he was doing, she was not prepared for the moment that he took her virginity and sheathed himself fully in her. She wasn't ready, there was no lubrication. He ripped her apart. The pain was excruciating as he pulled out of her, and entered her roughly again and again. He chanted terrible things to her as he did it. If she whimpered, he'd hit her again.

When he was finished, he pulled out of her, called her a fat whore and told her to clean herself up. She remained motionless for what felt like forever, afraid he was hiding in the corner. Finally, after the urge to pee became too much to bear, she removed the blindfold and screamed silently at what she saw. Her bed was bloody. She knew that women bled a little the first time but this wasn't a little. It was a lot. She was so terrified at the sight of all the blood that her bladder gave way and she wet the bed. Rose-tinted urine mixed with the blood making an even bigger mess. How would she hide this from her brother?

She tried to stand, to clean up the mess, but her legs gave out. She curled up in a ball and cried. She cried for the loss, the pain, and the shame.

Here she was again a year later, curled up in a ball crying as if it had all just happened again for the first time. Only this time she wasn't bleeding from her torn vagina, it was from her ruined heart. With one violent act, James had taken everything from her. She never had a chance.

It was true. Death was easy. Living was hard.


	6. Ch 6 Found but still Lost

_**All characters belong in perpetuity to the amazing Stephenie Meyer.**_

**_Shout out to _blueeyedbrat6294_, _iloveedwardcullenthevampire_, and_ Kerry Hale_ for the reviews. Thanks guys! Reviews keep me warm at night._**

_When we last left the Swan/Cullen crew, Bella had just unearthed some rather frightening memories and run off to the forest.

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"Bella!"

"Bella?"

"Belly!"

"Isabella!"

She thought she could hear someone calling her name. Part of her wanted to call out and be saved, but the more dominant part of her wanted to stay there and die like an animal, alone and with a little dignity.

"Bells?"

"Belly baby! Where are you?"

"Bella please! Where are you?"

That voice. The velvet one. She liked that one. It made her feel safe. That was the one that made the nightmares easier to deal with.

"OH MY GOD BELLA!"

The voice had found her. She opened her eyes just a little; just to be sure that it was really him. It was! Worried green eyes met hers.

"Please," she said in a whisper.

"Please what?"

"Just you."

"What do you mean, Bella?"

"Send them back. Just you."

"You want me to send them back? What about you? You need to get out of the rain. I can try to carry you back but I'm scared I'll drop you. Let me call Emmett."

Her eyes popped wide open. "NO! He'll be mad at me! He'll send me away! Please! Just you!" She was hysterical.

Edward thought for a moment. He pulled his phone from his pocket and spoke quietly to someone. Bella was too tired to listen.

"Bella?" he asked when he was off the phone. "Bella?"

"Mmm..."

"I told them that I found you. I'm going to try to get you out of here myself, but if I can't, I'm going to get Emmett to come help."

"NO!"

"He promises he's not mad."

"Swear?"

"Pinky swear. Now come on, you must be freezing."

"No, I'm fine."

"You aren't fine; your lips are turning blue. Do you think you can walk?"

"Maybe. My legs hurt though."

Edward pulled her legs out straight so he could examine them. Her knees were shredded, there were bloodstains on her shins, and a twig was sticking out of her thigh. He wanted to throw up.

Drawing on his first aid training, he assessed her wounds and realized that he needed to do something about the twig. He snapped the top off, inciting a curse from Bella, then took one of his socks and made a 'donut' ring out of it. "I realize this isn't exactly sanitary, but it's the best I can do."

He placed the ring around the puncture wound and tied it down with his t-shirt. He wrapped his sweater around Bella and tried to help her to her unsteady feet. Bracing himself, he picked her up and cradled her to his bare chest. She wasn't as heavy as he'd thought she'd be.

Bella, feeling very vulnerable being off solid ground, wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

"Hang tight Bella, we've got a bumpy ride ahead of us."

"Why?"

"Because we're in the forest, off the path."

"No, not that. Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you care?"

"Care about what?"

"About me?"

"What a bizarre question. Of course I care about you. How could I not?"

"Because..." he cut her off before she could finish.

"If you say that you're not worthy of caring and compassion because of whatever happened to you I'm going to drop you. You deserve more care and love and compassion because of what happened. Someone you trusted stole your childhood, your security, your life from you. You need someone to show you that you're worthy of love."

"You sound like your father."

"I learned from watching the best. Look, we're almost there."

"I'm scared Edward. Don't leave, okay? Please?"

"I'll stay as long as you need me Bella. You're stuck with me."

"Mmm, good."

Bella's head rolled back and her grip loosened on Edward. He was now carrying dead weight and when he stumbled, they fell to the ground.

He shook her lightly. "Bella? Bella? Wake up!"

No response from her. He fumbled for his phone and called Emmett.

Not two minutes later, Emmett came crashing through the trees and found Edward cradling Bella in his arms, crying.

"Is she okay?" Emmett asked fearful. He cupped a hand on her pale face. "Belly? Belly, open your eyes for me."

Still unresponsive, Emmett gathered her in his arms and stormed back to the main house. Edward struggled to keep up with him.

* * *

"What do we do, Dad?" Edward asked his father quietly as they looked at Bella, who was buried under a small mountain of blankets. Her lips were no longer blue and her injuries tended to. Carlisle had been able to remove the twig with little problem. Her cuts were cleaned and dressed. They would heal; however, Edward feared her heart and soul were irreparably damaged.

"We love her unconditionally and try to help her see that she's not ruined; only bruised."

Bella cried out weakly. Carlisle started toward the bed but Edward cut him off. "Go to bed, Dad. I promised I wouldn't leave her, and I don't plan on it."

"If you need me, I'll just be across the hall."

"Goodnight Dad."

"I love you, son."

"Ditto."

Edward sat on a chair beside the bed and watched as Bella thrashed fitfully. When it appeared she was entering serious nightmare territory he climbed into the bed with her. He pulled her over so he could wrap his arms around her. He hummed to her as she calmed down.

Bella heard that song again. James was trying to kill her in her dream and that song was pulling her out of the nightmare. It was safe and warm. She sighed in relief. James was gone.

She opened her eyes and saw Edward, her angel, was the one humming her saving grace.

"Edward," she whispered. "The song."

"Hi Bella," he whispered back. "What song?"

"What were you humming?"

"Oh that?" he blushed. It's just something I've been working on."

"It's amazing. It's beautiful."

"It should be. It was inspired by you," he said as he tightened his grip on her.

She was still dreaming. She had to be. "Why am I in the guest room again?"

"You don't remember what happened?"

"No."

"Oh." Should he tell her? _Probably not._

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Are you going to tell me what happened and why I'm in the guest room?"

He sighed. "I don't want to upset you."

"You won't."

"Dad was talking to you, you freaked out about something...|

Her heart started to race. Her breathing increased exponentially. Edward wrapped himself around her tightly and began to hum to her again. She calmed quickly.

"Are you okay?"

"I think so. Thanks."

A flash of memory caused her stomach to knot. Before she could warn him, Bella pulled form his grasp and ran for the bathroom. She didn't make it. She fell down and threw up just beside the toilet. She felt someone pulling her hair back.

"Breathe Bella. You're okay. You're safe."

Edward rubbed slow comforting circles on her back with his free hand as she once again spasmodically emptied the contents of her stomach on the tiled floor. He began to hum the soothing melody to her, and she calmed down. When he was sure she was finished, he got up to grab a glass of water and a cold wet facecloth. He begged her to drink some water as he gently cleaned her up. Once he was sure she was okay, he moved her over to lean against the carpeted stairs that led to the bathtub. He grabbed some paper towel and spray cleaner to clean up the mess on the floor.

Bella, embarrassed, exhausted, and sore, curled up on a pile of towels and cried. Once the floor was cleaned up, Edward curled up beside her and fell asleep.

Esme found them a couple of hours later, when she went to check on Bella. She covered them with a comforter, dimmed the lights, and went back to bed.

The next morning, Carlisle was just about to enter the bedroom when she motioned for him to follow her downstairs. She put on a pot of coffee before turning to her husband, tears in her eyes. "What are we going to do Carlisle?"

He gave her a hug. "Love, we're going to do exactly what I told Edward we'd do when he asked the same question. We're going to love her unconditionally and try to help her realize that she is a person of worth. The fact that James raped her is compounding the situation. By the looks of her medical records they never checked for signs of sexual abuse."

"She's very good at hiding things."

"I need her to go for a pelvic exam just to be sure there's not been any damage done. I also think that she should meet with Dr. Taylor. She deals especially well with patients who have endured abuse and rape."

"It just makes me sick that he could do something so heinous to the poor girl."

"You're telling me! If I see that bastard again I'm going to tear his balls off!" Emmett roared as he walked into the kitchen.

Esme handed him a coffee mug and pointed him to the cream and sugar.

"I didn't mean to interrupt, but I couldn't sleep. I should have stayed here with her."

"She's in very capable hands right now," Esme smiled at him. "If you promise not to wake them, you should go take a peek in the guest bathroom.

Emmett took the stairs two at a time and quietly entered the dimly lit bathroom. He couldn't help but smile when he saw that Edward had curled himself protectively around Bella. She had a small smile on her face and looked more peaceful than he'd seen in months.

Back downstairs he had a chuckle with Carlisle and Esme about the nest in the bathroom. Then Emmett frowned. "She must have thrown up again. I wish that would stop happening. It can't be good for her."

Carlisle clapped Emmett on the back. "If it becomes a problem we'll find a way to deal with it. Don't worry, we'll take good care of her. We promise."

"Well, someone has to because I sure as hell didn't do something right. I couldn't even protect her under her own roof."

"Sweetie, you were, rather still are, a child! The lawyers should have given us custody right away."

Carlisle cut in. "What happened, happened. Now is not the time to lay blame or bemoan what could have been or what should have been. We need to fix Bella. We need to focus on the future. The problem is that she's going to have to relive a lot of the past to be able to let go of it. I have someone in mind, Emmett. I'd like Bella to start meeting with a colleague of mine, Dr. Taylor. I think she will be a huge help for Bella.

"Do what you've got to do, Doc. I can't lose her. I feel like I'm losing more and more of her every day."

"What about you, son? I was thinking that you might want to see someone too. You're carrying around a lot of guilt."

"I don't need a shrink. We need to get help for Bella. I'm fine."

"If you change your mind, please let me know. You don't need to go through this alone Emmett."


	7. Ch 7 Whispers

_**All the charactery goodness is the brainchild of Stephenie Meyer. I'm just the current puppet master.**_

_**Special thanks to **_**Kerry Hale, inatowncalledforks _and _arizonajess _for the reviews_. **

_So, when we last left them, Edward and Bella were asleep on the guest room bathroom floor._

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Edward felt something brush his cheek. He groaned and stretched before opening his eyes. Bella was looking down at him.

"Good morning," he said sleepily.

She smiled weakly. Her voice was low and raspy when she spoke. "How did we end up on the bathroom floor? Or do I want to know?"

He smiled crookedly at her. "Why don't we save it for another day?"

"Okay."

"Is your throat sore?" He asked, concerned.

She nodded her head. "Feels like it's full of razorblades."

"Let's get Esme to make some hot lemon and honey for you to drink."

She stood up carefully, unsure if she would fall. Once she was securely on both feet, she helped Edward up. He wrapped the comforter around her when she shivered.

"Why don't you take a shower to warm up? I'll grab a t-shirt and sweats for you."

"That sounds good, thanks."

He bowed deeply at the waist. "My pleasure."

Bella hugged him. "Seriously Edward, I don't know what I'd do without you. Please promise you won't leave."

He inhaled the woodsy smell from her hair. "I told you last night that you're stuck with me."

She smiled. "That doesn't sound so bad. Okay, I stink. I'm going to shower. I'll see you shortly."

Edward was reluctant to let her go, afraid something might happen if he left. She shooed him out and shut the door. When he heard the water running, he went to his room and dug around until he found his softest, warmest sweatpants and sweatshirt, from Dartmouth, of course. He also put out his favourite vintage Pearl Jam t-shirt.

All eyes stared toward the stairs when they heard footsteps. Edward and Bella came down together, both showered and looking considerably better. Alice ran over and hugged them both.

"I'm so glad you're okay Bella! You scared us." Alice said quietly. Edward shushed her, but she continued anyway. "We all love you Bella. No matter what. You don't have to run away from us."

"Thanks Alice," Bella rasped.

"Oh Bella! Your voice! Are you okay?" Alice asked.

"Throat's sore."

Alice yelled for her mother to put on a kettle of water. Bella allowed the pixie to lead her to the kitchen. She felt guilty when she looked at Emmett's worried face. She ran to him and threw her arms around him. "I'm so sorry Em. I shouldn't have run away."

"Belly, promise me you won't do that again. Please. I can't lose you."

"I won't," she whispered.

"Mom, Bella's throat is really sore. Can you fix her a mug of hot lemon and honey?" Edward asked as he gave his mother a hug.

"Of course. Take a seat kids, I'll have breakfast ready in a jiffy."

Bella looked at Edward and mouthed the word 'jiffy' with a confused look on her face.

He rolled his eyes and laughed. "Yes, she just used the word 'jiffy.'"

Carlisle approached Bella. "May I look at your throat? I'm sure it's nothing, but I'd just like to check."

She nodded.

He grabbed a flashlight from the utility drawer and shone it in her mouth, down her throat, asking her to say 'ahh' a couple of times. "I think you'll live Bella. Doesn't seem to be much more than an irritation probably caused by all the vomiting. You may have a couple of minor oesophageal tears. You should take it easy today, eat soft food, drink lots of liquids and keep talking down to a minimum."

Bella gave him a thumbs up as Esme passed her a steaming mug of hot water, lemon and honey. Bella sipped at it and sighed as it soothed her raw throat.

After breakfast, the kids took over the living room. They put in a movie and sprawled out on the couches. Bella and Edward shared one sectional couch while Alice and Emmett used the other one. Bella fell asleep quickly, Edward not far behind her. They were both still fast asleep when Jasper and Rosalie showed up.

When Bella woke up from her nap, she was covered in a fleecy blanket and Edward was wrapped around her legs. She smiled.

"Hey sleeping beauty," It was Rosalie.

Bella turned to see Alice and Jasper curled up together on the love seat, staring more intently at each other than the movie. Rosalie was smiling at her from the other couch. Emmett had his arm around her shoulder and was grinning like a moron.

"Hi," Bella whispered. She reached down and ran her fingers through Edward's unruly hair. She really needed to use the bathroom and he was so tightly clamped around her legs that she couldn't move.

"Edward," she whispered again. "Wake up or let go or something."

He stirred slightly so she took the opportunity to disengage herself. She limped off to the washroom. When she came back out, he was standing in the hall sleepily scratching his stomach. He smiled when he saw her. "Good sleep?"

She nodded as she walked past him. He reached over and hugged her. "Good. I slept well too. The couch is much more conducive to restful sleep than the bathroom floor."

Unable to LOL, she laughed silently. She returned the hug and padded off to the kitchen. She wanted another mug of honey and lemon.

As she dug around to find what she needed, Rosalie entered the kitchen. "I'm glad you're okay, Bella."

She jumped and let out a silent screech.

Rosalie apologized for startling her. "Oh Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I thought you heard me."

"It's okay," she whispered.

Rosalie looked nervous. "I meant what I said yesterday. You and I have A LOT in common and I want you to feel comfortable talking to me. You're never alone."

"Thanks. I can't really talk today, doctor's orders. Maybe another time?"

"Oh my god, I'm sorry Bella. Yes, of course. We can talk whenever you want."

"I'd like that."

"You look lost. Can I help you find something? I've been in this kitchen so many times that I know it better than my own."

"Lemon and honey," Bella croaked.

"Why don't you cop a squat and I'll make it for you."

"Thanks Rosalie."

They spent most of the day hanging out in Cullen's living room watching movies, playing video games and bemoaning their return to school in a few weeks.

School. Just the thought of it made Bella nervous. Edward noticed her tensing up whenever they mentioned it, so he took her hand in his and held it, hoping she would relax. When she didn't, he stood and asked her to come with him. He took her up to the music room and sat her down beside him on the piano bench. He cracked his knuckles once, twice, then began to play the song. Her song. She closed her eyes and all tension left her. She rested her head on his shoulder as he continued to play.

She marvelled at how comfortable she felt around him and soaked up the joy of the moment.

"Beautiful," she whispered when he finished playing. "Thank you."

"I should be thanking you, Bella, for inspiring it."

"I don't know how something so perfect was inspired by someone so flawed."

Edward turned to face her. "Please Bella, please see yourself through my eyes. I think you're beautiful, I see your beauty even though you can't."

She blushed and got up. Edward took her hand in his. "I told you you're stuck with me. That means you're stuck with the truth even if you can't face it. I'm not going anywhere."

"Let's go back downstairs. I think supper's almost ready. Sure smells like it."

Edward laced his fingers through hers and they walked downstairs hand-in-hand. Bella felt so safe with him. She felt whole again, even if it was for fleetingly brief moments.

Out of solidarity for Bella who was on a soft diet for the next couple of days, Esme had made homemade turkey soup and biscuits for dinner. The gang ate it up with gusto.

Emmett and Rosalie were making goo-goo eyes across the table. Bella snickered to herself. Edward caught her and cocked an eyebrow in her direction. She grinned and motioned at the two new lovebirds with her head. His eyes got big before he snorted.

Esme cleared her throat. "Am I missing something here?"

Blushing, Bella looked at Edward for help. "Mom, it's nothing."

"Okay, as long as you say so."

After supper, Emmett invited everyone down to Casa Swan to watch movies.

Bella gave Rosalie and Jasper a quick tour of the place. Rose was floored by the reading room, which surprised her. She figured she'd be more awestruck over the closet.

"Oh Bella, you have to lend me some books. You've got the best collection here!"

"Sure," she whispered. "Help yourself."

Emmett insisted that they watch some stupid movie about car racing. Alice and Jasper, again, weren't paying attention to the movie, but to themselves. Em and Rose, both car aficionados, were deeply involved in the film, talking crank shafts and catalytic converters. Bella, frustrated, gestured to Edward to see if he wanted to go to her room. He nodded, his relief was clearly visible.

"Thank you for saving me, Bella. I owe you big time."

They sat on her bed and flicked through the channels on TV. They settled on a repeat episode of Mythbusters. Edward put his arm around her shoulders and she snuggled into him.

Next thing she knew it was morning and once again, she was drooling on poor Edward.

* * *

_**Reviews make my ginger kitty happy. You don't want Knuckles to get upset do you? He can do amazing things with those extra toes of his. **_

_**Really though, I'm thrilled with the response to this dark little story and I promise it's not all bad. There are moments of levity and joy coming up. Much like everything else in life, sometimes you have to go through a lot of crap to find your happily ever after.  
**_


	8. Ch 8 Doctor Doctor Give Me the News

_**Talk about being repetitive--sigh. All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**Just a reminder that this story contains subject matter that might not be suitable for all readers. Viewer discretion is advised. **_

_**So Bella's going to see the doctors this chapter. Angst, horrible memories and tears ensue.**_

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Drooling on Edward became a nightly occurrence at Casa Swan. They shared a bed every night. No one complained or questioned it because it seemed to make Bella feel safer and she was sleeping a lot better. As soon as the nightmares would start, he'd hum them away. Day by day, she was getting stronger and her emotional outbursts were down to a bare minimum.

Carlisle insisted that Bella meet with Dr. Taylor before school started. She was terrified. Edward volunteered to go with her and she gratefully accepted his offer. They crawled into his shiny silver Volvo, a sixteenth birthday present from his parents, and drove in nervous silence to her office. Bella's leg bounced up and down nervously as they sat in the waiting room. Edward held her hand and hummed to her hoping it would help her calm down.

"Bella, Dr. Taylor is really nice. I've met her before. You have nothing to worry about."

"Every time I talk about what happened I relive it and I puke. What if I puke on her?"

"If you want me in there, I can sit beside you with the wastepaper basket at the ready. I'll get you through it, I swear."

"And you swear nothing I say will change how you look at me? How you feel about me?"

"Pinky swear."

She sighed heavily. "Then I guess you may come with me."

Dr. Taylor came out of her office to greet them. "Hi Bella, I'm Dr. Taylor, but please, call me Victoria. Hello again, Edward."

"Hi Victoria," he said as he shook her hand. "I'll be sitting in on Bella's session, if that's okay."

"As long as Bella's cool with it, I am too. Come on in."

Dr. Taylor, a.k.a Victoria, was young, beautiful, and very alluring. Her red hair fanned out in big loose curls, her blue eyes smiled and she was dressed casually, which made the fact that she spoke so informally a lot easier to handle. If she had been your usual, staunchy, run-of-the-mill grey-haired, suit-wearing shrink it would have come off as 'trying too hard.'

Her office was warm and inviting, painted with muted terra cotta and highlighted with earthy tones. Bella and Edward sat on a soft, suede couch while Victoria pulled up a chair in front of them.

"Alrighty then," she said as she made herself comfortable and grabbed a clipboard. She pulled a pen out from behind her ear. "This is just a getting-to-know-you session. We don't have to get into anything too deep."

Bella looked at her shoes. Edward squeezed her hand. "It's okay."

"Bella, why don't we start with what I already know about you? It's all from Carlisle and he tells me you gave your permission for him to disclose it to me."

"Yes."

"Let's see. Your parents died in a car accident caused by a drunk driver and you blame yourself. Your brother Emmett opted to raise you himself but his best friend tortured, abused, and raped you for about a year before hurting you so badly you ended up in the hospital with a serious brain injury.

"You and your brother moved from Phoenix to Forks to live with the Cullens, your godparents, a couple of weeks ago. You have had a very difficult time adjusting. You have nightmares so bad that Edward spends most nights with you. You have panic attacks frequently, some of which result in vomiting."

Bella had never heard her life be compacted and, well, stated so bluntly. "Yeah, I guess that sounds about right," she said quietly.

"I see Edward has been eyeing my garbage can. Are you worried you might vomit now?"

She nodded, never meeting Victoria's eyes.

"Edward, go grab it, just in case." She smiled at Bella. "It's okay if you feel sick. It's quite natural considering the trauma you've endured."

"Thanks," Bella replied as she grabbed for Edward's hand before he had a chance to sit down.

"First things first, Bella. Carlisle would like you to go for a pelvic exam. Do you think you could do that? It's very important to know if he damaged you in any way and to test for sexually transmitted diseases."

Edward heard Bella's stomach gurgle. He put the can in front of her just as she let it go. He did his usual calming routine. Slow circles on her back and humming her song. Victoria passed over some tissues and a bottle of water.

"Are you okay Bella? What triggered that one?"

"STDs," she rasped.

"What about them?"

Bella drank half the bottle of water while Edward moved the can away from her. "I never once thought about STDs. It never crossed my mind. Actually, I hadn't though about 'that' until Carlisle brought it up. I guess I had forgotten about it."

"What do you mean you forgot about it?" Edward sputtered.

"Edward, sometimes in order to protect ourselves, the mind blocks memories too horrible to process. It sounds to me like Bella had pushed it back so she could deal with other things going on and to protect herself."

"Oh, I see. I didn't mean to interrupt."

"No, I'm glad you did. It's good if you can understand some of Bella's behaviours are as a result of instinct, the need to survive.

"So, Bella, will you go for an examination?"

"Yes."

"Good. That's a good first step. Now how would you feel about seeing me three times a week until you get better adjusted?"

"I'd like that."

"Excellent. I'm here to help you. I know it's hard to talk about it, but I think that you'll find that putting it out there will make you feel better, it will lighten the load."

"That's all fine and dandy, Victoria, but..."

"But what, Bella?"

"I have to physically live with what he did to me every day. Every time I take a shower, change my clothes, I am right back where I was when he was hurting me." Bella's voice was getting louder and louder.

"Why's that?"

Bella jumped up and lifted her shirt. Edward gasped. Victoria's face betrayed no change in emotion.

"Oh Bella, he really did brand you!" Edward exclaimed. He reached for her but she shook him off.

"See, I told you this would change the way you feel about me."

"It changes nothing Bella." Edward said firmly.

Victoria spoke up. "How does it make you feel Edward?"

"It makes me wonder how someone could do this to her. It makes me angry at James. It doesn't change how I feel about Bella. Not. One. Bit."

Bella stood in front of him and examined his face. His sincerity was radiating. "It really doesn't matter?"

He took her hands in his. "Nope, not one bit."

She leaned down and kissed his forehead. "Thank you, Edward."

"Thank you for trusting me, Bella."

Victoria cleared her throat. "Okay, that's a good place to leave off. Bella, let's book you in for a session on Wednesday and Friday."

* * *

Bella sat perched on the edge of the examining table dressed in a flimsy paper gown, a warm flannel sheet draped across her lap. Edward stood nervously beside her, holding her hand.

"Edward, I'm scared. I wish you could stay."

He swallowed hard before answering. "I hate to say this because I know you want me here, but I'm glad I can't stay. That tray of instruments is making me squeamish. Mom will be here for you though. She's good with the, uh, lady stuff."

Esme entered the room with Carlisle and Dr. Jane. Edward took his cue to leave. He quickly kissed Bella on the cheek and ran out as fast as his legs would carry him.

"Hi Bella, I'm Dr. Jane. I'll be performing your internal exam. Have you ever had one before?"

She shook her head.

"I'll explain what I'm doing as I go, and I'll try to make this as painless as possible, but I have to warn you that it won't be comfortable."

Bella shivered and looked fearfully to Esme.

"I'll be right here, dear."

"Okay Bella, please lay back and put your feet into the stirrups."

When Edward was called back into the room, he found Bella dressed again and crying. He ran over and hugged her. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head and sniffed.

"Mom, what happened?"

"Bella experienced a little post-traumatic episode during the examination but she's okay now. She made it through it like the brave girl she is." Esme pushed a piece of hair out of Bella's face. "It's all over now, dear. You did great."

Dr. Jane approached Bella. "I'll have the results by the end of next week. Before you go, I'd like to draw some blood."

Bella stuck her arm out. Dr. Jane pushed up her sleeve and tied the tourniquet above her elbow. She swabbed the crook of Bella's shaking arm with an alcohol pad and pressed down to find a vein. Once satisfied she'd found one, she inserted the needle. Edward watched as Bella's blood shot into the tubes like a geyser. Bella hid her face on Edward's chest.

"There, all done. Bella, dear, it was nice to meet you. I'll be in touch with your results. You can hop down now."

Bella stood up shakily and leaned against Edward.

"You did a good job, Bella. I'm proud of you."

"Can we please just go home?"

"Yes, dear." Esme said. "Let's go home."

When Bella got back to Casa Swan, she found Emmett playing video games in the living room and Rosalie sprawled out on the settee in the reading room with a book.

"Bella, I hope you don't mind. Em is too caught up in that stupid game. I got bored."

"No, no, anytime you need to get away, the room is yours."

"Are you okay?"

She tried to lie but the second she tried to open her mouth she started to cry. Emmett was in the room in seconds.

"Why are you crying? Rose, why is she crying? What happened?" He was panicked.

Rose spoke up. "Girl things, honey. Go back to your game and let us girls talk."

"Belly, are you sure?"

She nodded. Rose got up, planted a kiss on Emmett's cheek before shoving him out the door.

"Thank you," Bella said as she wiped her eyes on her sleeve.

"Come sit," Rose said as she patted a spot beside her on the window seat. "What happened?"

"I...I...I went for an..." she whispered the last two words "internal examination."

Rose hugged her. "Oh sweets, was that your first one since you were raped?"

"Yes," she said, just barely loud enough to be heard. _Wait! How did Rosalie know I was raped?_ She thought.

"I know exactly how you're feeling. My first one after I was raped was horrible. They had to hold me down. I refused to let anyone near me."

She stared at Rose in shock. "You were raped?"

Rose smiled sadly. "I told you that we had a lot in common, Bella. It happened when I was your age. I was attacked back in Memphis when I was walking home from a friend's house one night. Two guys pulled up in a car, offered me a ride. When I politely declined, they got out of the car, chased me down, dragged me to the woods, and raped me. They left me for dead on the side of the road. I managed to crawl home and when Jasper found me on the porch bleeding and broken they called the police. They forced me to go to the hospital where, as I mentioned, they had to hold me down to do the rape kit before they finally sedated me.

"I was a zombie for at least a year. They never found the guys who did it. I lived in fear for a long time. Well, until I decided that I wasn't going to let them steal everything from me. They may have stolen my virginity, but they were not going to take my life. We moved here a year after it happened and I started seeing Dr. Taylor, who helped me a lot. I also started going to group meetings. Talking to other rape survivors was also very helpful. It made me feel less alone.

"It took me a long time to trust people too. I'm so relieved to see that you aren't struggling with that."

"How do you mean?"

"Edward. The fact that you don't go screaming when he touches you is HUGE!"

"But that's Edward. He'd never hurt me."

"Still, you gave a virtual stranger the benefit of the doubt that he wouldn't hurt you. You're stronger than I was, and you're well on your way to recovery. You are stronger than you know, Bella.

"My biggest advice to you is don't move too quickly with Edward. You need time to..."

"WHAT? Move too quickly with Edward? We're not dating Rose."

"You will be. I can see it and Alice, who has a freaky ability to predict the future, is already picking out your wedding dress."

Bella scoffed. "Whatever. Edward doesn't like me like that. I'm way too fat, ugly and fucked up for someone as perfect as him."

"Sweets, you're not fat and you are far from ugly. I've seen the way you two look at each other. Don't deny that you have feelings for him."

She paused. Did she have feelings for Edward?

"I know I feel empty when he's not with me, but that's probably because we're always joined at the hip. I know he makes me feel safe and normal. He doesn't care that I've been branded..."

"Branded?"

"I'm surprised no one has told you. I mean, you knew about the rape..."

"A girl can just tell. We all have that same defeated look of despair in our eyes. How were you branded?"

Bella, feeling braver about showing it all the time, lifted her shirt. Rose let a cry escape. "Oh Bella! That's not right, that's not right at all. You know it's not true, right?"

Tired of hearing everyone say that immediately after they see it, Bella walked toward the door. "Thanks for the talk, Rose. I'm sorry it happened to you but I'm relieved to know I can talk to you."

"Bella, please don't go. Let's talk." Rose pleaded.

"I need to start digging around in my closet and find some back to school clothes. Alice threatened to take me shopping if I couldn't come up with five suitable, coordinated outfits for next week."

Rose snorted. "I see you've already met Shopaholic Alice."

"Yeah, she's terrifying."

"Godspeed Bella. And remember, anytime you want to talk, I'm just a phone call away."


	9. Ch 9 Firsts

_**You know the routine. Stephenie Meyer owns it all.**_

_**Okay, because people have been mentioning that this story is very intense and kind of dark, I will post a happier chapter, a much happier chapter.  
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Edward and Bella were in bed talking the following night when he got a strange look on his face.

"Uh, Bella?"

"Yes Edward?"

"This is going to sound weird and freaky and you can feel free to say no and slap me if I make you feel uncomfortable and this is so hard for me to ask but..."

"Spit it out Edward, you're rambling."

He struggled before blurting out: "Can I see where he..."

She paled. He wanted to see where James had marked her. She started to panic but reeled it back in. One deep breath, two deep breaths..."Okay."

He sat up. "Really?"

Wearily, Bella sighed. "Edward, you are the closest thing I have to a best friend. I trust you with everything and I know you won't hurt me. If you want to see it up close, then okay. Can you handle it? You won't freak out again will you?"

"No, I promise."

Bella slowly took off her shirt, glad she was still wearing a bra. She lay down on her back and closed her eyes. She didn't want to see the look of disgust that was bound to cross his face when he saw her.

He was quiet as he observed it, but then asked how James had done it.

Bella shuddered. She remembered it like it was yesterday. "He tied me down and used a butter knife and a blow torch. He wanted me to always remember that I was a disgusting pig, that I was HIS disgusting pig."

A moment later, she felt something ghosting over the scars. She opened her eyes and saw that Edward was tracing the letters with his index finger.

"Pretty."

"What? Did you call it pretty?"

"No, P-I-G stands for 'pretty,'" he traced the P. "'Intelligent,'" he traced the I. "'Girl.'" He ran his finger over the G. Then he kissed each letter. "PIG doesn't spell pig; it stands for Pretty Intelligent Girl which is exactly what you are."

Bella's heart filled with love as her eyes filled with tears. "Thank you Edward," she choked out.

"It's the truth. It can also stand for Pretty Incredible Girl, which is also true."

"Or it could be your stamp, Pretty Incredible Guy."

"Oh, if I were to claim you as mine, I would never mark you like that," he moved up to look her in the eyes. "If I wanted to mark you I would do this," he leaned in and began to nip and suck at her neck. She shivered as a very intense heat passed through her.

"Edward," she groaned.

He pulled up to face her. "Am I hurting you, love?"

She shook her head. "Kiss me?" she whispered.

"Yes," he said as he sat up, cupped her face and kissed her ever so gently. He paid close attention to her body language as he kissed her. Afraid he'd overstep his boundaries, he ended the kiss. Bella panted lightly.

"Bella?"

"Mmm?"

"You okay?"

"Oh yeah," she smiled up at him. "Thank you."

"What for?"

"For making my first kiss perfect."

"I'm your first kiss?"

She blushed. "I may not be a virgin, he may have taken that away, but he never kissed me, so thank you. Thank you for being tender and sweet and giving me a happy memory instead of one that makes me want to puke."

"I'm glad I could oblige. Oh, Bella, can I ask you something else?"

"What Edward?"

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

* * *

"You can do this Bella," Edward said as he squeezed her hand. "It's just school. Chances are there'll be one of us in each of your classes so you won't be alone. I'm just a text message away too." He kissed her on the cheek. "Everyone's going to love you, if you'll let them."

Bella looked up at the big brick building. Emmett came up behind her and patted her on the head. "Belly, if anyone fucks with you they'll have me, Eddie and Jasper to deal with."

Edward cringed when Emmett reverted to calling him Eddie, but had given up trying to correct him. He was just going to have to suck it up and roll with it.

Jasper, Alice and Rosalie joined them. "We're all in this together," Alice said optimistically.

"That's so High School Musical that I'm expecting a dancing basketball team to cabbage patch by." Bella said before snorting.

"That's the spirit," Jasper chuckled.

Deep breath in, Bella took a step forward. "Let's do this."

Edward smiled and led her to the administration building. He gave her a kiss before she and Emmett went to pick up their schedules.

English, French, Math, Free, Lunch, Biology, PE. Not a bad schedule.

She made her way to first class and sat beside a girl with glasses when she figured out she was on her own. It made her nervous that she didn't know anyone.

"Hi," the girl said shyly, "I'm Angela. You must be Bella."

"How did you know my name?"

"Forks is a small town, besides, Carlisle Cullen mentioned to my dad that you and your brother were moving here. He thought maybe they could introduce us. I'm not sure why they didn't."

"I've been kind of sick since I moved here."

"Rain getting to you? You'll get used to the moss growing in your lungs." She smiled warmly at Bella who couldn't help but like this girl.

"I'm getting used to it. It's too bad we didn't get to meet before. You'll have to come out to the house for a movie night sometime."

Angela's face lit up. "Really?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"Thanks Bella."

The teacher cleared her throat, handed out the syllabus and informed the class that they would be reading a collection of the classics this semester, all of which Bella had read and re-read before.

Edward was thankfully in Bella's French class. They sat together and held hands through most of the class. Madam Smith (how French can you get with a name like that) wanted them speaking French all the time, no exceptions. Bella struggled a little but Edward spoke it fluently and promised to tutor her. He said that summers in the South of France were finally paying off.

Math, far from being her favourite class, passed quickly and she realized that she'd already covered most of the concepts at her last school.

She spent her free period in the library with Alice and Jasper. They asked her about who she'd met, what she thought of her teachers, and whether or not she thought she'd like it at Forks High.

"So far, so good. I really like Angela. She seems sweet. I've read all the books for English already; Math won't be as hard since I've already done the units in Phoenix and Edward's going to tutor me in French."

Edward met her outside the library after the bell and the four of them walked to the cafeteria. The room was alive with people yelling, squealing, getting reacquainted after the summer. As soon as they stepped in the din all but stopped. All eyes were on them. Bella clutched Edward's hand and started to panic. "Why are they staring at us?"

"Don't worry, love. You're new and, well, they've never seen me holding hands with anyone. Let them get their gawking over with. Let's join Emmett and Rosalie—I see they've already grabbed our table."

Bella's stomach threatened to betray her yet again but she managed to choke it back.

"Can I get you some lunch Bella?"

"I'm not very hungry."

"You need to eat something. Soup? Sandwich? Pizza?"

"Uhm, just grab a sandwich and a diet soda, okay?"

"Your wish is my command." He kissed her quickly and walked away.

Bella could feel the stares boring into her back. She knew everyone had seen that kiss. Rosalie leaned across the table. "You know they're all terribly jealous, right?"

"Who is?"

"Every female in this cafeteria, well, except for the ones at this table, oh and the table of lesbians in the corner, no, wait, I think they're jealous of Edward." She smiled.

Bella snorted. What was up with that? When did Bella become a snorter? "You're too much Rose."

"It's true. Trust me. The female population of this school has been lusting after Edward since grade school and he's never been out with any of them. Consider yourself lucky," Alice chimed in.

Edward sat down and asked why Bella should consider herself lucky. She paused for a second, looked behind her at all the people staring then smiled evilly at Edward. "I'm lucky because they all want you and you're MINE," she said with a growl before she attacked his mouth. She fisted her hands in his hair to pull him closer.

"Ahem," Emmett cleared his throat. "Little sister you're making your older brother nauseous. Please control your hormonal urges in public."

Bella pulled one hand out of Edward's silky hair and flipped her brother off which started a chain of laughter. Before she could stop, she found herself laughing against Edward's mouth.

He took a moment to compose himself and shift his pants. "Wow, Bella, that was...wow...that...wow...uh..."

"Disgusting!" Emmett volunteered. Rosalie kicked him under the table.

Edward leaned toward Bella and rested his forehead on hers. "That was hot," he whispered.

She blushed. "I just wanted them to know that you were mine." She nipped at his nose.

After picking at her sandwich and draining her diet soda, she and Edward headed off to biology class. Again, after looking at the syllabus, Bella realized it was all material she'd covered in Phoenix. This year was going to be a snap. She might actually get good grades for a change.

PE was next, but thanks to a note from Carlisle, she wouldn't have to take class for a couple more weeks, until they were certain the bones in her face and skull were completely healed.

Edward met her in the parking lot after school beside his Volvo. "Ready for another wonderful afternoon session with Victoria, love?" He asked after he kissed her.

"Yeah, bring it on. If I can survive the first day of school I can survive an hour with Victoria."

Bella was actually starting to enjoy her time with Victoria. She felt safe talking about what had happened and although she still needed to have the garbage can nearby, she thought maybe she was starting to heal, a little bit.

Her relationship with Edward was progressing quickly, which scared her. Maybe they should discuss that soon.

"So, what's up guys? What should we talk about today?" Victoria asked as she sat cross-legged on her desk. "How was the first day of school?"

Bella shrugged. "It was okay."

"Care to qualify 'okay'?"

"I've already covered most of the material at my other school. The only things I'm worried about are French, which Edward's graciously offered to help me with, and PE."

"Why PE?"

"Because I'm a chronic klutz and I don't want to change in front of anyone. They might see..."

"Are there no private change areas?"

"Not really, and what about when I shower?"

"You don't have private shower areas?"

"Not really. I really wish I could get out of PE permanently."

"Maybe you should talk to Carlisle and Esme about that."

"That's an idea."

"So, not to point out the white elephant in the room or anything, but, uh, what's up with you two? You're cuddlier than usual."

Bella and Edward both blushed. He spoke up first. "I, uh, asked Bella to be my girlfriend."

"How does that make you feel Bella?"

"Wonderful."

"Really? There's no fear? You just feel wonderful?"

"Should I be afraid?"

"No, no, it's just that most rape survivors are nervous and afraid around men."

"Yeah, but Edward's different."

"What's different about Edward?"

Bella looked at him and smiled before turning back to Victoria. "He doesn't care that I'm broken. He likes me anyway. He protects me. I feel safe around him. Because he knows so much about my past I don't have to hide. Because I'm his PIG."

Victoria was appalled. "Bella that's..."

Edward cut in. "Because she's my Pretty Incredible Girl."

Victoria calmed down slightly. "You turned James' desecration of Bella's body into something positive. That's wonderful. I can't help but worry though. Bella, you are still so early in recovery and Edward's played such a protective role in your life that I'm concerned you are attracted to the safety and not the person. I would hate to see either of you get hurt."

Bella sighed. "I know how I feel. Yes he makes me feel safer than anyone else in the world but I am positive that I am attracted to Edward the person, not just Edward the protector. I'm lucky that I have a boyfriend who takes such good care of me."

"Edward, what are your feelings for Bella?"

"My life felt really empty before I met her. People were asking me out all the time but I always turned them down because it didn't feel right, I wasn't attracted to any of them. Now with Bella, it was as if I was waiting for her all these years. When she's around I feel whole. That sounded cheesy didn't it?"

"No, that was lovely. Is there anything else?"

He paused. "Yeah," he said quietly.

"What is it?"

"I'm scared."

Bella turned to him. "Why are you scared?"

"I'm scared that I'm going to do something and hurt you. I'm scared that I'll touch you the wrong way and you'll run. I'm scared that you'll realize you're worth more than me and you'll leave. I'm scared you don't love me as much as I love you..."

"Wait. You love me?"

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. "I didn't mean that."

Bella's heart shattered. "You don't love me?"

"NO! No, Bella, I do love you. I just didn't want to blurt it out in a therapy session. Bella, love, look at me. I think I fell in love with you the moment you arrived in Forks."

Victoria spoke next. "Edward, Bella's only been here for a couple of months. Are you sure it's love you're feeling?"

"I know this is happening fast, and I've never been in love before but this," he gestured between Bella and himself, "this feels like love. It hurts to be away from her, I spend most of my time thinking about her. I would die for her."

"Bella? What are you feeling right now?"

She stood up and paced back and forth. "I'm confused. I think I love Edward too. I mean I know I have very strong feelings for him but I don't think I understand love. This isn't coming out right. I'm positive there's no one else on the planet that I want to be with. I worry about him when he's not with me. I want everyone to know that he's mine, which is kind of messed up because James wanted to claim me and I swore I never wanted to feel possessed and here I am trying to show everyone that Edward is mine and feeling perfectly fine that he wants me to be his.

"Am I making sense? Ugh, Edward, you are the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me and I'm scared too. I'm scared that I'm never going to be good enough, I'm damaged goods. I'm scared that you're going to realize that I'm too fucked up and you'll leave me for someone normal like Angela. I'm terrified you're going to want something that I don't know I can give, at least not now. I'm scared you'll get tired of waiting.

"Edward Cullen, I'm...ah hell, I love you too!"

She threw herself into his arms and cried. "I love you, you magnificent bastard and that scares the shit out of me."

Victoria spoke next. "Well, not that you've cleared the air," she giggled, "Do you feel better?"

Bella nodded. "Yeah."

"I think that on Wednesday we should address the intimacy issues and the sexual assaults."

Bella paled. Edward reached for the garbage can, but Bella waved him off. "I'm okay."

"I can't say that I'm entirely thrilled that the two of you are dating. I won't lie, I'm worried. I know that everything feels good right now Bella, but there's so much more ground to cover. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and I want you both to swear that you will contact me if anything happens, or if you ever need to talk. I would much rather talk you down afterhours than clean up a catastrophe at the next session. Here's my card with my private numbers. PROMISE ME that you will call."

"Pinky swear," they replied at the same time.

"Okay, get out of here. I'll see you on Wednesday."

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_**See! It's not all doom and gloom all the time. I hope you enjoyed Edward and Bella's first kiss. **_

_**Reviews make me want to post more chapters and there are more ready to go. (Oh, and can someone fill me in on how to have more than 15 chapters uploaded? All 22 chapters of this story are finished, but I can't seem to upload more than 15. I'm still new to fanfic dot net and i'm a little lost!)  
**_


	10. Ch 10 Results May Cause Bitchiness

_**Stephenie Meyer still owns everything. I still own nothing but a wonderful group of readers. :)**_

**_Thanks to new reviewers_ Edward's-a-beefcake, Dolphin4442, and Luinvinial, _a big shout out to my regulars (you guys are the best!) and a_ HUGE_ thanks to everyone who messaged me about how to upload more chapters. They are now up and ready to go._**

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Carlisle called Bella into his study when they got home. "Bella, your test results are in."

She felt her knees start to buckle. She grabbed hold of the door frame.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. So, break it to me, doc," she tried to joke.

"Please come sit."

"Is it that bad that I have to sit down? Should I have Edward here for this?"

"Oh no, no, Bella. I just thought you'd be more comfortable sitting than hanging onto a doorframe."

She walked in and sat down on the familiar couch.

"So, your blood tests came back negative for Hepatitis and HIV, your pap smear came back clear, so you're STD free right now. We will have to retest for HIV in six months as a precaution, but I really don't think there's anything to worry about."

"Thank god!" Bella exclaimed.

"However,"

"I don't like the sound of that 'however' Carlisle."

"When they did your pelvic exam they noticed that there was a lot of scarring. James must have been extremely aggressive because Dr. Jane said that she'd never seen anything quite like it. Are your periods regular Bella?"

"No, they all but stopped after the first couple of times he..."

"Well, without further testing we won't know for sure but Dr. Jane was concerned that the scarring might impede your ability to one day have children. "

Bella was silent for a moment. When she spoke, her voice lacked any colour at all. "Oh. May I go now?"

"Dear, don't you want to talk..."

"No Carlisle. I'm talked out for today. Thank you for reporting back to me."

"Dr. Jane would like..."

"Unless my life is in danger, I don't need to talk to Dr. Jane again until my yearly pap test, right?"

"Actually, under the circumstances, you'll need to see her every six months for a couple of years. She is concerned with abnormal cells forming on your cervix."

"Fine. Thank you again. I'm going home now. I've had a long day and I have homework to do."

* * *

Edward crawled into bed with Bella that night and wrapped his arms around her. She stiffened.

"Bella, love, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Good night Edward."

"I love you."

Silence.

"Bella?"

"I just need to sleep. Good night."

Bella continued to be standoffish the next day. She'd still hold Edward's hand, but it seemed it was just for show. That night it was the same. Edward crawled into bed with her and she froze him out. If it weren't for the fact that the nightmares were getting worse, he would have slept in his own bed. Three times she woke him up screaming. Emmett ran in twice to check on her.

Victoria clued in right away that there was trouble in paradise.

"Sit, sit. Looks like we've got lots to talk about. Bella, you look like you want to scream and Edward you look like you want to cry. What's going on?"

Edward spoke first. "I don't know! Maybe she'll tell you, because she won't tell me."

"When did this start?"

"After our last session."

"Bella? What's up?"

"Victoria, can I talk to you alone? Edward, I'm sorry I've been such a bitch, I really am. I do love you very much, please know that, but I need to talk to Victoria about girl things."

Edward jumped up quickly. "Say no more. I'll be in the waiting room being thankful you sent me away."

Victoria laughed. "We'll call you back in a few, Edward."

Bella mouthed the word 'thanks' to him. Once he was gone she decided to get it all out as fast as she could. "I got my test results back from the gyno. I'm all clear. No STDs."

"That's great news Bella! Aren't you happy?"

"I'm ecstatic but there's more. James...ugh...that bastard may have ruined my chances of having kids. Again he wins! I can't catch a break. He broke my body, my mind, and my spirit."

"How did he ruin your chances of conceiving?"

"He was always very rough. Very rough. You know how a woman produces a natural lubricant when she's aroused? Well, seeing as I wasn't ever aroused when he raped me, he kind of tore me, scarred me. The doctors think he might have completely destroyed my plumbing.

"I'm not saying that I ever wanted to have kids but now I don't have the choice. I really am ruined! How can Edward stand to be with someone who is defective, who may never feel comfortable enough with him to make love and one day give him the family he deserves?"

Bella started crying. "It's not fair! I didn't ask for this! It wasn't my fault and now I'm the one who has to pay for it. Well, me and Edward.

"Victoria, it has killed me to shut him out the past couple of days. I've had more nightmares than ever and yet he still stays to comfort me. I don't deserve him and he doesn't deserve to be stuck with me—I'm nothing but sloppy, scarred seconds.

"I thought maybe I could block him out so it wouldn't hurt as bad when he realized he was too good for me."

Victoria kneeled in front of Bella. "You are worthy Bella. Edward won't leave you because you may or may not be able to have kids. My biggest concern is that you need to see that.

"You did, however, say something interesting. You said that you didn't ask for this, that it wasn't your fault. Do you really believe that?"

"Yeah, I think I do. I know I didn't ask James to hurt me. I know I didn't really do anything to deserve it. Nobody deserves to be treated so cruelly."

Victoria jumped up. "Hallelujah! We have our first breakthrough! Bella, can I bring Edward back in?"

"Uh, sure?"

When Edward walked back in he looked nervous. Bella patted the seat beside her.

Clapping her hands together gleefully, Victoria smiled widely at them. "Bella, please tell Edward what you just told me."

"Which part?"

"Your little epiphany."

"Oh, I realized that..."

"Bella, choose your words better. Tell him what you know."

"Edward, I know that what happened with James wasn't my fault. I know that I didn't deserve it."

He smiled. "Do you really feel that way?"

"Yes."

"Bella, love, that's HUGE! I'm so happy for you!"

"Uhm, there's more. I need to tell you why I've been such a bitch lately. I got my test results."

The smile left his face. "And?"

"Oh, I'm clean. No STDs."

"That's great news...wait, I'm sensing a but...you're not pregnant are you because if you are I'll stick by you and we'll raise..."

The almost-joy in Edward's voice broke her heart. He wanted a kid, even if it wasn't his. "It's actually kind of the opposite. Carlisle told me that James made such a mess that I probably won't be able to have kids."

"Oh, but that doesn't bother me Bella. As long as I have you, the rest is gravy."

"But it bothers ME! I want to give you gravy someday. I want us to have a house full of gravy. Not to mention it's just another part of me he's ruined.

"How can you want someone's sloppy seconds Edward?"

"Because you'll never be sloppy seconds to me, love. NEVER. Love doesn't see things that way."

"I hate to do this guys," Victoria cut in. "We're running out of time. For Friday's session, can you both come up with a list of fears that you have? Doesn't matter what they are. And please, Bella, try not to shut people out when you're scared. It makes things worse. Can you work on that?"

"Yes," they replied.

"Good." She gave Bella a hug. "Be proud Bella, you made some major steps today. It's never going to be easy, but we'll never let you drown."

"Thanks."

She hugged Edward. "You're doing an amazing job Edward. Don't give up on her. She'll be worth it in the end."

"I won't."


	11. Ch 11 Gorecki

_**Stephenie Meyer may have created these wonderful characters and has millions of adoring fans, but she doesn't necessarily have the wonderful readers and reviewers that I do right now! You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for the reviews and the encouragement. It really means a lot.  
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_**I liked writing this next installment because I had the pleasure of using my favourite song of all time in this chapter. The song is called **_**Gorecki**_** and it's by the wonderful group **_**LAMB**_**, who have just reunited to do a series of festival shows this year. You should check them out. They are delicious.**_

_**It's Bella's sixteenth birthday so expect some actual happy moments in this chapter. Yes, you read right, people actually have brief moments of joy in this story. ;)  
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"Happy birthday!"

Bella tried to wipe the sleep from her eyes so she could see who dared wake her so early in the morning. On a Sunday even!

When she managed to focus she saw that it was the whole fam damily. "Did I not tell you I didn't want any birthday nonsense?"

Alice pounced on the bed. "Yeah, but we don't listen very well. Happy birthday! Get up! We brought breakfast!"

"Ugh, can I have a human minute at least?"

"Fine, but hurry. We have big things planned for today Bella."

When she got out of bed and shuffled toward the bathroom, she saw that the mirror was covered with balloons and someone with impeccable penmanship had written "I *heart* you Bella. Happy birthday."

Edward, he was such a sap sometimes. She couldn't help but smile.

She brushed her teeth and hair before returning to her room. Everyone was camped out in various places around the room eating breakfast. "You couldn't wait for me?" she teased.

Emmett, mouth full of pancake, mumbled something about being hungry. She laughed.

Edward patted a spot on the bed and gave her a kiss when she sat down. He placed a plate in her lap and returned to his own pancakes. She had to admit this was nice. Her fifteenth birthday had been...oh no, here comes that bite of pancake.

Bella stood up and ran to the bathroom. It wasn't long before Edward had resumed his position at her side, rubbing her back and humming.

"I ruin everything," she rasped.

"No love, you didn't ruin anything. What was it that brought this one on?" Edward said as he helped her up on the counter. He grabbed a facecloth and cleaned up her face before placing a sweet kiss on her nose.

"I was just thinking about my last birthday."

Edward shook his head. "What did he do?"

"Emmett had gone out to buy a cake and presents. James came over under the pretense that he wanted to help me celebrate my birthday. Emmett was happy because I wouldn't be alone. While Em was gone he..."

"...raped you." Edward finished.

"I was so sore, so sick, that I could barely choke down the cake Emmett was so proud he'd bought. I ended up getting sick all over the floor. James knocked me down and kicked me in the head when Em went to get a mop and bucket."

"I promise to try to make this the only birthday you'll ever want to remember, Bella." Edward said as he hugged her.

"Please, Edward, don't make a fuss over me."

"It's too late Bella, the ball, or better yet, the pixie is already rolling, if you will."

Sighing, she straightened out her rumpled clothes. "Do I look okay?"

"You look beautiful."

She swatted at him. "You're biased. You're my boyfriend and you'd lie to me if I looked like shit on a shingle."

"Love you Bella."

"Love you more, Edward."

Everyone was staring worriedly at Bella when she returned. "It's all good, guys. Sorry about that."

Emmett grabbed her in a bear hug. "Are you sure you're okay Belly?"

"Yup, I'm okay now."

"I love you."

"Love you too, Em. Now please let me go before you re-break one of my ribs."

"Oh, sorry."

Once breakfast was finished, Esme invited Bella up to the main house once she was showered and ready. Edward gave her a kiss and promised to see her shortly.

She stood under the scalding hot water as she did every day and prayed the scars would fall off. Instead of staring at them obsessively when she was drying off, she avoided the mirror altogether. No need to get upset again.

Unsure as to what they had planned of her, Bella didn't dress in her usual Sunday sweats. She put on a pair of denim capris and a long-sleeved blue shirt. She pulled her hair up into a ponytail and walked up to the house.

The path was lined with balloons and flowers. While it annoyed her that they went to all this trouble, she couldn't help but smile and feel an enormous amount of love for her new family.

Alice met her on the patio. "Come on!"

Nervous about what she'd find in the house, she was pleasantly surprised to see that Angela, Rosalie and Jasper were there. They all hugged her and dragged her into the living room. She scanned the room for Edward but didn't see him.

Carlisle and Esme joined everyone in the living room, smiling, laughing. Bella couldn't help but lose herself in the amiable atmosphere. For a while, it felt as if life was normal. Alice put on some upbeat music and Bella found herself being pulled to her feet and being bounced around from person to person. They laughed, danced, and carried on like old friends until Bella was out of breath. She excused herself to go to the washroom. Edward was standing off to the side smiling. He held his arms out to her. She ran over without hesitation.

"Where were you? I looked for you everywhere."

He leaned down to give her a kiss. "I was running an errand. Did you miss me or something?"

"I did. You're missing all the fun."

"It's not too late to join in, is it?" He flashed that heart-stopping half-smile and she melted in his arms.

"Mm, it's never too late," she kissed him deeply, wrapping her arms around his neck. Being with him like this was too easy. "Oh! I have to pee! Be right back. Don't move!" She ran off as he chuckled.

When she returned to where she'd left Edward, he was still there. "Let's go dance!" she said.

"I somehow never pictured you as a dancer," he said.

"I suck, but it's still fun. Come on!"

They joined the others in the living room. They were bouncing around to a Kelly Clarkson song. "I'm not much of a fan, but this is pretty catchy!" Edward yelled over the loud music.

"I dare you to sit still," Bella grabbed his hand and twirled with him, her head thrown back in complete and utter abandon. The smile that lit her face was so bright that Edward could swear she was glowing. He stepped away for a moment to grab a camera. This moment needed to be captured. He'd never seen her this happy.

Playing stealth ninja photographer he managed to snap dozens of photos. He thought if he didn't do well in medical school he could always become a paparazzi.

Bella stopped dancing and watched Edward. She made faces at him as she approached him. He pulled her close and took a few shots of them together; most of which were out of focus, or they were cut off at the chin. Alice came over to help them out, taking a slew of adorable photos of the happy couple.

After everyone was exhausted from the dancing, Esme shuffled them off to the dining room for a drink before dinner. Bella sniffed deeply. Something smelled divine. Was that Thai spice she smelled?

She didn't have to wait too long to find out. Esme, Carlisle and Alice came out of the kitchen carrying large bowls of Pad Thai, Bella's favourite. Emmett followed with a massive tray of spring rolls and potstickers. Not exactly authentic Thai food, but it would do.

"Guys, you didn't have to do this for me. This is too much!" Bella blushed.

Alice pouted and made a face at her. "You don't like it?"

"No, I love it! This is the best birthday ever, but you didn't have to go out of your way for me."

"Bella, love, you are so worth it, and so much more." Edward murmured as he nuzzled her neck.

They talked and laughed as they ate. Bella couldn't believe how delicious it was. It tasted better than her favourite Thai restaurant in Phoenix and she ate until her stomach was bloated.

Emmett watched his sister and smiled. He couldn't believe how incredible Bella was doing. It was as if the past year had never happened—she was his baby sister Belly again, not the tortured shell she had become. His eyes began to fill with tears, his heart breaking, so he excused himself for a moment. He walked out to the back deck and sat on an Adirondack chair. He couldn't hold it in any longer. He cried like a baby.

"Em darling, are you okay?"

Rosalie put her arm around his shoulders. "Talk to me, sweets."

He couldn't speak. He sobbed, burying his head in her lap. She rubbed his back and ran her fingers through his short hair. "It's okay, baby, let it out."

A few minutes later he composed himself enough to speak, albeit very quietly. Rose had to kneel in front of him to hear properly. "I broke her Rose. She used to be like this all the time, happy, smiling, dancing, laughing. Now we're lucky to get a half-assed smirk out of her between panic attacks and let's not forget the puking. If I had been any kind of brother at all, she'd still be like that. I can't stand the guilt Rose, it's killing me."

Emmett was startled when another set of arms wrapped around him. "Emmett, it's okay. Or at least it will be."

"Belly, you weren't supposed to hear that. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin your birthday." He started to cry again. "Look at me, crying like some Emo bitch."

"Emmy, please don't cry. You haven't ruined anything. This is still the best birthday ever. I've got all my favourite living people here and we're having fun. I want you to have fun too.

"I promised myself I wouldn't think about anything but this moment today. I'm going to enjoy every stinking minute I have with everyone because you never know if they'll still be here tomorrow.

"So, please Emmy, for me and even more, for you, let's just think about now, the people we love and celebrating life.

"I hate birthdays, you know that, but this one is different. This is the beginning of a new year for me, a new journey, and I know it'll be tough at times but I've been given a second chance and I don't want to blow it.

"So are you going to come in willingly or do I have to tickle you?"

Emmett pulled her into a bear hug. "I love you so much Belly."

"I know Emmett, and I love you more. Now let's get some cake before Jasper and Edward eat it all."

Carlisle and Esme gathered everyone at the front door. Bella wondered where Emmett had disappeared to and hoped that he wasn't off being upset somewhere. She looked to Rosalie who smiled at her reassuringly.

"We would like to continue the Cullen 16th birthday tradition which we started with Edward just a couple of months ago. Today is Bella's turn and soon enough we'll be honouring Alice with the same gift.

"So please Bella, won't you join your new family and friends out on the deck to unveil your birthday present."

Bella was shocked. Surely they hadn't...

Edward nudged her forward. "Come on, love. Let's go see it."

Every step closer to the door made her more nervous. Carlisle threw it open and Bella screamed. Emmett was pulling around the corner in a fire engine red classic Volkswagen Bug convertible. "No, no, no, no..." Bella repeated. She turned to run and Edward caught her.

"What is it? You don't like it?"

"Too much," she squeaked.

Carlisle peeled her off Edward. "Bella dear, it's not too much. We bought the Volvo for Edward, we offered to buy a new Jeep for Emmett, but he said that he was too attached to his old one. Please, let us do this for you. We have been blessed with not only a wonderful family, but also financial security. I don't want to come off bragging but in the grand scheme of things, this isn't any bigger of a deal for us than someone buying a bicycle.

"Emmett knew you'd always wanted one—it's a true classic, just like you. We were very fortunate to find this one; it's in mint condition, if not better. Please dear, please accept this small token of our love and enjoy the new freedom."

"Freedom," Bella whispered. "I don't have my license yet."

"You will soon enough," Edward said as he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on the top of her head. "Why don't we take her for a spin?"

"I...I don't know...It really..."

"BELLA!" Alice screeched. "They won't take no for an answer, just accept it and be happy."

She thought about it for a moment before looking back at everyone. They all looked back at her with love and joy. "Okay, thank you," she said quietly before suddenly letting out a squeal and running toward her stunning new dream car. She was beautiful! The chrome gleamed, the paint shone, and the sight of it made her cry. She asked Emmett if she could sit inside. He got out and gave her a hug before she crawled in. Her hands wrapped instinctively around the steering wheel before she rested her head on it to sob.

Edward walked over to the window. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "I'm better than okay. This is fucking amazing!" She stopped. "Sorry, I didn't mean to curse."

Carlisle and Esme laughed. "It's okay Bella, it's your birthday."

"Want to go for a ride? I still have to give you my present."

"Give me a second." She jumped out of the car and ran to the deck. She hugged each and every one of them, thanking them for the wonderful birthday. She stopped in front of Carlisle and Esme. "Thank you so much. Not just for the car, but for the day, the past couple of months, and for saving my life. I love you guys."

She ran off before they could say anything. She heard Esme sniffle. Emmett grabbed her and twirled her around. "Belly, my baby sister's growing up! Thanks for the pep talk, I needed that."

"Em, will you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Come see Dr. Taylor with me, or go by yourself. It hurts to know you're struggling."

"I don't know."

"Don't be such a pussy, Em. Think about it at least?"

"Okay. Now," he said taking an authoritative tone. "You be careful out there with that boy. If I find out he goes 1 mph over the speed limit..."

"Oh Em!" she slapped him.

"Be safe, you two. I love you Belly."

"I love you too."

Edward drove them out to a dirt road and stopped. "Time to get out, birthday girl."

Bella was confused. "Where are we going?"

"It's just a short walk. Not far."

"But it's going to get dark, what if..."

"Relax, love. Do you honestly think I'd do anything to endanger your life?"

"I guess not."

"Can you please trust me? I brought a flashlight."

Edward opened her door and led her toward a path. They walked carefully over tree trunks and gnarled exposed roots. Bella was starting to wonder what he was up to.

"Not far now."

"I hope not, the sun's going to set soon."

"Have a little faith, Bella," he chuckled.

Finally, the path opened to a field. Bella was stunned. The compulsion to run was overwhelming, except she wasn't running from something, she wanted to run toward the edge of the world and soar.

Edward took her hand in his. "Want to run?"

"How did you know," she whispered, afraid to ruin the moment.

"Because I wanted to do the same thing the first time I came here. Are you ready?"

She smiled at him. "OH YES!"

So they ran. Hand in hand they ran through the field toward the horizon. The sun was casting an incredible palette of colours around them. Twilight was nearing at the end of a sea of oranges, purples and deep blues. Bella laughed, enraptured by it all. It felt like they could run and get lost in the sunset before them.

Way too soon, Edward stopped them. Bella looked down and they were perched on the edge of a steep cliff, overlooking the water.

"Oh Edward! That was perfect!" Bella turned and jumped into his arms. "I've never felt so free in my life. This was the best gift ever."

He kissed her slowly, passionately. "I'm glad you like it."

"I didn't like it, I LOVED it! I love you."

"As I love you. I hate to ruin the moment, but there's more."

"Really?"

"Yes, come with me."

He led her to a smooth rock outcropping where there was a fire pit, a blanket and basket. Once satisfied that she was comfortable, he lit a fire, found some candles in the basket and lit them, then took a seat behind her, wrapping his arms around her as he leaned back on a large boulder.

"I should have brought a sweater," Bella said as she kissed his arm.

"Ask and ye shall receive." Edward reached into the basket and pulled out his favourite Dartmouth hoodie. He also pulled out a sweater for himself as well as a docking station and an iPod. "Now it's my turn. I wanted to so something for you, something different. So I filled an iPod for you with some of my favourites, your favourites, some songs that remind me of you, and ones I hope will remind you of me.

He passed her the iPod Touch. It was an 80GB one. She began to scroll through the list of artists: Blue October, Muse, Flyleaf, All-American Rejects, Lamb, Secondhand Serenade, Jump Little Children, Postal Service, Our Lady Peace, Alanis Morrissette, Pearl Jam, Death Cab for Cutie...the list went on and on.

"Wow. Thank you Edward. I don't know what to say."

"Don't speak, love. Listen. There's something I want to play for you."

Edward connected her shiny new iPod to the docking station and within moments she heard a familiar melody. She turned around to face him. "It's my song!"

He laughed as he cupped her face in his hands. "You wanted to know where I was today? I was recording your song. Now you'll have it whenever you need it. Even if I'm not around."

Unable to contain herself any longer, she launched herself at him and cried.

"I hope those are happy tears Bella."

She nodded as she sobbed.

He held her tight and rocked her, as he did every night when she had nightmares. "I don't know what to say, Edward."

"Just tell me you're happy."

"I am happy. You have no idea. Oh, let me play a song for you. Please?"

If I should die this very moment  
I wouldn't fear  
For I've never known completeness  
Like being here  
Wrapped in the warmth of you  
Loving every breath of you  
Still my heart this moment  
Or it might burst  
Could we stay right here  
Until the end of time until the earth stops turning  
Wanna love you until the seas run dry  
I've found the one I've waited for

All this time I've loved you  
And never known your face  
All this time I've missed you  
And searched this human race  
Here is true peace  
Here my heart knows calm  
Safe in your soul  
Bathed in your sighs  
Wanna stay right here  
Until the end of time  
'Til the earth stops turning  
Gonna love you until the seas run dry  
I've found the one I've waited for

The one I've waited for

All I've known  
All I've done  
All I've felt was leading to this  
All I've known  
All I've done  
All I've felt was leading to this  
Wanna stay right here  
'Til the end of time 'till the earth stops turning  
I'm gonna love you till the seas run dry  
I've found the one I've waited for  
The one I've waited for  
The one I've waited for

Wanna stay right here  
'Til the end of time 'till the earth stops turning  
I'm gonna love you till the seas run dry  
I've found the one I've waited for  
The one I've waited for  
The one I've waited for

* * *

_**Seriously, that song is incredible and I can't encourage you enough to check out the gloriousness that is **_**LAMB.**

**_This chapter being posted right now is courtesy of me taking the afternoon off work. I am so happy to be out of the office that I thought I'd share my joy with y'all because you're all so wonderful._  
**


	12. Ch 12 Silence Isn't Always Golden

**_Madame Stephenie Meyer est la créatrice du monde de Twilight et retient les droits de tout les caractères. Yeah, so my written French isn't the best. I can speak it just fine._**

**_We now return you to your regularly scheduled angst. This chapter is graphic. Some readers may be offended.  


* * *

_**

"So, Bella, how've things been? Did you have a nice birthday?" Victoria asked at the beginning of their session.

"It was the best birthday EVER!" she exclaimed. "Edward recorded my song for the iPod he got me. Carlisle and Esme bought me a car! Can you believe it? A car! A fire-engine red classic VW Bug convertible. They had a party for me and we danced and laughed and ate until we were bursting at the seams." Bella bounced up and down as she told Victoria about her day. "My school friend Angela came over too! Then Edward took me to the most magical place where we ran to the edge of the world. Then we had a bonfire. It was the best day ever."

"I can tell. That's great Bella. So, no problems?"

"Well, just a couple of minor things, I guess. I threw up in the morning but was fine the rest of the day."

"What prompted it?"

"I thought about my last birthday," Bella shuddered.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not particularly, but I can if you want. Edward's already heard about it, not in great detail because he doesn't need to suffer through it."

"Bella, you don't have to censor for my sake. I can handle it."

"Edward, would you be averse to stepping out for a few minutes?"

Bella sighed. "He can stay if he wants. I just figured he wouldn't want to hear it again."

Edward squeezed Bella's hand. "Actually, I wouldn't mind going to the boy's room. I drank a lot of coffee today. You girls have a chat. If you need me, you know where to find me." He kissed the top of Bella's head and left.

"Guess you want the gory details, eh?"

Victoria moved to take Edward's spot on the couch. "You tell me as much as you're comfortable with."

"Okay, better grab the garbage can. This could get messy."

Garbage can in place, Bella fought to find all the memories associated with her fifteenth birthday. "Mom and Dad hadn't been gone for too long at this point. James had already started...well, you know. Em was trying hard to make it a happy day for me—he was concerned, I guess, because I'd been so sad and stand-offish."

"Why was that?"

"I was afraid he'd find out about what was going on with James, and afraid I'd snap and tell him."

"What did you think would happen if he knew?"

"James said Emmett would leave me."

"So, what happened."

"Em went out to buy me a present, stuff for dinner, and a cake but he didn't want to leave me alone for too long so he asked James to come over.

"I was hiding in my room when he showed up. He broke in and put a beating into me for trying to hide. After, as he usually did, he'd hug me and tell me not to tell anyone.

"Then he started touching me. He put his hands up my shirt and started squeezing my tits hard. If I flinched or winced he'd do it harder. Then he pulled my shirt up and covered my head before he pushed me on my back.

"He pawed around on my chest before he pulled down my pants," Bella gulped. She didn't want to throw up. "He stuck his hand in my underpants and...touched me...hard. Then I could hear him moaning. I think he was touching himself. I don't know for sure. Then..." Bella reached for the garbage can and threw up. Victoria rubbed her back gently while she was sick.

Once she was cleaned up and had some water, she tearfully continued. "He thrust several fingers into me before he finally ripped off my underpants."

Bella threw up again. She continued talking even though she was dry heaving. "He stuck his fingers up my..."

Victoria spoke up. "Bella, you don't have to do this."

"I do," she spat. "I need to get the poison out of me. I'll feel better after. So, he stuck his fingers up my ass and it hurt so bad. I screamed out and he put his hand over my mouth, after he backhanded me. I was struggling so much he decided to finish quickly. Again, like the other times, he thrust himself into me and I wasn't ready. He ripped me and I bled." Bella dry heaved again. "Please get Edward. I can't..." she paused to heave again. "I can't seem to stop."

Victoria went to the door and called Edward back in.

"Bella, love, calm down. Breathe."

"I...can't...stop," she cried desperately.

"Should I call Carlisle?" Edward asked, worried.

Bella croaked out a pathetic no before she convulsed again.

"Victoria, what happened?"

"Song Edward. Hum!" Bella croaked.

Edward began to hum her song while he implored the therapist to explain.

"She told me about her last birthday, in detail. It took a lot of courage for her to do it. I'm just sorry it led to this. Bella, you need to calm down."

"I'm okay," she sobbed. "Poison gone."

"What did she say?" Edward asked.

"I think she said that the poison was gone."

Bella weakly gave them a thumbs up.

Worried about Bella, he called Carlisle anyway to see what they should do. He suggested that he bring her by his office at the hospital so he could make sure she wasn't dehydrated.

Once Bella's retching slowed down to hiccups, Edward carried her to his Volvo, and drove to the hospital where Carlisle met them in the lobby.

"Bella, how're you feeling dear?"

"Tired," she mouthed. Her throat was raw again.

"Would you mind me checking your throat?"

She nodded.

"Say aah, dear."

Bella tried to make a noise but nothing came out.

"Ah, my dear, I think you've strained your vocal cords. No more talking for the next couple of days, okay? You're back on soft foods, although I'm not sure you're going to feel like eating much. Does your stomach hurt?"

She nodded.

"We'll have to keep an eye on that. I don't think you're dangerously dehydrated. You'll just need to drink lots of fluids to bring your levels back up. If you continue to vomit tonight we'll have to bring you back."

"Home?" she whispered.

"NO talking Bella—including whispering." Carlisle scolded.

"Home please?" she mouthed silently.

Edward agreed and helped her get down to the car. She was tired, weak, and sore, yet she felt lighter and it wasn't just because she'd expelled the contents of her digestive tract into a terra cotta-coloured plastic garbage can.

* * *

"Bella? Wake up love."

She stirred slightly, let out a barely audible groan before she opened her eyes.

"Morning," Edward kissed her forehead. "I hated to wake you, but I'm leaving for school. Carlisle wants you to stay home and rest today. As do I. You didn't sleep very well last night, not to mention you're not allowed to talk. You drink lots of liquids today and rest, okay?"

She panicked. "Don't go," she mouthed.

Edward smiled sadly. "I wish I could stay but I can't. Alice and I will get your homework for you."

Bottom lip out in full pout mode, she stared at Edward before she grabbed for the notepad and pen they'd used to talk the night before.

_Thanks, I guess. I don't want to be alone today._

"Esme will be around. Why not spend some time up at the main house with her. That way you won't be alone and she won't worry so much about you."

_Okay, that works. Are you sure she's the only one who'll be worrying about me?_

He laughed. "No, she won't. You know me too well. It's all part of my plan to keep tabs on you. Oh crap, I have to go. Be good, be safe, rest well, and keep your phone nearby because I'll be texting often. I love you."

_I love you too Edward. Please say hi to Angela for me._

He kissed her one last time and left. Suddenly she felt very uneasy. Afraid she'd get sick, she quickly got dressed, packed a few things, including her favourite blanket that smelled very much like Edward, and walked up to the main house.

Esme was puttering around in the kitchen. Bella tapped her on the shoulder and startled her slightly. "Oh sweetheart, you surprised me! I didn't think you'd come up right away. I was going to bring down breakfast. So, how are you feeling today?"

Bella pulled out the notepad and began writing. While she did that Esme returned to the blender and continued making a smoothie.

_My throat is sore. I can't make the slightest sound at all. I'm still kind of tired and I'm lonely. Can I stay up here with you? I promise I'll stay out of your way._

"I'm thrilled you want to spend the day up here with me, and sweetheart, you'll never be in my way. Now come, see if you can handle drinking a smoothie."

Esme set her up on the big sectional couch, nestled in the corner with pillows, her blanket, her smoothie, some Jello cups, and lots of juice and bottled water. She popped in some DVDs and left Bella to rest.

The smoothie, while it was delicious, was just too thick to swallow, so she drank some juice and ate the cherry Jello, which actually felt good when she swallowed it.

Edward texted her between classes to tell her he loved her and missed her; Alice sent photo messages about the day's fashion victims, and Emmett sent one too, which was a big deal because although he was big on technology, he never mastered the fine art of texting. It read: Hop U R OK. Heart U.

Exhaustion got the best of her and she drifted off into dreamland. At first, it was great; she and Edward were back at the edge of the world laughing, then James was there. He tied Edward up and made him watch as he raped Bella, then he slowly killed Edward as Bella screamed in silent horror.

Someone was holding her when she woke up. It was Esme. "It's okay sweetheart, you're safe."

Bella started to cry and made no sound. She looked to Esme and mouthed "Edward." Within seconds Esme had him on the phone. Bella could hear him freaking out on the other end of the line, asking his mother if Bella was okay. She explained what happened and put the phone to the crying girl's ear.

"Bella, I know you can't talk right now, so don't try. Press the #1 once for yes, twice for no, okay?"

#1

"Are you okay?"

#1 #1 #1

"Does that mean you don't know?"

#1

"Do you want me to come home?"

#1 #1 #1

"Do you want me to hum for you?"

#1

"Okay, I have to go back to class in a minute, so I'll hum quickly. Do you have your iPod?"

#1

"When I'm gone, put it on."

#1

Edward hummed quietly to her for a couple of minutes. "Are you feeling better, love?"

#1

"I'll be home soon. I love you."

#1

Edward hung up and Bella fished around for her iPod. She put her song on repeat and curled up with Esme until she fell asleep crying.

This time her dreams were free from James. In fact, they were so benign she couldn't remember them. When she woke up, Esme had been replaced by Edward. She hugged him tightly and sighed silently.

"Feeling better?"

She nodded.

"Esme said you haven't had much to eat or drink. Could you handle some juice?"

She nodded. He passed her some room temperature orange juice, which she sipped at while making a face.

"Too warm?"

She shook her head no, then grabbed the notepad. _Too acidic. Got milk?_

He laughed. "Hang on, let me grab some. Chocolate or white?"

_Do you have to ask?_

With another laugh, Edward got up and went to the kitchen. Emmett came in the front door, smiling when he saw her. "Hey Belly. Feeling any better?"

She shrugged.

"Everything okay?" He sat beside her. She crawled up onto his lap the way she used to and hugged him. He hugged her back and rocked her gently. "What do we do Belly? How do I make this better for you? How do I fix my mistakes?"

Ugh, now was so not the time to be mute. She longed to tell Em that things were getting better, it just had to get worse first. She pulled out of the hug and started writing.

_Em, things __are__ getting better, believe it or not. Even though I look and feel like shit right now, I do feel better. I got rid of a big chunk of James poison yesterday. There's a lot more to work through, but it's a start. If getting better means I lose my voice for a while, I can live with it. __You__ need to stop with this guilt business. __Please__ go talk to Victoria or someone. Please. I love you too much to watch you suffer._

Emmett read her reply slowly. She hoped it made sense. He blinked a couple of times, then said the three words Bella needed to hear: "Okay, I'll go."

She hugged him so hard she thought she might pop his head off his shoulders. He laughed at her.

Edward chose this moment to come back. He had been watching from the hallway, not wanting to intrude on this private brother-sister moment. "Hey Em, how was football practice?"

"Oh, hey Edward. Not bad. We have a game on Saturday. Will you guys come?"

Bella nodded vigorously. She loved watching her brother play ball. He was always so happy on the field.

"Here's your chocolate milk, love. Em, do you want me to grab some for you?"

"Nah," he looked at Bella and winked. "I have a phone call to make."


	13. Ch 13 Outbursts and Benefits

_**If it weren't for the wonderful creation of our favourite pixie-like Cullen by Stephenie Meyer, Bella might not have had anyone stand up for her in this chapter. **_

_**Go Team Alice!**_

**_I'd also like to thank my regular reviewers for sticking with me through this and to welcome the newest two, _Hanzt21_ and _jkcmama0301_. Thanks for the reviews!_**

Bella, the voiceless wonder went back to school on Thursday, still very much mute, and relying heavily on a notepad to communicate. Carlisle said it could take a couple of weeks for her voice to come back, but as a precaution he made an appointment with a colleague of his, Dr. Felix, an ear, nose and throat specialist.

The kids at school were acting strange around Bella, well, stranger than usual. As she walked down the hallways she heard them whispering about her, and she caught their curious stares when she had to communicate with her teachers through writing.

She was finishing up in the washroom when she overheard Jessica and Lauren talking about her. "I heard she killed her parents," one of them said. "Well, I heard she was a sex slave and that her brother was pimping her out."

Fury built up in her like never before. She wanted to throw open the door to the stall and start screaming at them but she couldn't. Stupid voice.

The sound of another door slamming open made her jump. "You two sluts had better shut the hell up about my sister!"

Alice to the rescue. The pixie was yelling at them in her defense. "You don't know a damn thing about Bella and I swear to fack that if I EVER hear another word about her pass through your Chlamydia infested mouths you'll have a world of hurt waiting for you."

"What are you going to do, shrimp girl?"

"You might want to think long and hard about that question, Lauren. While you do, I'll just go grab Rosalie, Edward, Jasper, and Emmett and see what they have to say about it. Rosalie will be especially interested in the shit rumours you're spreading about her boyfriend and his little sister.

"So, before you tired old wind bags think about spreading any more vicious and malicious untruths about my fucking sister, you'd better decide that it's worth it. Not to mention you owe her an apology. No," she paused, "Better yet, NEVER speak to her again."

Bella smiled as she heard the two gossipmongers make a hasty retreat. She opened the door to her stall and hugged Alice.

"Oh Bella, you heard all of that? I'm so sorry. I just couldn't let them trash you like that."

Bella fumbled for her notepad. _Sister?_

Alice blushed. "Sorry, I've always wanted one."

_I like the sound of it._

"Really?" Alice threw her arms around Bella.

_Thanks Alice. I don't think anyone has ever defended me like that before._

"Any time, sister mine." She smiled as they walked to class, arm-in-arm.

Of course, everyone was appalled when they heard what had transpired in the bathroom. Rosalie was ready to tear their hair out, one strand at a time. Edward was seething-he had never been so close to hitting a woman as he was at that moment. Bella, sensing his anger, kissed him deeply. Within seconds, the fury that had consumed him was replaced with a serious case of lust and tightness in his pants, just as Bella had hoped.

Jasper tried to cheer up Emmett, who was despondent. He stood up suddenly, slammed his chair into the table, and ran out of the cafeteria. Rose went to follow, but Bella indicated that she should be the one to go to him.

Emmett's passion was football so it was only logical that she would find him down on the field. He was pacing back and forth cursing. Bella approached him carefully. She wrote something on the notepad and showed him. _Emmett, it's not worth it._

"LIKE HELL, BELLA! How can they think I'm going to sit back and let them drag you down like that?"

She wrote quickly. _I will admit I was upset at first but Alice made me realize something. The only people that matter to me are the ones who know the truth and still love me. They don't listen to the rumours. They only people I care about don't care about Jessica and Lauren, they love __me__. I don't care what anyone else says Emmett, and neither should you._

"They think I was a fucking pimp! That I whored you out to him. It hurts Belly. It fucking kills me."

_Why does it matter?_

He walked away from her. He couldn't look at her. "Why? Because sometimes it feels like they're right. I left you alone with him over and over again. I might as well have been paying him to do it. 'Here's my vulnerable baby sister, you sick fuck, why don't you fuck her like she's a piece of meat?' I HANDED YOU TO HIM!" He fell to his knees. Bella ran to him and hugged him tight. "I wish I was dead Belly. It hurts so much."

She slapped him across the head and gave him the look of death.

"You!" she screamed. Well, it came out as a throaty whistle. "You need to suck it up big brother. I DON'T BLAME YOU! Stop being an emo bitch. He didn't rape you, he raped me. I'm still alive Emmett. Don't you EVER talk about dying around me. You're all I have left!"

Bella coughed a couple of times. She shouldn't have done that, but she was so frustrated with her brother that she had no alternative. Emmett hugged her and cried.

Rosalie, Edward, Jasper, and Alice all came out on to the field. They all had their bags, including Bella and Emmett's. Jasper spoke first. "Guys, let's go home. We've cleared it with the teachers and Em, I talked to coach. He said it was okay for you take off, but you're working twice as hard tomorrow."

Rosalie switched spots with Bella so she could comfort Emmett. Edward wrapped his arms around her when she stood up. She coughed again and leaned into him, exhausted.

"Come on, love, let's go home. You're shivering." He released her to help put her sweater on. When he looked at her, his eyes grew huge. He ran his finger over the corner of her mouth and held it up. It was bloody. "Bella?"

Her eyes popped. She thought for a second and motioned for Edward to keep it quiet. There was no need to upset Emmett any further. Edward told the rest of them that they would meet them at home a little later; there was something they needed to do in town.

He passed her a tissue as he led her to the parking lot. She cleaned her mouth and saw more blood. Crap. This couldn't be good.

Once they reached the car, Edward passed her a bottle of water. She rinsed her mouth and spit on the ground. Blood. Not a big fan of the stuff, Bella started to feel a little woozy. She sat back in the passenger seat of the Volvo and closed her eyes. Edward was on the phone with his father.

"Love? Are you okay?"

She opened her eyes and smiled.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded.

"Carlisle wants us to meet him at the hospital. He wants you to see Dr. Felix right away."

After a stern lecture about yelling and an examination with the scope, Dr. Felix informed Bella that she'd damaged a vocal cord and burst a blood vessel or two. Under no circumstances was she to speak for the next two weeks, nor was she to eat anything hard.

Carlisle lectured her again about listening to doctor's orders. Bella wrote him a note: _I would do it again in a heartbeat. I'm losing Emmett. I needed him to listen to me._

He hugged her. "I know, dear, but you need to take care of yourself too. Now you two go home and I'll see you there later."

It was a somber group back at the Cullens' house. Emmett and Rosalie were talking quietly on the deck, Jasper and Alice stared blankly at the TV and Esme was ready to jump out of her skin when they arrived.

"Carlisle called and told me what happened. Are you..."

Bella gave her a thumbs up.

"I have been so worried."

Edward spoke for Bella. "She was in good hands. She should be fine. She's just got to promise not to speak, or yell, for the next couple of weeks, right love?"

Bella nodded.

"Thank God. Come kids; let me get you a drink, or some Jello or something. You must be famished."

For two very long weeks Bella remained perfectly silent. It was hard. She was terribly frustrated that she had to write everything out, especially in therapy, although since switching to a whiteboard it seemed to be a lot better. However, expressing anger or profound sadness on a whiteboard was hard. Very hard.

Unfortunately, whether she spoke the words aloud or wrote them down, she still suffered during her sessions. She still threw up, although not as violently. Edward became more and more concerned that she'd done irreparable damage to her vocal cords and that he'd never hear her voice again.

One thing that Bella enjoyed were the quiet moments spent with Edward. Hours were spent laying in her bed and staring at each other, memorizing each line, dimple, freckle, and scar. They began to touch each other in a loving and an exploratory way. The first time Edward accidentally brushed his hand along the side of her breast, she froze. Then he froze. Once the moment of fear passed, she asked him to do it again.

"I love you," he said as he slowly dragged his hand up her side. "I promise I won't hurt you."

Bella sucked in a breath. She tried to banish the vision of James touching her from her mind.

Edward asked if she was okay. She shook her head and exhaled raggedly. She had to get past this. This wasn't the cruel and brutal touch of her abuser, it was her lover, her best friend. He was looking at her nervously and it was upsetting to see. She inhaled deeply, took his hand in hers, and guided his hand over her breast. At least she was in control. If it started to feel wrong, she had the power to stop it. She closed her eyes.

Edward felt her relax a little as she guided him over the cotton of her t-shirt. He gasped when he felt her taut nipple under his palm. "Glorious," he whispered. "So, is this better for you?"

Bella's eyes fluttered open as she smiled. Edward leaned in and kissed her as she continued to rub his hand against her. She moaned breathily into his mouth. This felt right, she thought. This felt good.

Edward pulled away from her and smiled. "This is a wonderful gift Bella. Thank you for trusting me. While you may be the death of me, the ball will always be in your court."

Bella mouthed, "Thank you" and "I love you" to him. She wished she could give him more, but she knew she'd reached her limit for now.

Poor Edward shifted uncomfortably. Bella looked down and winced when she saw the erection she'd caused. She wrote him a message. _I'm so sorry. Does it hurt?_

He laughed. "No, it doesn't hurt, yet, but it's not very comfortable."

_Do you need to 'take care of it'?_

"What kind of gentleman would I be if I disappeared into your bathroom to jerk off in your shower?"

_I'm really sorry, Edward. I wish things could be different._

"Don't say that Bella. It's not your fault and I don't want you to do anything that you're not totally comfortable with. I love you as you are and if I have to be uncomfortable for a while, I can live with it."

_I don't deserve you._

He kissed her deeply. She tangled her hands in his messy hair and pulled him closer. When his erection brushed against her leg, she froze.

"Sorry, love. Maybe I should go take care of it before bed."

_Maybe you should. Maybe someday I can take care of it for you without being so scared. I love you._

"As I love you. I'm going to take a shower. Please don't think about what I'll be doing. I'm embarrassed."

_Trust me, I won't. I'm going to work on my math homework. There's nothing remotely sexy about quadratic equations._

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	14. Ch 14 Frustration and Bravery

_**Yup, SM still owns it all. All I own is a kick-ass book collection and a ukulele.**_

_**Hi and thank you to my newest reviewer, **_**Navygirl14**_**.**_

_**For those wondering about Emmett going to therapy, in this chapter we get a chance to be a fly on the wall for a session with Victoria. Poor guy. I hate that he's so torn up about Bella.**_

_**This chapter is also a little lemony. Prepare to pucker up. ;)  
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Dr. Felix shook his head. "Bella, I wish I had better news, but your vocal cords don't seem to be healing as quickly as I had hoped. Can you remain quiet for another couple of weeks?"

Bella sighed sadly at the news. Carlisle spoke up. "I am pretty sure that the vomiting is making things worse."

"It certainly isn't helping. Do you know what triggers it? Has she been to see the gastroenterologist?"

"We know what it is. We'll have to work harder at avoiding the triggers. Come on Bella, let's get you back to school. I'm sure Edward is worried."

She waved to Dr. Felix. Frustrated didn't even begin to describe how she was feeling. She wrote a note to Carlisle once they were in the car. _Do I have to stop therapy?_

He nodded. "Bella, if you continue to vomit, there's a chance you'll never speak again. Can we give your body a break for a couple of weeks? I'll talk to Victoria for you. Maybe Emmett can take your sessions while you're on hiatus."

Bella stared out the window sadly.

"Dear, are you okay?"

_Frustrated. Annoyed. Angry. I was making good progress. I haven't been puking as much in therapy. I'm scared that if I stop talking about it I won't be able to start again or I'll get sucked back into the fear._

Carlisle pulled over to read her note. "I understand your concerns, but we can't chance your health. Maybe we can find other ways for you to express yourself. What about art therapy?" He put his hand on her shoulder. "Look, don't worry about it now. I'll make some calls. We'll get you through this."

He pulled back on the road and dropped her off at the school a few minutes later. Edward was pacing back and forth by the stairs. Carlisle explained to Edward what Dr. Felix had said, then headed back to the hospital.

Bella wrote quickly on the whiteboard. _Before you ask, I'm okay._

"How did you know?" He kissed the top of her head.

She stopped to write her answer. _Because the first thing ANYONE ever asks me is if I'm okay. I'm tired of people always asking that. People need to trust me to tell them when I'm not okay._

"Sorry, we're just concerned, that's all."

_I know, and I love you for it, but can you imagine being asked the same fucking question a million times a day?_

He looked sad as he walked away from her. Bella realized she'd hurt him. Her frustration was taking a toll on the one person she needed.

Before he could get too far away, she ran and tackled him. They went sprawling on the damp lawn. She turned him over, wiped some grass from his cheek and kissed him. When she pulled away, she mouthed the words 'I'm sorry.'

He didn't say anything. She grabbed the whiteboard and began writing. _Edward, I'm really sorry I've been such a bitch to you. I'm frustrated and I shouldn't be taking it out on you. Please, please forgive me. I love you. Please don't leave me._

Silence. Bella was terrified that she'd really done it, that she'd finally driven him away, that he'd seen that she was just too fucked up for him.

Finally he spoke. "Bella, love, I'm sure as hell not going to leave you over something as minor as this. I understand you're frustrated, so am I. You have no idea just how frustrated I am. I am in love with the most incredible girl in the world. Sure, she's got issues, some very big ones, but I'm okay with that, I have issues too. I'm frustrated that she's always down on herself, that she can't see herself the way that I do. I'm frustrated that I can't hear her voice. I miss it terribly. I'm sad that she doesn't think she deserves me. I am the one who doesn't deserve her. She is the best thing to ever happen to me. I wish she could see that."

Bella began to cry. She rested her head on Edward's chest and sobbed silently.

"Ahem. Mr. Cullen, Ms. Swan, might I suggest you get up off the damp ground and go to class?"

"Sorry, Mr. Banner, sir." Edward said as he sat them up.

Noting Bella's tear-streaked face, Mr. Banner asked: "Ms. Swan, do you need to see the nurse?"

She nodded no.

"Then I suggest you go to class."

"Yes, sir."

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Emmett took on Bella's therapy sessions while she was trying to avoid triggering any vomiting.

"So, Emmett, are you going to talk to me this time or are we going to sit in quasi-uncomfortable silence?" Victoria smiled at him.

Em shifted in his seat. "I don't know."

"Take your time. I'm not going to..."

"I hate myself."

Victoria's head snapped up. She hadn't expected him to break so quickly. "Well, that's a start. Want to tell me why?"

"I'm sure you know why. Are you really going to make me say it? Out loud?"

"Yes."

"Man, you really are a tough bi..."

"Were you just about to call me a bitch?"

"No, I was going to say BIRD. I don't like calling women bitches. It's rude. Besides, I don't know you well enough to pass that kind of judgment."

"You're stalling, Emmett."

"I thought you said I could take my time," he said as he grinned evilly at her.

Victoria laughed. "Bella was right. You are a handful. So, okay then, take your time..."

"I failed her. I failed them. I'm a failure."

"Okay."

He continued. "I failed Mom and Dad because I didn't protect Bella. I thought I could handle raising her on my own. She's a good kid. I didn't think there'd be any trouble. I failed her because I couldn't keep her safe in her own goddamn house from my own best friend. I put her in danger every time I left them together. I trusted him to look after her and he fucking raped her!

"I hate that I was too blind to see what was happening. I just figured she was still messed up over Mom and Dad dying.

"It kills me that she believed his lies. How could she ever believe that I would leave her? I thought she knew how much I loved her. She's all I have left!"

Emmett broke down and sobbed. Victoria put her hand on his arm to comfort him. "Bella is good at hiding things Emmett and I don't know if she ever doubted your love, James just caught her at her most vulnerable time; she was an easy target."

"My baby sister is broken and it's all my fault. Do you know how hard it's been to live with that thought constantly running through my head?"

"No, but it's a burden you shouldn't have to carry. You need to find a way to let go of the guilt."

He sighed. "I don't think I can. I feel it every time I look at her. How fucked up is that?

"To make matters worse, I'm being scouted by a bunch of different universities and that freaks me out too because I can't leave Bella behind. What if James finds her again? What if someone else tries to hurt her?"

Victoria chuckled. "That's fantastic news Emmett. I don't think you have to worry though, I doubt that Edward will let her out of his sight long enough for anything to happen."

"Yeah, whatever. I thought that I could protect her too and look at what happened. Edward's a great kid, but I worry that he won't be enough for her.

"Did she tell you that she overheard some of the bitches at school saying she was a sex slave and calling me a pimp? That's absurd!"

"I thought you didn't like to call women bitches?"

"I know these two and trust me, they are bitches. I feel no remorse in using that word to describe them. I could think of a dozen more words to use too."

"Gotcha. So Emmett, what do we do? What do you want?"

Emmett stood up and paced. "It's not about what I want anymore. I gave up any right to that when I let her down. It's all about Bella and keeping her happy and safe."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Are you sure you don't deserve any happiness?"

"Yes."

"You're wrong. Emmett, can you please sit down and look at me?"

He sat back down. "Do I make you nervous?"

"Not in the least. You were making me dizzy with your pacing back and forth. Look, I know you feel responsible for what happened but it's not your fault. You need to stop punishing yourself. You have a right to be happy. You have a right to have your own life.

"Bella's in good hands with the Cullens. I don't think you need to worry."

Emmett was quiet for a minute and sighed heavily. "It hurts."

"What hurts?"

"My heart. It hurts really bad. Sometimes I can't handle it. I think that's why I'm doing so good in football this season. I can take it out on the tackling dummies and the other team. I really don't know how to deal with it otherwise.

"I need help Victoria. I'm full of pain and anger and hate and I don't know how to deal with it. Sometimes I yell, most times I cry. I cry every fucking night. Big guys aren't supposed to cry."

"Big guys have big hearts and big hurts. Crying isn't a bad thing Emmett. It's good to get it out. Much like Bella's vomiting, your tears are helping you purge some of that hurt.

"You and I have a lot of work to do, big guy, if you're up for it. If we can get you back on track it'll reduce some of the burden that Bella is carrying around."

"I'll do it for Bella," he said with resolve.

Victoria smiled warmly at him. "It's better if you can do it for yourself first."

* * *

Carlisle brought in an art therapy specialist to work with Bella. She provided her with an endless supply of canvas, paint, charcoal, pastels, clay...name it, she had it. Edward set her up in the music room so she could listen to him play while she worked through her emotions. She journalled about what she was feeling when she painted each piece. She worked through some things she hadn't wanted to speak about and didn't vomit once, not that she didn't have the urge to on several occasions. Maybe art therapy was what she needed all along?

Her brother was less stressed since he began seeing Victoria. He wasn't acting as guilty and he wasn't crying as much. He seemed to be returning to his 'big brother bear' demeanor; the joking, the teasing and his trademark big belly laughs. Oh, how Bella had missed those.

Since football season was in full swing, the family traveled to all of Emmett's games. It became one of Bella's favourite family traditions. Each weekend they would get all bundled up, pack coolers full of goodies and were always the loudest and most obnoxious people in the stands, well, minus Bella, who was still under a gag order.

Emmett was MVP most games and there were very loud rumblings about college scouts fighting over him. Bella was so happy for her brother. He had given up so much for her, had been through so much that it was about time something good happened to him.

The day of Bella's next consultation with Dr. Felix approached, although not nearly as quickly as Bella wanted. Edward and Carlisle accompanied her and held her hands as the scope passed down her throat to examine her vocal cords. Dr. Felix smiled. "Bella, it's looking so much better! Look at the screen."

They all looked over at the flat panel monitor and it was easy to see that what had once looked red, sore, and inflamed was now looking pinker and much healthier.

"I'm not going to say that you're back to 100%, because you're not, and I don't want you overdoing it, but I think you can try to say something." He pulled out the scope while Edward passed her a glass of water to rinse the bitter numbing spray from her mouth.

"Okay Bella, why don't you try to say something out loud? Don't be disappointed if nothing happens—it's been a while since you've exercised your voice box."

She turned to Edward and opened her mouth. She tried to say 'I love you' but nothing came out. Tears pooled in her brown eyes and she looked away, ashamed.

"It's okay, love. It might take some time. We'll work on it together."

Dr. Felix spoke up. "Dear, it might take a few days. If you've still not vocalized anything by this time next week, please come back to see me. In the meantime, keep your throat wet and don't overdo it."

"Okay," she tried to say.

"Hang in there Bella."

Bella was still feeling down about her muteness that night when she and Edward were getting into bed.

"Are you still moping?"

She nodded as she curled up beside him.

"What can I do to make you smile?"

Grinning evilly, she took his hand in hers and placed it on her breast. He exhaled sharply.

"No advanced warning, eh?" He said as he gave her that heart-stopping crooked smile of his.

She shook her head. He smiled as she slowly led his hand over her chest. He groaned quietly every time he grazed one of her taut nipples with his hand.

Bella surprised him again when she lifted her shirt and allowed him access to her bare skin.

"Perfection," he said as he committed her milky white breasts to memory. "Absolutely perfect."

Feeling even braver, Bella removed her hand from his and allowed him to roam freely. She closed her eyes and sighed happily. No James. All Edward. Another hurdle scaled. Score one for Team Bella.

"Love, is this okay?" He asked as he rolled her right nipple between his fingers.

Her head arched back. It felt wonderful. She nodded vigorously.

"Can I try something?" he asked huskily.

She quirked an eyebrow at him. He slowly lowered his mouth to take her nipple between his lips.

Fire exploded in her, sending heat waves into her groin. Her breath hitched as she fisted her hands in his hair.

"Edward," she moaned roughly. "Don't stop."

He stopped.

He lifted his head and stared at her. "What did you say?"

"I said don't stop and you stopped...wait, I can talk!" she said quietly. It was no more than a whisper and it was raspy, but still, she spoke. Out loud.

"Oh Bella, you did it!" He kissed her.

She pulled him back and said: "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Okay, now that we've established that I can whisper, can you please go back to the regularly scheduled foreplay?"

He laughed and returned to suckling her nipples and trailing his hands along the scars that had once bothered her so much. He loved her. All of her. Scars, damaged reproductive organs, broken spirit, magnificent breasts, beautiful eyes and a smile he'd kill to see more often. Someday she'd trust him enough for him to show her physically just how much he loves her. Until then he'd take whatever she could offer and be more than happy with it.


	15. Ch 15 Prince Charming

_**Stephenie Meyer still rules the Twilight kingdom. We are but her minions.**_

_**Since I'm giddy and totally blown away at the number of people who have checked out my little story (Hi y'all!) I am going to post another chapter tonight, but that's it. One of my favourites will be coming up tomorrow. If I keep posting the chapters so fast I'm liable to run out before the sequel is finished. I've been working on it tonight. Hopefully I'll have something done in the next couple of weeks. Depends on how much it rains...it rains, I write; sun shines, I go biking.  
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_**Glad to see that people are rooting for poor Emmett to get his head on straight and that you're happy that Bella is starting to make some headway. It can't rain all the time, and Bella's poor stomach needs a break from the puking.  


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If there was a normal, Bella thought she may have found it. While her voice still hadn't returned to its full volume, she was happy with the limited bit she'd regained. School was humming along; she was on the honour role for the first time ever. Edward had managed to teach her how to do math and understand it instead of regurgitating it. His French tutoring was nothing short of miraculous. Bella was conjugating verbs as well as any of her classmates who'd taken French for years.

Much to her chagrin, she was forced very unwillingly to resume PE. Carlisle couldn't come up with any logical reason for her not to take it. Her broken facial bones had healed nicely.

Edward walked her to the locker room on her fist day and gave her a reassuring squeeze. "Angela's in your class and so's Jasper, so you won't be totally alone."

"Fine," she said as she nervously chewed on her bottom lip. "Guess I had better get 'er done."

"That's the spirit. Knock 'em dead love."

"Easy for you to say," she mumbled as she entered the locker room.

She decided to change in a toilet stall. While she was better at dealing with family seeing the scars, she knew it would be fuel for gossip bonfires if Jessica or Lauren caught wind of them. Angela volunteered to watch for them.

Surprisingly, Bella survived her first PE class unscathed. Edward met her after class and gave her a big kiss. She could hear Jessica and Lauren whispering and she didn't care. Edward was hers and no one was going to take him from her. They could stew in their rank jealously forever, as far as she was concerned.

Since her voice was sort of back, she resumed her sessions with Victoria, however she was only seeing her twice a week; once together with Edward and once by herself. She felt more comfortable discussing some things without him there. She wasn't vomiting anymore during her sessions. For the first time in a long time she was starting to feel more in control and it felt good.

Bella was in one of her solo sessions one day when Victoria brought up her relationship with Edward.

"So, not to make you feel uncomfortable or anything but do you want to discuss your physical relationship with Prince Charming?"

Bella laughed at Victoria's pet name for Edward. "Sure, I thought about mentioning it before."

"I'm not saying that I condone sixteen year-olds having sex, but it's an inevitability in this day and age. So, how far have you two gone?"

"Nothing like jumping in head first. Geez, Victoria, a little warning perhaps?" She laughed. "Well, we've gone by first and we're hanging between second and third."

"Care to elaborate?"

Bella sighed. "Okay, it started with kissing, which is great because Edward is very talented in that area. Kissing was easy because James never kissed me, I don't freak out when Edward does it. It's never been an issue.

"Then one night his hand brushed against my breast and I froze. It felt good for a second, but then I had a flashback. James was always very rough when it came to my tits. He would pinch them, twist them, bite them," she shuddered.

"I really felt bad for Edward. He's put up with so much, he's suffered some unfortunate hard-ons because of me, so I thought if I take control, if I guided his hand, then if it felt wrong then I could stop it when I needed to.

"So I kept telling myself that it was Edward, not James, and you know what? It was AWESOME! Unfortunately, Edward had a raging boner and it touched me-through his pants, of course, he wasn't naked, and I still freaked out. I felt bad for him so I told him to go take care of his problem. He was embarrassed, but I didn't want him to suffer, so I did math homework while he 'showered.'" Bella used air quotes for the last word.

"Has all of your contact been over-the-shirt?"

Bella blushed. "Uh, no. A couple of weeks ago we were doing the over-the-shirt groping when I decided I was comfortable enough to try it on bare skin.

"I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head. He kept asking if I was sure, so I grabbed his hand and put it on my breast, and I thought for sure the poor guy was going to blow his load right then and there."

"How were you feeling?"

"Fantastic! But then it gets better. He asked if he could try something and he started to kiss my breasts, then my nipples. It was heavenly. I have never felt so hot in my life. Totally caught up in the moment, I told him not to stop. So he stopped."

"Why?"

Bella laughed. "Because they were the first audible words I had been able to speak in a month. Once we got over the shock I told him to get back to what he was doing."

Victoria laughed. "You are progressing better than I thought you would be. A lot of rape victims find intimacy to be one of the hardest things to resume. I'm thrilled that you figured out that by you taking control of the situation you can get past the abuse, the memories. That's the harsh part being abused, the feeling of being vulnerable and out of control. Your willingness to experiment with your boundaries will free you. You're also lucky to have Prince Charming, who is the most patient horny teenage boy I've met. If he can continue to be patient and allow you to run the show, you may get past the flashbacks and develop a normal attitude toward complete intimacy.

"Now, as a healthcare professional I needn't remind you to 'play safe' even if doctors aren't sure you'll be able to conceive. You don't want to take any chances.

"On another note, how have the nightmares been?"

Bella nervously chewed on a nail. "Edward says they're not as frequent, but they seem to be more intense."

"Want to talk about them?"

Bella looked at the clock. "Isn't this usually the point in our session when you say that our time is up?"

"Normally I would, but my next appointment cancelled. If you'd like to continue, my time is all yours. No charge."

"Really? Thanks Victoria. Yeah, I guess I would like to talk about the nightmares. They mostly involve James finding me and Edward out at our spot on the EOTW..."

"EOTW?"

"Sorry, Edge of the World. Our spot out on the cliffs."

"Gotcha, please continue."

"Well, James finds us. He knocks out Edward because of course Prince Charming is fighting for his damaged damsel in distress. While Edward is unconscious, he ties him up. He's already got me bound and gagged and I'm watching it helplessly.

"As soon as Edward is conscious, James gets to work. He strips me down and rapes me while Edward watches in horror. I'm trying to scream but nothing comes out. Edward is screaming that he still loves me, no matter what.

"When James finishes he moves over to Edward, pulls him to his feet and before I can react he throws him over the edge, or I end up watching him gut him."

Victoria was writing notes while Bella spoke. She read them over before speaking. "It's simple. Your fear of James, what he did to you and your fear of losing Edward either physically or emotionally is manifesting in your dreams.

"You are still giving James too much power over you and you are still struggling with the idea that Edward loves you. You're still so sure that you're unlovable that it's permeating your dreams. We need to work on some hardcore Bella love. You need to love yourself. You hear what Edward, Emmett and the others all say but you need to feel it yourself."

"Man, you're asking an awful lot."

The door opened a crack after someone knocked softly. Edward peered in. "Is Bella still...oh, there you are love. I was getting worried."

"Sorry Edward, Victoria and I were just gabbing away like a couple of girls."

"Want to join us?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"We were just talking about Bella's dreams."

He was quiet for a moment. "Yeah, those. They aren't as often but they seem more intense. It takes longer to calm her down and she's more violent. What kills me is the sobbing. It sounds like her heart is shattering."

Bella blinked back a tear. "That's because it is."

"You always said you never remembered them."

"I didn't want to hurt you."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. "Haven't you figured out that hiding things only upsets me more?"

"I'm sorry," she looked down at the floor.

"Just trust enough that I can handle it. Don't be afraid to tell me anything. You can't control your dreams."

"He kills you."

"Who does? James?"

She nodded sadly, her shoulders sagging. "Sometimes he throws you off the EOTW, other times he does it slowly and painfully. This is all after he makes you watch."

"Watch? Oh...I get it. Bella, love, please don't blame yourself. It's nothing to worry about. We're both safe. He won't hurt you again." Edward pulled her into a hug and they were silent for a moment.

Victoria cleared her throat. "Bella, there's something I'd like to ask. There's a fundraiser coming up for a local women's shelter and there's going to be an art auction. I would love to include some of your work."

Stunned, Bella blushed, then replied "Why me?"

"Why you? Because the work you did in art therapy is stunning. All the proceeds go to helping other women who've survived sexual abuse. I thought maybe you'd be interested. If your work is too personal..."

"No," Bella replied, shocked. "I'd love to; it's just that I didn't think it was very good."

"I'm no art critic, but I think they're brilliant, in fact, there are a couple of pieces I'd like to buy for my office, if you'd sell them."

"Uh, well, I don't think I could sell them to you. You could have them as a thank you."

Victoria hugged her. "Thanks Bella. I'll let you decide which pieces you can part with, get you to photograph them and I'll show them to the committee in chard. They're going to be thrilled. No to mention you'll be helping so many women by selling your therapy. Everyone wins."

"I suppose you're right. Who knew?"

Edward smiled. "I knew."

Bella rolled her eyes. "You have to say that, Prince Charming."

"Ugh, you two are making me ill. Get out before I take over Bella's garbage can." Victoria laughed as she kicked them out. "Bella, if you could e-mail the photos by tomorrow night that would be great."

"Okay, will do. See you next week."

"Remember to love yourself Bella."

Yeah, yeah, Bella thought to herself.

Once in the car, Edward started asking her which pieces she would be submitting. She wasn't sure. She hated to part with them, they were such a big part of her, but perhaps letting them go would afford her more freedom.

As the trees whizzed by, Bella grabbed Edward's hand. "You know I love you, right?"

He lifted her hand and kissed it. "Yes, love, I do. You know that I love you too, right?"

"Yes, but I don't understand why."

Edward abruptly pulled over to the side of the road. "Get out of the car," he ordered.

Bella was scared. Was he just going to leave her on the side of the road? Was he mad?

"Out of the car, please."

She shook as she opened the door. She was terrified.

"Are you shaking Bella? Are you afraid of me?"

"I don't understand why we are standing on the side of the road."

He approached her slowly, afraid he might spook her. "I wanted to pull over because I couldn't do this," he cupped her face gently "without causing an accident." He kissed just to the right of her lips, then to the left. "I love you because you are a good person with a huge heart." He placed his open palm on her chest just about her hammering heart. "I love the feel of your heart beating because I know it beats for me. It speeds up when..." he kissed her gently "I kiss you like this. And when I kiss you like this..." he kissed her passionately, his tongue dancing with hers until they were both breathless "...it races faster than a NASCAR champion."

He kissed along her jaw until he was nipping at her earlobe. She was moaning and he smiled. I love when you moan for me. I love that you make me so hard I think my pants will explode." He slowly ran his hands down her side, lightly grazing the sides of her breasts. Her breath hitched.

"I love that you have no reason to trust another human being and yet you trust me to love you, touch you, and let me be part of your healing.

"I love the look in your eyes in the morning when you wake up—the look that lets me know you love me. I love that you say that I'm yours.

"I love everything about you Bella. The good, the bad, and the James. Why James? Because he's the only ugly thing connected to you and soon he won't be such a big part of us.

"I love that you make me want to live, Bella."

She was crying. Edward wiped away her tears. "I hate that you can't see how truly amazing you are. You aren't ruined Bella, just bruised, and bruises can go away with time."

He kissed her again. He needed her to feel his love, and not just his erection. He needed to convince her with this intimate gesture that he would never love another, that she alone owned title to his heart. He desperately needed to convey that he would keep her safe to the best of his ability.

Her knees gave out and they tumbled to the ground but Edward refused to lose his connection with her. Eventually they pulled apart panting. "Bella, my love, we just fell but did I drop you? No. Why? Because I will never let you go. I love you so much it hurts. Why can't you love yourself as much as I do?"

She thought for a moment then smirked. "If I loved myself as much as you love me, I'd be Lauren!"

"Way to ruin a moment with that wench's name." He flashed that dazzlegasm-inducing crooked smile of his and she was putty in his hands.

"Bella, I will wait until the end of time for you."

"I hope you don't have to wait that long."

He laughed. "Ideally, neither do I, but I will."

"I love you Edward."

"As I love you Bella."

They kissed again before Bella shivered. "Edward, my ass is wet and it's getting dark. Can we go home?"

"Home sounds perfect."

* * *

**_One of my favourite chapters is coming up next. I can't wait to get your reaction to it._**

**_Reviewing is fun. All the cool kids are doing it. :P_**


	16. Ch 16 Adam

**_Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own a bicycle. Think she'd trade?_**

**_Big shout out to my loyal legion of followers. You guys are the best. You make me smile. A big welcome to _sweetlil'cullengirl _and_ Jadesabre75.**

**_I enjoyed writing this chapter. You'll get to meet a new character in this one. I hope you enjoy _Adam_._**

* * *

At dinner that night Carlisle announced that Bella would be taking her driver's test the following Tuesday. "That gives you the weekend to practice and cram. We're all volunteering our time to help; those of us who can drive will handle the road practice while Alice will be helping you with the written, since this will give her a great opportunity to study for when she will take her test in another month or so."

"Thanks! That's really exciting. Kind of scary, but exciting."

Edward spoke next. "Bella has some news, don't you, love?"

She blushed crimson. "No, not really."

"What is it sweetheart?" Esme asked. "You can tell us."

How could she refuse Esme? She couldn't. "Uhm, well, seems there's a charity event for a woman's shelter coming up and Victoria has asked if I would consider donating some of my art therapy pieces for the auction. They won't likely fetch much but if I can help..."

Esme clapped her hands happily. "Bella, dear, that's great news! Your paintings are captivating and I can understand why they would want to use them. Not only are they beautiful and haunting, they were painted by someone who has survived a similar plight as the women the money will be helping. There is a lot of pain in those canvasses, but there is much joy to come from them. They really are inspiring. I'm so proud of you."

"Victoria wanted to buy a couple of them too, for her office. I told her that she could have them for free as a token of my gratitude."

"That was very nice of you dear." Carlisle added.

"It's the least I can do. She's done so much for me."

They continued to eat until Emmett spoke up very matter-of-factly. "So, uh, I had a scout from Yale approach me."

There was a very brief moment of silence. It was so quiet you could have heard a mouse fart in another part of the house. Then all hell broke loose. "WHAT?!" Everyone began yelling at the same time.

"Yeah, who'd have thought big, dumb old Emmett might get to go to an Ivy League school."

Bella got up and threw herself at her brother. "Emmett that's AWESOME! And stop calling yourself dumb. You're on the honour role this year."

"That's because I have good tutors," he nodded toward Edward and kissed Rosalie on the cheek. "Yale sounds fine but I think I should stick closer. Maybe go to Uof W."

Emmett turned to his sister. "I can't bear the thought of being far away from you, Belly. I can't leave you."

She slapped him. "Don't you dare put me before Yale, Em. I'm doing so much better now, plus I'll be here with the Cullens. Please promise that you won't give up such a great opportunity because of me. You've given up so much already."

"We'll take good care of her Emmett. You are both part of this family. We wouldn't dream of letting anything happen," Carlisle said.

Emmett pushed the potatoes around on his plate. "I'd miss her. I'd miss all of you. It's so far. Besides, it hasn't happened yet. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

"So, are you all coming to the big game tomorrow? Regionals. We're going to kick some serious as...butt."

Bella giggled as she returned to her seat. Emmett was trying extra hard to curb his cursing because he knew that it bothered Carlisle and Esme.

Carlisle stood and raised his glass. "To good news, good friends, good family, and a serious ass-kicking at Regionals!"

After everyone recovered from the shock of Carlisle saying 'ass', they all stood, raised their glasses and shouted "CHEERS!"

The Forks High Spartans won the Regionals easily. Emmett was once again named MVP and scouts from Harvard, Duke and Dartmouth approached him. The family celebrated that night by having a big party for the team and their families. There were a lot of people there, loud music, enough food to feed two football teams and Bella was feeling anxious. She still wasn't good in large crowds. She explained to Emmett that she had to go chill out for a bit and she hoped that he wouldn't be upset. He gave her a hug and told her he'd see her later.

Edward and Bella followed the glowing LED solar torches along the path toward Casa Swan. Edward squeezed her hand. "You held on for a long time, love. I'm proud of you."

She exhaled long and deep as she looked up between the towering trees. The sky was clear for a change and it looked like there were a million stars just in the small piece of sky she could see. She stopped and pulled Edward's arms around her. He nuzzled her neck and she sighed.

"What are you thinking?"

Turning to face him, she said: "I'm feeling conflicted."

"Why?"

"I look at the sky and I feel so insignificant, like a tiny speck of dust on a neglected book shelf. When I look at you, I feel like I'm the sun, the centre of the universe. So, what am I? Dust in the wind or the sun?"

"You are the sun in so many universes, Bella. Never forget that. You are not, nor have you ever, nor will you ever be a speck of dust or a clichéd line from a Kansas song."

She smiled before she kissed him. "Thank you," she said in his mouth. She breathed him in and felt her fears melting away. "Come with me, I want to try something."

They entered the cottage and ran up the stairs giggling. Bella pulled him into her room and locked the door. She turned off their phones. "I don't want any interruptions."

She disappeared into the closet and came back out wearing a light blue camisole and boy shorts. She walked toward Edward slowly and pulled his t-shirt over his head. She stared at his chest, tight, lean, muscled in the right places. Her eyes trailed down to his stomach. Not quite a six-pack, but she didn't care. Her hands traced the lines, bumps, veins of his torso slowly. Edward's breathing had increased. Small moans were escaping and it was making her really hot to hear him losing control.

When she reached his hip dents, she followed them down to the waistband of his jeans. She looked to him for permission and he nodded as he bit on his lower lip. She gently undid the button and slowly pulled down the zipper. Her hand brushed up against his straining erection and he hissed.

"Am I doing it wrong?" she asked nervously.

"Ungh, no...you're doing everything perfectly. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"No, but I won't know until I try. Please let me do this at my own pace. If it's uncomfortable or I do something wrong, please tell me."

He smiled lovingly at her and urged her to come meet him for a kiss. "You couldn't do anything wrong Bella."

"Okay, I'm going to pull down your pants. When I do that, I think maybe you should lie down on the bed."

"Whatever you say, love."

Bella hitched her thumbs in his pants and slowly pulled them down. She licked her lips nervously. He certainly was filling out his boxers.

He moved to lie on his back on the bed. "Can I touch you Bella? Just for a minute?"

"Of course, but only how we've done it before, okay?"

"Thank you," he said as his hands reached out for her.

It was hard not to stare at the fine male specimen before her. There was something off about this picture though. Something needed to come off. "Your socks."

Edward quirked an eyebrow at her. "You don't like my socks? They're just regular old Hanes sports socks."

"No, take them off. You look silly laying there in socks, boxers and a raging boner. It's kind of cheesy."

He laughed as he removed his offending socks. He pulled her to him as he lay back down. "How're you doing?"

"Surprisingly well. I just have to remind myself that I'm in control and that you're not him."

"I might be able to help you with that last thing," he kissed her the way only Edward could. "And you are in control. Totally. However, may I make a request?"

"Sure, what?"

He fingered the strap of her camisole. "Can you lose the top? I'm feeling under dressed for the occasion."

She giggled as she removed her top. She tossed it aside and tried to cover herself, suddenly feeling very shy.

Edward shook his head. "No, no. This won't do. Give me a moment." He got up, threw on Bella's robe and left the room, only to return moments later with some candles. "Would you feel less shy if the lighting wasn't so harsh?"

She nodded. Edward lit a dozen candles, returned to his beloved, and gently urged her to lie on his chest. She obliged. They both gasped at the first feel of skin on skin. Edward revelled in the softness of her breasts on his chest, while she was mesmerized by the overall sensation, as his hard chest was both warm and comfortable.

Kissing her deeply, he moaned as he savoured her taste; felt her tongue wrestling with his; and nearly felt his undoing as her hands roamed the planes of his chest. Very slowly, he lowered his hands to cup her bare breasts. They both moaned at the same time.

Bella could feel his erection getting harder, and the junction between her thighs was becoming increasingly wetter by the second. It wasn't scaring her this time. She had the situation under control. She broke the kiss and straddled his midsection. Edward sat up a bit so he could take her nipples into his mouth. Bella arched back and her hand grazed his throbbing girth. He groaned loudly around one of her taut peaks and it nearly undid her.

It was now or never. She moved again so she was lying beside Edward. She pulled him over to face her. She ran her hand, palm open, down his chest until she reached the elastic band of his boxers. His breath hitched and his eyes closed.

"Edward," she whispered. "Please look at me when I do this. I need to see your eyes."

"Of course," His green eyes pierced her and infused her with the confidence she needed. "I love you Bella. I won't hurt you."

"I love you too," she said as she plunged her hand into his underpants and touched the velvety hardness of his endowment. "You're so big," she said quietly. "And it's so soft, like baby's skin. I always imagined it would feel like stone or rough steel. At least that's...Fuck, shut up, Bella."

Edward smiled at her. "It's okay. Talk your way through it if you need to. May I touch your breasts again?"

"Yes," she said as she ran her hand up and down the length of him. So fascinating, it didn't feel as frightening as she thought it might. Her hand brushed over the tip and she gasped. "Oh, Edward, what's that? Did I break it? Are you bleeding?"

He cupped her face in his hand lovingly. "No, love, that's pre-cum. It's a natural lubricant. Can I show you?"

She hesitated. Was she ready to see it? She'd touched it and it didn't hurt. "Let's try."

Edward shimmied out of his boxer shorts. He maintained eye contact with her as he did it. She was looking nervous. "Okay, love, take your time," he suckled on one of her nipples as she steeled herself to look at it. The thing that had caused her so much pain and damage, but that was James. This is Edward. He wouldn't hurt her.

"I'm ready."

Edward released her breast from his mouth so she could sit back and take it all in. Her eyes followed the lines of his torso again, like a road map, until she reached it. "Oh Edward," she said quietly.

"What? Is it that bad?"

"No, it's...it's beautiful. It's not frightening at all. May I touch it again?"

"Love, you never need to ask. Do you see that drop of fluid on the tip?"

Bella ran her finger through it again, inciting a very loud moan from Edward. "This?" she brought her finger to her nose to smell it. Out of curiosity, she decided to taste it.

"Bella," Edward growled. "That is so hot!"

"It doesn't taste bad, a little salty, but it tastes like you."

She wrapped her hand around his erection and began to stroke it. Edward lay back down and arched his back. "Oh God, Bella, that feels...unghh..."

He reached for her and ran his hands over her body. His touch was doing strange things to her. Touching him like this was making her burn. She started rubbing her thighs together to find some relief from the burning in her overheated loins.

"Faster Bella, please."

Without hesitation, she increased the speed of her strokes. He was grunting and swearing as she did it.

"God, Edward, you're so fucking hot," she panted.

He sat up and attacked her lips as she increased the speed again.

"Oh love, I'm going to come."

"Come for me Edward," she said into his mouth.

Suddenly he let out a huge groan and Bella's hand was covered in Edward's hot, sticky, semen.

"Bella, I fucking love you." He said as she lay across his chest. "I wish I could give you an ounce of the pleasure you just gave me."

"Not yet," she said sadly. "As much as I really want that to happen, I don't think I'm ready yet."

They slept like rocks that night. Bella didn't have a single nightmare. Edward was thankful for a full night's sleep because Bella's experiment had sapped all of his energy.

When he woke up, Bella was looking under the duvet.

"What are you doing?" he asked sleepily.

"Looking at it."

"At what?"

"Your thing."

"My 'thing'?"

"Yeah, it needs a name. Penis is too clinical, cock is too vulgar, and man-pole is too strange."

"What about tumescent trouser snake?"

"EW! That's the worse yet? What can we call it? Do you mind if I name it?"

"No, I don't mind. I usually just call him 'little Edward'."

"Yeah, but you're doing it a HUGE disservice. There's nothing small about it. What if we call it..." she paused to think for a moment. "What if we call it Adam?"

"Adam?"

"Yeah, Adam. It's a non-threatening name, not to mention it's the first man-thing I've touched of my own free will."

He thought about it for a moment. "Adam?"

She nodded.

"Adam," he repeated. "Hmm..."

"Wait, Adam's trying to tell us something. Oh, he likes it; he's giving us the thumbs up, or so to speak."

"That's morning wood, Bella."

"Adam has spoken." She wrapped her hand around it and shook it gently. "Hi Adam, I'm Bella. It's nice to meet you. I hope someday I'll stop being totally afraid of you and you'll get a chance to meet Pandora."

"Pandora?"

"Yeah, my box!" she giggled before she kissed Edward and continued to please Adam.

"Uhh, Bella, if you don't lift the comforter, Adam's going to spit up all over it."

"Oh yeah," she lifted the duvet just before Adam spilled all over her hands.

Edward's eyes were droopy as he grabbed a towel from the night table to clean them both up. "Adam and I could get used to this."

"I like Adam. I hope he and I will become good friends."

She crawled up on Edward's chest and sighed as he ran his fingers through her messy hair while he hummed her melody.

* * *


	17. Ch 17 Into Her Hands

**_I own a wicked music collection. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. So not fair._**

**_I am so happy that you guys liked Adam and Pandora. _**

**_This chapter is probably one of the most angst-free so far. It's pretty fluffy._**

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Bella sat in the window seat in her reading room. A fire was crackling and all was well. Edward had gone to the house to shower and help clean up from the party. He assumed it had already been taken care of, but didn't want to ignore his familial duties. Bella had offered to go as well, but he suggested she spend some time reading. They had been spending so much time together that she'd almost forgotten about her little slice of heaven.

She was finding it hard to concentrate. What had transpired the night before was truly monumental. She wanted to tell everyone that she wasn't afraid of Edward's Adam. Strangely enough, she was glad she'd never seen James when he raped her, nor had she ever actually seen his cock. She'd felt it, that's for sure. She thought it was covered in barbed wire for all the damage he'd inflicted on her, but Adam, Adam was pretty. He was tall and proud like Edward. She was fascinated by the way he twitched and moved; by the large vein that ran up his underside. She giggled at his head, it looked out of place, all purple and chubby.

Mmm, Adam. She wanted to play with him some more. Hopefully Edward wouldn't mind. If she kept him happy for a while maybe she could figure out a way for him to reciprocate that wouldn't freak her out. The thought of anything going near Pandora her made her feel queasy. Maybe if she could figure out on her own if anything made Pandora happy then she could show him.

That's it! She ran upstairs, locked her door, and stripped down. Fearing Edward might interrupt, she sent him a text message to tell him she was going to take a nap, that she'd call him later.

* * *

Edward was in his room going over the events of the previous night. He was bowled over by Bella's forthrightness, her progress (and penile prowess) in facing sexual situations without fear. He knew she was hesitant, but she'd done it, she had faced another demon.

Adam twitched and Edward laughed. While he could think of more manly names for his 'little Edward' like Thor or Conan (the Barbarian, not the comedian), Adam worked. If it made it easier for Bella to deal with it, he could have let her name it Esmerelda for all he cared.

His phone buzzed. A text from Bella.

_Taking a nap. Call later. 3_

He hoped she was okay. It was no surprise that she was exhausted from last night. It must have taken a lot out of her mentally and emotionally. He'd have to make sure he didn't push her too far too soon.

Someone knocked on his door. "Come in."

Jasper poked his head in. "Hey man, wasn't expecting to see you here alone."

"Hey now, Bella and I aren't always...no, you're right. Come on in, buddy."

"How're things going...oh wait...something happened. You're glowing—dude, you had sex!"

"Shut up Jasper! No. Close the door would you?"

Jasper shut the door and loped over to the bed. He flopped down beside his best friend. "So, are you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"What's got you all smiley and whatnot."

"No."

"Come on man, I'm your best friend. We're supposed to share these things."

"No we don't. I don't want to hear about you and my sister."

"At least tell me this. Have your needs been met by someone other than yourself?"

"I'm not talking about this Jasper. This is private."

"Fine, but you all but admitted something happened. I guess I'll have to live with that. My advice to you is this: DO NOT LET EMMETT FIND OUT. He's liable to tear your dick off and spear your nuts with it.

Adam twitched nervously.

"Jasper, I'm a man in love. I don't kiss and tell."

"No, but you have no problem kissing in public. You two take public displays of affection to a whole other level."

Edward blushed. "Sorry."

"Did you just blush? Man, Bella's really rubbing off on you."

Adam twitched happily at the thought of Bella rubbing him.

Trying to switch the topic, Edward asked if anything significant had happened after they left the celebration.

"Well, Jessica and Lauren tried to crash it but Alice and Rose took care of them. After all the things they've said about Bella there was no way in hell they were letting them stay. They literally chased them out of the house. It was hilarious."

"I would have paid good money to see that.

"I'm sure someone recorded it and it'll be up on Youtube at some point. Oh, and some of the scouts came out with Coach. They're all desperate to get their hands on Em. Dude's going to end up with a full-ride scholarship by the sound of it."

"Good for Emmett. He deserves some good news for a change."

"Yeah, but he's serious about not wanting to be too far from Bella. We need to convince him that we have things under control."

"Hmm... I see we have a mission before us, Agent Hale."

"Do you accept the challenge Agent Cullen?"

Edward fist-bumped Jasper. "I do."

They were silent for a few minutes. Jasper spoke first. "So, any ideas?"

"Well, we have a few months to go. We're just going to have to make sure that Bella's healthy and happy. Not to mention we'll probably have to promise to visit him often. We'll figure something out.

"So, Jazz, how've things been?"

Jasper smiled. "Pretty effin good, brother. School is good. My parents are getting along. Rosie's out of my hair because she's always with Em and your sister is the best thing to ever happen to me. I'm in love dude. Sounds cheesy, but she's my world. Guess it's good you've got Bells now because I've been so caught up with Alice that I kind of ignored you."

"It's all good. As long as you're happy and treat Alice like the pixie princess she is, then I won't have to kill you."

"Thanks man, I was worried that you'd be pissed that I was dating your sister."

"Nah, you're good people. You've got my blessing."

"Sweet."

"Want to play Wii?"

"Yeah, but can we play something I have a chance in hell of winning?"

"Whatever, Jazz. It's your pick. I'll meet you downstairs in a few."

Jasper left and Edward sent Bella a text.

_Playing Wii w/Jazz. Come up?_

* * *

Bella's experiment was slow, tender, and somewhat successful, although she feared that at the rate she was going, she and Edward wouldn't be able to introduce Adam and Pandora for a long time.

Too frustrated to face anyone at the house, she called Edward to say that she was just going to hang out by herself until dinner and he should stay at the house and spend time with Jasper.

She picked up the driver exam booklet to study again when there was a knock at her door. Emmett was dangling car keys in front of her. "Wanna go for a spin?"

Bella smiled. "Yes! Please! Just let me tell Edward."

Emmett grumbled something.

"What did you say Em?"

"Nothing, Belly."

"I think you did."

"Fine," he huffed. "I just said that you shouldn't have to report to him every time you do anything."

"He worries."

"I know, I'm sorry. I just never get any time alone with you anymore. What if he wants to come?"

"He won't. He and Jazz are playing Wii up at the house. They never get to hang out so I told him to stay there. If you don't want me to call, I won't. Just at least let me tell Esme, okay?"

"Deal. Hurry up."

Bella called to inform Esme what they were planning and asked her to tell Edward. She got changed and met Emmett down at her car. He threw the keys to her and away they went.

"Belly, I have to admit that you're a pretty good driver. You're going to ace your test on Tuesday."

"Thanks, Em. Can you believe I'm going to be a licensed driver on Tuesday? Feels like I was riding my first two-wheeler last week."

"Yeah," Emmett sounded sad.

Bella pulled over. "Em, what's wrong"

"I don't know, it's just everything is moving so fast. You're getting your license, you've got a boyfriend, I'm heading to college soon, possibly across the damn country, and I'm thinking I want to marry Rosie. When did we start growing up Belly?"

Sensing that Emmett needed to be comforted, she crawled over and gave him an awkward hug. "Emmy, you had to start growing up the second that mom and dad died. You didn't get a choice. It's true, things are moving fast, but we'll get through it.

"Please don't base your choice of college on me. Do something good for yourself. I'm not going to be tagging along with you forever. I don't want you to wake up one day and resent me for holding you back. No matter where you go, we can still visit. You gave up the last year and a half of your life to raise me. Time to do something good for you."

"Thanks Belly. You are the coolest kid on the planet, you know that?"

"It's only because I learned from watching my super-cool, super talented older brother. Now why don't we get back on the highway? We're wasting precious road time."


	18. Ch 18 Everything's Coming Up Rosie

**_I own a Stephenie Meyer autograph but she still owns Twilight.  
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_**What? Another fluffy chapter? I hope i'm not losing the angst-lovers. Don't lose hope...there's more angst to come.  
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Tuesday came and with it was a bad case of nerves. Carlisle drove Bella to take her road test in the morning. He waited nervously at the DMV and jumped up the second she returned. She was absolutely glowing.

"You passed?" he asked.

She ran over and hugged him. "I ACED IT! 100%"

"That's my girl! Now go get your license done up so you can get to school and let the others know. Edward and Emmett's insistent texting is driving me insane."

Edward and the gang were all pacing in the parking lot.

"What's taking so long? Something must have happened." Emmett said.

"I'm sure everything is fine," Alice said. "I have a good feeling about this."

Edward stiffened as Bella' VW pulled into the parking lot. Bella was driving. Alone. "She did it!"

They ran down to meet her once she parked beside the Volvo. They she got out she jumped into Edward's arms for a hug. He spun her around and cheered. Emmett stopped him.

"Hey, share my sister, would you?"

"Emmy! I got 100%!"

"I knew you would, Belly."

Alice grabbed her next. "Now you can take me to Port Angeles shopping!"

Bella groaned. "Maybe being a licensed driver isn't such a great thing."

Rose gave her a hug and Bella whispered: "We need to talk soon."

Rose replied with a promise to talk after school.

After school Bella and Edward drove home in the VW while Jasper drove Alice and Rose in the Volvo. Emmet would be home later after football practice. With the big game around the corner, coach had ramped up practices.

Bella asked if she could have some time alone with Rose when they got home. Edward and Jazz took the opportunity to play some Wii, while Alice pouted that she felt left out. Rose promised that she would make it up to her later.

They settled in the reading room after Bella started a fire and made some apple cinnamon tea. The reading room seemed like the perfect place to do it, since most of their heart-to-hearts had taken place there.

"So, what's on your mind, Bella?"

"This is hard. Uh, you won't tell Em will you?"

"Sweets, anything said in the reading room stays in the reading room. You can tell me anything." She smiled and tried to alleviate Bella's anxiety.

"Thank you so much, Rose. I really appreciate this because I don't think I could talk to anyone else about this. Well, about a lot of things."

"This sounds interesting."

"Well, uh," Bella paused nervously. "Uhm, okay. Well, uh, Edward and I have been, well, progressing." Her cheeks blushed crimson.

Rose squealed. "Really? Oh Bella, that's fantastic! Tell me all about it? Uh, I mean, how far have you gone...is there any easy way to ask you about it without it sounding weird?"

Bella laughed. "No, I don't think there is." She went on to explain how things had progressed to her 'shaking hands' with Adam.

"Adam?"

"I decided to name it so it wouldn't be so scary. Penis is too clinical, cock is something I associated with James and 'little Eddie' is just so wrong. Adam came about because it was the first man-thing I've touched, on purpose."

"So, uh, how did things go with," she snickered. "Adam?"

"Oh, I like Adam. He's pretty interesting to play with." Bella blushed before grinning evilly. "Adam liked me too, I think. I made Edward say 'fuck.'"

"No way! Edward rarely dares to breathe the f-word. Maybe he's not the little prude we all tagged him to be."

"Oh, Edward's no prude." Bella giggled. "So now that Adam and I are friends, I really want to be able to introduce him to Pandora."

""Let me guess...Pandora is..."

"Yeah," she blushed again. "So the idea of having anyone near Pandora is enough to make me want to puke. I was able to deal with the other touching because I was in control; I was leading. I'm trying to figure out how to make this work. Edward makes me so hot that I feel like I'm going to combust. I want him to be able to touch me, to help me...properly."

"Gotcha."

"So, I uh, practiced the other day, on myself. Tried to figure out what I would be comfortable with. I didn't get very far. Am I being too personal? Should I be talking to Victoria about this?"

"No, no sweets, it's all good. I went through something similar, although I wasn't creative enough to figure out the 'control strategy' that you have. My god, you're a smart cookie.

"Like you, I didn't want anyone down there after it happened—doctors or boyfriends, hell, I didn't want to touch myself. There were so many memories, flashbacks, panic attacks. Eventually, after a lot of patience, I figured out what worked for me. I can't say that it was easy, it took a lot of experimenting, and sometimes I still have moments. Keep in mind that everyone is different but I think you're on the right track. Just promise me you'll tell Edward right away if something doesn't feel right. He's not a mind-reader and one wrong move could ruin everything. You've come along so fast that you could relapse. Be aware, but don't be afraid.

"Sex isn't paramount to a strong relationship, Bella. I hope you are doing this because you want to and not because you feel you have to, that you owe anything to Edward. There's nothing wrong with waiting."

Bella gaped at her. "What?"

"Sorry about that, I didn't mean to go all Jonas Brothers purity-ring on you."

"Thanks Rose. I'm so glad I can talk to you. I don't feel right talking about this with Alice or Angela. Hell, I don't feel right talking to Victoria about it."

"I'm glad to help. Seriously though, I won't breathe a word. If Emmett knew I was giving sex advice to his baby sister, he'd kill me, he'd forcibly remove Adam from Edward, and lock you up in a convent. I think it would be entirely too much for him to deal with.

"Remember I'm here if you need me, got it?"

Bella smiled and hugged Rose. "I'm so glad you love Emmett. He adores you and so do I. He's so much happier since he met you. Thank you for loving him, Rose. He deserves someone as wonderful as you."

"He's changed my life, Bella. You both have. I've always wanted a little sister."

"I've always wanted a big sister."

"Guess we both won this time, didn't we?"

* * *


	19. Ch 19 Not All Surprises are Happy Ones

_**Stephenie Meyer owns the good stuff. I own the angst.**_

_**So, as I've been reading your wonderful reviews (they keep me going during the day when I sneak on ff while I'm at work!) I've started to rethink my sequel to this, AND I thought I'd ask you guys what you would like to see. I started working on it the other night and it picks up 6 years later. Am I jumping too far ahead? Do you guys want to see more of the gang in high school, going through the 'important rituals' and whatnot, or do you want to just jump on ahead a few years?**_

_**Please let me know what you're thinking.**_

_**There are only a couple of chapters left after this...oh oh.  


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The State Finals were upon them. The entire school was in a frenzy. Spontaneous pep rallies were breaking out all over campus. The Cullen/Swan estate was no different. Esme spent the week preceding the game cooking like a madwoman. They would be hosting another party after the game, regardless of the outcome.

Esme's cooking kept most of the kids busy. They were chopping vegetables, grating cheeses, decorating cupcakes and sealing things in baggies to freeze. Bella was thankful for the distraction and the heavy workload. When she and Edward would flop into bed at night they were too exhausted to do anything more than spoon.

That's not to say that Bella wasn't sneaking off to continue her experimentation. It was getting a little less frightening and she was finding it a little bit easier to relax enough to enjoy it.

The big day came with a lot of pomp and circumstance. The Cullen/Swan family organized a tailgate party before the game with several other families. The mood was light and contagious; everyone was whipped into a football-induced frenzy by the time the two teams reached the field.

The game was a real nail-biter. Both teams fought to the end and Forks High was victorious. Everyone went nuts and stormed the field.

Bella got lost in the melee, separated from Edward and the rest of the family. She felt someone tap her on the shoulder and relief overcame her until she turned around and...

* * *

"Sweetheart, can you hear me?"

"Bella? Bella dear, open your eyes."

"Belly? What the fuck happened to my sister?"

Too many voices. Bella's ears were ringing and although she couldn't see, she could feel that a large crowd was gathered around her.

"James," she said before she started to vomit.

Someone rolled her over on her side so she wouldn't choke.

"Did she just say James?" Carlisle asked.

"THAT FUCKING BASTARD! How did he find us?"

Bella continued to vomit and shook uncontrollably. Edward wrapped his arms around her and hummed while Carlisle tried to get the crowd to disperse. Bella could hear Jasper trying to calm Emmett down.

"Chill Emmett, you're upsetting Bella, not to mention I can see your blood pressure rising in your face...there are veins popping out in your neck. Just calm down. Bella needs us."

"You're right," he said quietly. "But I'm going to kill that bastard if I get my hands on him."

As soon as Bella's vomiting had slowed, Emmett picked her up and carried her to the Mercedes. Edward sat in the back with her lying across the seats with her head in his lap while his parents sat in the front talking quietly about what had happened. He gently ran his fingers through her hair and tried to soothe her. She was trembling so bad it was really starting to scare him.

"Is it possible that she did see him?" Esme asked. "How did he find her?"

"Emmett's been pretty high profile. Wouldn't take more than a Google search to locate him. While I don't want to discount what she saw, it could have been someone else. There were a lot of people there."

"No, it was him," Bella's voice was almost gone. She leaned into the cooler on the floor and vomited again.

Edward spoke quietly to her. "Calm down, love. Even if it was him, we won't let him near you."

"Yes, you and Emmett will move into the main house with us. Our security system is better. Maybe we should contact the police." Esme suggested.

"Yes, that's a good idea. I didn't realize he was out of jail."

Bella began to cry. "I knew he'd come back. Just when things were finally getting back to normal," she sobbed. "He's going to kill me. I don't want to die anymore. I'm scared."

Edward's heart was breaking as he continued to run his hands through Bella's tangled hair. He felt so helpless; he didn't know what to say or do to ease her worries.

Once they arrived at the house, Edward took Bella to his room and put her in bed. He coaxed her to drink some water and stayed with her until she fell asleep. He got up and found his family seated in the dining room with two police officers.

"What can we do?" his father was asking one of the officers.

"Protect yourselves by sticking together; be aware of your surroundings; and make sure you stay in contact during the day." The officer with the name Jones on his name tag said as he watched Edward enter the room.

The officer beside him, Arbuckle, apologized for not informing them that James had been released on bail and had all but disappeared.

Edward punched the wall. "I can't believe this is even happening! He wasn't supposed to get out! The police in Phoenix should have know he'd come after her."

"His father put up the bail. He's only seventeen, they must not have seen him as a flight risk." Arbuckle replied.

"Have you seen the photos of what he did to her? Did the judge not see them? She's been a shell of the person she was before he repeatedly raped her. She has nightmares every night. She finally stopped throwing up when she thinks about him. She nearly died twice because of that bastard and I am NOT going to let him destroy her all the hard work she's done to get this far. If you can't stop him, I sure as hell will!" Emmett roared.

"Calm down, bro." Jasper said. "It'll be okay."

"Look, we will do everything we can to catch him before he can get to her. We'll post someone here around the clock." Jones said before he took a drink from his coffee.

"Do what you have to, officers. If I have to hire additional security, I will. Now, could one of you escort the boys to the cottage to retrieve their belongings? I will not have them down there alone until he's locked up again." Carlisle said.

Edward, Emmett, and Jasper were escorted to the cottage by Officer Arbuckle. They quickly gathered some essential items for Em and Bella. Edward made sure to pack some of her photos to help her feel better. He also packed up her laptop, iPod, some clothes and her favourite blanket.

Back at the house, Edward made his way toward the stairs to see Bella. She met him halfway down the stairs, white as a ghost, covered in vomit, holding out her phone. "James," she said, zombie-like.

There was a text message.

_You are MY PIG. Not his._

Edward would have screamed a long list of profanities but Bella fell forward into his arms. The dead weight of her limp body forced him down a few stairs. "CARLISLE! HELP!" he called out frantically.

"Son, what...OH BELLA! What happened?"

"Text from James. Are the officers still here?"

"That number was unpublished and private. How?" Esme asked.

"I don't know. Call Arbuckle now. Emmett, help me get Bella to Edward's room. Esme, please grab the girls and run a bath. Bella's a mess. She's in shock. Hurry Emmett, she's shivering." Carlisle barked out his order authoritatively. "NOW!"

Esme and the girls rushed to Edward's bathroom and prepared a warm bath. The boys carried her into the room and put her in the tub fully clothed, then left. The girls removed her wet clothing and watched helplessly as the poor girl trembled. They washed her gently, drained the tub, and helped get her dressed in warm, clean, pajamas. Emmett carried her back to the bed where they took turns sitting with her. She was in and out of it.

Several hours later Bella woke up screaming. Edward was quick to wrap his arms around her and begin humming. She pushed him away and stood on wobbly legs. "NO!" she yelled hoarsely.

"Shh, Bella. You'll hurt your voice. What's wrong, love?"

"I'm not going to let him win."

Edward smiled and approached her slowly. "I'm so happy to hear that. Are you feeling okay? Do you want to sit? Can I get you some tea?"

"You think I'm crazy, don't you?"

"No, I think you've been through a lot, you're still in shock, and you're too strong to let him hurt you again. Please try to relax Bella. Let's get dressed and get something to eat."

Emmett barged into the room yelling. "WHERE IS HE? WHAT'S GOING ON?"

"Em, everything is okay. Bella just woke up. I think she's still in shock."

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, do NOT speak about me as if I'm not in the room. I am not crazy. I am not in shock. I am pissed off and tired of being afraid."

"Belly, please calm down. You're losing your voice again." Emmett hugged her. "I know you're pissed off. So am I. There's nothing we can do right now, the police are looking for him. They'll find him. It'll be okay."

"I wish I had your faith Emmy. Oh...your party! I ruined your celebration! I'm so sorry. This was your shining moment and I had to ruin it. I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me?" Bella started to cry. It was supposed to be a night to celebrate her brother's success and instead, as usual, all eyes were on her.

"Shh, Belly, it's okay. You're more important to me than a party. I'm just glad he didn't get you. If you hadn't fainted, he'd probably have dragged your off."

"You're pale as a ghost and trembling. Are you hungry? Should we break out the celebratory smoothies?"

"Yes." Bella's throat was raw. She hoped she hadn't done any further damage.

Everyone was sitting in the living room watching as they descended the stairs. Edward and Emmett flanked her and held her hands. Esme rushed over once they reached the bottom and embraced her. "Bella, sweetheart, are you okay? We were so worried."

Bella nodded.

"Should we get some fluid into you? Some smoothies perhaps?"

Again, Bella nodded.

"Is your voice gone?" Carlisle asked.

"Almost," she croaked.

"Alice, go grab the whiteboard from the kitchen again. Bella, no talking, you hear me?"

"Yup," she mouthed and popped the p at the end.

The family gathered around the dining room table while Carlisle briefed Bella on what had transpired. They had confirmation now that it was, in fact, James. He was out on bail. They had no idea how he found her cell number. Carlisle had gotten a new phone and number for her, but hadn't cancelled the other one in case James tried to contact her again. There was at least one, armed police officer on the grounds of the estate and Carlisle had hired extras, who would arrive in the morning.

School was up to them. If they wanted to go, they would need to have a guard, especially Bella.

_But he wouldn't be able to get to me at school, would he? Everyone already thinks I'm a freak, this will make it worse._

"Bella, I'm not taking any chances. As I said, you can choose not to go to school if you want. We will make arrangements to have your homework dropped off and have tutors brought in. No one, and I mean no one is to be alone. Not until they find him.

"I spoke with Victoria and she is available to come over here to talk to anyone who needs it."

_NO! NO! NO! I will not let him hold me prisoner! He's had control for too long. I'M taking control. I am NOT going to let him win._

Edward wrapped his arms around Bella. "He's not holding your prisoner. We want you to be safe. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you. Please Bella, let us keep you safe." He kissed her neck.

She slumped in defeat. She erased her previous message and wrote: _Fine, but I don't like it._

"You don't have to like it, Belly. You just need to be safe."

She stuck her tongue out at her brother.

"Let's get this girl something to drink. Come sweetheart, let's get you taken care of. Esme and Alice walked to the kitchen with Bella. Alice held her hand. "I'm glad you're okay, Bella."

Unable to respond with words, she squeezed the dainty hand wrapped in hers and smiled.


	20. Ch 20 Somebody's Watching Me

_**Stephenie Meyer owns it all. I just like to play with it.**_

_**I can't even begin to thank all of you who've favourited **_**Branded._ It has been such a wonderful boost to the old self-esteem. I hope that the story has consistently made it worth being favourited._**

**_Thank you. _****_Thank you. _****_Thank you. _****_Thank you. _****_Thank you. _****_Thank you. _****_Thank you. _****_Thank you. _**

**_Now back to your regularly scheduled angst.  
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Sunday was spent dozing in the living room. Everyone was sprawled out, blankets and pillows strewn everywhere. Esme even allowed them to eat in there. They were all so exhausted that she didn't want to disturb them.

After supper, Bella and Edward moved up to his room. She needed him. Needed to feel him, needed to love him, needed to get him to take her mind off things. She felt bad that they would be fooling around while his parents were downstairs, but she didn't care that much.

She locked the door behind them and pushed him toward the bed. As she walked, she removed her shirt. His eyes grew huge, as did Adam. She could see him twitching to life. Edward's lips were begging to be attacked, so she obliged. After the first taste of him, she needed more, needed to feel closer to him.

Pressing herself up against him, she cupped Adam and the boys. Edward gasped. "Bella, uh, what are you doing?"

She rubbed him harder, as she begged for entry in his mouth. His reaction was slower than usual, but eventually he relented and opened up for her. Tongues fought for dominance, hands groped, stroked, removed clothing.

Edward came up for air and realized that they were now both totally naked. What had come over Bella? She was being aggressive. He normally relinquished control to her but this was different, she was being rough.

She was standing naked in front of him. This was the first time he had seen every beautiful inch of her. Scars be damned, she was beautiful. What she considered 'fat', he considered 'curvy in all the right places'. He wanted desperately to taste her, all of her.

No. He stopped himself. Something wasn't right. Bella wasn't being herself. "Love, what's going on?"

She grabbed the whiteboard. _This not talking thing is so ruining the mood. I WANT you Edward. I NEED you._

"Not that I'm not thrilled, but why now? This is so not you."

Bella flopped on the bed. This was not going the way she had hoped. Should she come clean? No, she wanted to try to see if she could do it before James ruined her chance to totally give herself to Edward.

_Trust me?_

He sighed as he read those two words. "Okay, but you tell me if it gets to be too much."

Nerves be damned, she crawled further up the bed and patted the spot beside her. Edward joined her. He ran his hand down her stomach as he teased her hardening nipples with his mouth. Bella's breathing increased and she could feel that familiar heat and wetness building between her legs. Before she could chicken out, she took one of his hands in hers and guided him down gently to cup Pandora.

Edward's eyes popped open and he looked at her. Her eyes were closed; her mouth set in a slight frown.

"Bella. Bella. Look at me please. I can't do this if you're not one hundred percent okay with it."

Her eyes opened and tears spilled out.

"Love, you're not okay, are you?"

She moved his hand down further, guiding his fingers into her wet folds. When he tried to pull his hand away, she held it there firmly.

"Why are you doing this, Bella?" Edward asked, tears close to falling from his eyes. "Please, we can't do this. I can't do this to you. Please let go!" He pleaded with her. "Bella..."

Edward finally broke down and cried. He put his head on her bare chest and sobbed. She released his hand and curled away from him crying silently.

Not willing to let her go, he covered her with her favourite blanket and held her while they both wept. When she fell asleep, he got up and took a shower. He felt dirty. What had gotten into her? This was so unlike her. He spent most of the shower curled up on the floor crying.

When he returned to the bedroom, Bella was gone and there was a note for him.

_Edward,_

_I am so sorry for what I did tonight. I had no right. I'm no better than James. _

_You deserve to know why I did it, why I forced you to touch me. I am so terrified that James is going to ruin me again that I really wanted, no, needed to try with you before he takes it away again. I've been working so hard to get past it and you've been so patient, I really wanted to give all of myself to you while I can._

_I have been so focused on myself lately that I didn't once think of you, how this would impact you. I'll never forget the look of terror in your eyes when you touched me. I don't want you to ever be afraid. You don't need to feel dirty; it's not a fun feeling._

_I'm going to sleep with Emmett in the guest room tonight. I don't deserve you, especially not after what I did. _

_I love you deeply and madly Edward Cullen. Hopefully you still love me. I would understand if you didn't._

_Love, Bella_

Edward's heart dropped. He flew out of his room and over to the guest room. He knocked and when there was no answer, he opened the door. Instantly he wished he hadn't. Emmett and Rosalie were...well, let's just say that Bella was not in there. He muttered apologies and walked downstairs.

Bella was silhouetted by an outside spotlight in the yard as she stood staring out one of the glass walls.

"Love?"

She tensed up. As he got closer, he could see her reflection in the glass. She was crying again.

Walking quietly and slowly toward her, he tried to come up with a plan. How to handle this? A light hand on her shoulder--that was a start. She lifted her own hand to cover his. He urged her to turn around. With some hesitation she complied and the second they locked eyes he knew they'd be okay. She held him tightly.

"I'll always love you, Bella, no matter what happens," he murmured to her quietly. "I won't let him break us."

They slid down the pane of glass and held each other on the floor. It was chilly, but Edward didn't want to let her go. They fell asleep, shivering, but tightly wound around each other.

Esme came down to get a drink and found them cold and sleeping. Maternal instincts in full gear, she gathered up all the blankets she could find and covered them up. She worried that something had happened, but then again, Esme was always worried about something.

* * *

"Hey, sleepyheads, get up!"

Edward stirred first. He was aching, his muscles cramped. Bella moved against him and yawned. He gave her a hug before he pulled the blankets from off their heads.

The family (including Jasper and Rosalie) were standing around them, laughing. Bella was confused. How had they ended up on the floor—in the kitchen—under a mountain of duvets? Oh yeah—last night. She shuddered.

"Still cold, love?" Edward asked as he kissed the top of her head.

She shook her head yes. She didn't want to breach the topic of the disastrous night they'd had.

"Do you two want breakfast? I take it none of you are heading to school today." Esme asked.

Emmett mumbled something about possibly going in the afternoon.

Bella sucked on a smoothie and wondered why Em was so grumpy, well, beyond the obvious reasons. Then she wondered if going to school today was such a good idea.

Her old phone went off and everybody froze. Bella reached for it but Edward stopped her. "May I?"

She nodded and he flipped it open. She watched his face as he checked the message. He growled and cocked his arm back as if to throw it before Carlisle stopped him.

"Edward, we need this phone. It's evidence. Give it to me son."

Reluctantly he passed it to his father. "Bastard!" Carlisle said before handing it to Emmett and flipping open his own phone. "ARBUCKLE! Get your ass to the Cullen residence NOW!" he yelled.

Bella was terrified. Carlisle rarely raised his voice.

Emmett was pacing back and forth looking at the phone. Bella gestured to see it. He stopped. "No, Belly, I don't..."

"Give me the phone." Bella's voice was barely audible but Em knew she meant business. He reluctantly passed it to her while Edward and Carlisle argued in the other room.

It was a photo message. It was a photo of Bella and Edward asleep on the floor. The message said: _So easy. You're mine. He's dead._

Bella dropped the phone on the counter and ran to the patio doors. She ran across the deck, threw her head back and tried to scream. When nothing would come out she grabbed a plant pot and smashed it. Silent screams and smashing. She wanted to run and never stop. She wanted this to be over. Now he was threatening Edward? It wasn't fair. She was ruining this innocent family and it was all because of _him_.

Strong arms wrapped around her waist and she froze.

"Bella, love, I'm sorry. It's just me. Calm down." She turned around and pushed him.

Anger was beginning to boil over; her rage was growing by the second. She punched Edward hard everywhere and he never once tried to defend himself. Her eyes had glazed over and Edward knew that she had no idea what she was doing. It was better that she beat on him than someone else.

Emmett came around the corner in time to see her wailing on Edward, who, although he could tell it was hurting, was taking it all in stride. "Belly, it's not Edward's fault. Stop hitting Eddie." He grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled her away. She turned her blind rage onto him. Edward stepped forward but Emmett dismissed him and told him to call Victoria right away.

Bella punched and slapped her brother until she was spent. She fell to her knees and rested her head on the wood deck, her body twitching as she cried.

Esme came out and tried, to no avail, to get her to drink some water and soothe her.

Rosalie tried next. "Bella, it's Rose. I know what you're feeling and it's good to let that anger out. It's not so good to beat up the people you love, but it's good to get it out."

Bella had nothing to offer. No voice, no whiteboard, no energy, nothing.

Emmett came back out, picked her up, and carried her to the porch swing. "Belly, it'll be okay. Carlisle just called in some extra security. This property is so big it's hard for one guy to watch it. We'll all stay home from school today and stick together. Jasper and Rose's parents are coming over tonight and we're going to figure this out.

"I know you're mad, frustrated, and scared but it's no reason to hurt Edward like that. It's also no reason to smash Esme's flower pots. They're willing to let it go this time, however, next time, Esme may go Chuck Norris on your ass."

Bella giggled noiselessly.

"Victoria is coming over. She's going to try to help you get through the anger before you kill Edward. Will you meet with her? Please?"

Bella opened her mouth and pointed at her throat.

"We'll have the whiteboard there and hopefully a punching bag because I don't think Eddie's ribs can take much more."

What had she done to Edward? She stood up and walked slowly through the kitchen, the dining room, and the living room. No Edward. She heard voices upstairs so she went to investigate. The door to Carlisle's office was ajar. Edward was sitting on the edge of the big desk while his father taped up his ribs.

"Ow, Dad, go easy."

"Sorry son, it needs to be tight."

"Shit, that..." he inhaled sharply. "Holy crap that hurts."

"Language Edward. I know it hurts, but hang in there. I'm almost done."

"I don't understand what happened," Edward said, his voice cracking.

"I think Bella's finally reached the anger stage."

"Why would she hit me? Does she hate me now?"

Carlisle palmed his son's face gently, his thumb wiped away a tear. "It wouldn't have mattered who was there when she snapped, son. She was probably experiencing a blind rage. She still loves you. Never doubt that."

Bella stepped into the room slowly. She didn't want to see what she'd done to Edward, but she needed him to understand that she was sorry and that she loved him very much. Carlisle excused himself when she reached them.

Heart aching, eyes watering, hands shaking, she raised her eyes up his body. His ribs were taped tightly, bruises were starting to form on his arms, and his lip was split. With a trembling hand, she reached to touch it. He didn't flinch. His confused and sad green eyes implored her for answers.

"I'm sorry," she mouthed. "I'm so sorry. I can't..."

"It's okay, love. I'll be fine. Just some bruised and cracked ribs."

She gestured at his lip and he laughed. "Oh, I did that to myself when Carlisle was taping me up."

"I'm a monster." She mouthed.

"No, you're just angry and scared. We don't have to talk about it until Victoria gets here. Just tell me you love me."

"I love you."

"Come here, please." He held his arms out for her. Afraid she might hurt him, she backed away.

"Please!"

She shook her head.

"Bella, you won't hurt me."

Again, she shook her head.

"Please, I need you, Bella." Edward looked so lost, so broken; it was hard to resist him. It was his tears that were her undoing. He stood up and winced before walking toward her. She stood very still as he gently wrapped his arms around her. She trembled.

"Are you scared of me Bella?"

_Run_, she wanted to scream. _I'm going to get you killed. I'm tainted. Run!_

But she couldn't. She couldn't say anything. She let him hold her and offered him nothing in return.


	21. Ch 21 Evil

_**The queen of all things Twilight still owns everything, even that scumbag James.**_

_**So, after reading your wonderful reviews and doing some thinking, I realized that there's nothing from James' perspective in this story, so why not take some time to see what's going on in his sick head.**_

_**I wrote this quickly because some of you are getting antsy for the next chapters. I hope it's not too scattered and confusing.

* * *

**_

James' plan was well underway. If it hadn't been for that lenient judge who fell for his boyish charm and angelic act, he'd probably still be in jail. No juvie for him, he'd gone straight to jail. They said he almost killed her. He almost wished he had, but getting revenge was going to be all the sweeter. Bella belonged to him. She'd be found and he'd fix things and everything would go back to the way it was before this mess started.

Although he was thankful that his father had sprung him, he wasn't indebted enough to stay in town. He'd stuck around for a little while, played the good boy so no one would suspect his next move, but all along he'd been plotting his next step. He needed to find them. Bitch needed to pay.

With football season in full swing, he knew his best friend would be making waves wherever they had moved to. There's no way Em wouldn't play ball, and there's no way he wasn't turning heads. Didn't take long on Google before BINGO! SWAN LEADS FORKS HIGH TO STATE FINALS. Now where the hell was Forks?

After borrowing his father's car to 'go to the store' he'd taken off on the long drive from arid Arizona to the dampness of Washington State. Time was going to be an issue and he was going to have to ditch the car at some point if he didn't want them to figure out where he was going, so he decided to leave it just before crossing state lines and hitched rides the remainder of the way. His baby-faced good looks certainly helped. One older couple actually put him up in a hotel one night.

He arrived in Forks the day before the game, which worked well to his advantage as he needed to find out where the game would be played. It also took a while for him to find out that Bella and Emmett were living with a Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Unfortunately, they lived way out in the woods.

It was dark when he reached the house but that was perfect—the house was nothing but windows so he had a front row seat for the daily goings-on of the Cullen/Swan clan. He could see that Emmett was making out with a smoking hot blonde girl. _Way to go, bro!_ He thought. Em was the best friend a guy could have and he wished no ill toward him. It was that bitch sister of his who...

...Bella. There she was. Standing in front of him. She looked incredible. She'd lost weight, filled out in other areas and was actually smiling. He felt his cock twitch in his pants. _Soon,_ he thought as he smiled.

The smile was short-lived when some kid with messy bronze hair came up behind her and kissed her neck. She smiled even more. The kid's hands grazed just below her perfect tits and he could almost hear her moan.

How dare that kid touch her? Bella was his! He branded her to make sure everyone knew she was his PIG. He was going to kill that little son-of-a-bitch for touching her and she was going to pay for letting someone else near her.

Before his anger could overtake him and completely destroy his plan, he left to find someplace to sleep. He needed to rest up if he was going to reclaim what was rightfully his.

Dreams of dominance, blood, and terror-filled screams invaded his sleep. It added fuel to his fire, stoked him up even more for what he was going to do. When dawn broke and the sun woke him, he opened his eyes and greeted the day with a smile. Today was his day.

Breakfast beckoned him on the way to the game. He sat off to the side in a small diner and listened intently to all the pre-game chatter and excitement while he ate.

"That Swan kid is going to bring us the title. I know he is. He's a powerhouse!" One grizzled old man said to another.

His friend nodded and spoke with his mouth full of toast. "You bet he is. Those poor Swan kids moving here was the best thing that ever happened to that football team." Small pieces of partially masticated toast flew out of his mouth as he spoke. Disgusting.

A guy at the next table asked how the Swan kids ended up in Forks in the first place.

"Well," said the first old guy. "Their parents were killed in a car crash. They came to live with Doc and Mrs. Cullen because they're the godparents, and I heard that something bad had happened to the girl. Poor thing was attacked or something. Nearly killed from what I hear."

"My granddaughter Lauren told me that the girl is messed up. Don't talk, gets sick a lot," another man chimed in. "Said she thinks the girl should be locked up, that she ain't right in the head."

James smiled. All was not lost.

The second old guy, who was now spitting eggs as he spoke said: "Either way, Swan is the shit and he's going to give us the state title today."

It was easy for James to blend in at the game. He fit right in with the other kids because he had only just turned eighteen. For all anyone but Emmett and Bella knew, he was just a kid from the opposing high school.

Bella was bouncing around the parking lot with the gorgeous blonde and a little dark-haired pixie-looking girl. All too soon the bronze-haired kid showed up and was pawing all over his Bella. Anger flared in him. He had to walk away before he blew his cover. She'd be back in his arms soon enough.

The game was intense and it killed James that he wasn't out there playing beside Emmett, like old times. They were a powerful force to reckon with, especially after he'd started juicing up. If Em had joined him they'd have been indestructible.

He had read during his Google search that there were several high-profile universities scouting Em. It should have been both of them. They were supposed to do it all together, but no, his stupid sister had to go and almost die and fuck everything up royally. She'd pay. Oh, how she was going to pay.

Forks won the game and just as he'd predicted, everyone stormed the field. Now was his chance. Bella became separated from the boy and was wandering alone in the crowd. He approached her from behind, hoping to grab her and take her to the woods beside the field. Someone bumped him and he lost his grasp. Bella turned around, saw him, and fainted dead. There was no way he could drag her out without someone noticing.

The bronze-haired kid yelled out Bella's name, looking for her. James took a chance and dug around in her pocket for her phone. He flipped it open, memorized her number, and fled.

Within a minute a crowd had formed around her. James hurried to hide away from the people amassing. If Emmett knew he was there he'd look for him, come after him, probably kill him. A year ago, he would have killed for him, now his best friend wanted him dead. All because of her.

He often wondered if it had been worth it. Had possessing Bella been worth losing his best friend? Yes. Yes, she had. Sure, she was a major pain in the ass, but she was his to do with as he pleased. He missed her, yet he hated her. James had never felt more conflicted in his life.

Plan B would have to come into play now. Did he have a Plan B? Oh yeah—time to break the bitch down.

James hid away from the world for a couple of hours before he put Plan B into motion. He started simple with a text message. A very simple one: _You are MY PIG. Not his._

That should get a rise out of them.

He walked back out to the Cullen estate and hid. He saw a cop car in the driveway. Obviously, she'd ratted him out again. Would she never learn?

Based on the angry gesticulations everyone was making, he figured that they'd received his message. He was thoroughly enjoying the frantic and furious pantomime he was watching through the massive windows. This was better than watching TV. He was the puppet master watching his own sick puppet show.

Once things calmed down and the lights were dimmed, he crept around the house to plan his next move. Everyone seemed to have gone to bed by this point, so this was a perfect chance for him to figure out the layout before he had to get some sleep. Tomorrow he'd try again.

Sundown on Sunday found James making his way carefully back to the Cullens. What kind of havoc could he wreak that night?

Things were quiet around the house most of the evening and everyone seemed to go to bed early. He was about to give up at midnight when he saw her standing at the massive windows in the kitchen. She was crying.

Part of him rejoiced because he knew that he had probably been the cause of these tears, but another part of him, albeit a small one, wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be okay because he was back and he'd make her happy again...

...until the boy who was always pawing at her showed up.

Red-tinged fury consumed him. Again, it took a lot of self-control to keep himself from smashing the windows and killing them both.

Eventually they ended up sleeping on the floor. James had a brilliant idea. He crawled up to the deck and very quietly snapped a photo of them with his phone. _Oh yes, this will be perfect. Scare the shit out of them, _he thought. It disgusted him to see them together, but this had to be done.

He left the property and went back into town to get some sleep. He'd send them a little good morning message later. He wished he could see the looks on their faces when they saw it.

Things were going well. Hopefully he'd have his opportunity to finish it off and take back what belonged to him sooner than later. He was tired of sharing what was rightfully his with the pretty boy and Bella needed to be punished.


	22. Ch 22 Sometimes Dreams

_**SM owns it all. I own some Dark Chocolate M&Ms which are quickly disappearing.**_

_**We're getting down to the end, folks. One chapter after this one. I'm kind of sad about it. I'm working my butt off on the sequel. Hopefully you'll stick around long enough to read it once I get it finished. :)**_

_**Thanks again for the wonderful reviews.

* * *

**_

Bella was curled up in a ball on a couch in the music room trying to sort things out while Edward played the piano. She needed to do something to stop James, but what? It's not as if she could call him and ask him to please leave her and her loved ones alone.

There was only one solution and she wasn't sure if she could pull it off. Carlisle was really tightening security on them, there's no way she could get away from them and she sure as hell didn't want to be a sitting duck.

What was it Victoria had encouraged--control? Bella needed to take control of the situation and stop being the victim. There was only one way...

"Bella? Hello in there? Helloo?"

Fingers snapped in front of her face pulling her out of her thoughts.

"Victoria's here. How do you want to do this?" Edward asked as he held out the whiteboard.

_I'd like to talk to her alone for a few minutes before we talk to her together. If you'd like alone time with her that's fine too._

"Do you want me to send her up here to talk?"

_No, I want to go to the cottage, to the reading room. Do you think that will be okay?_

"I'll ask Dad. I'm sure it's no problem. How're you doing? You seemed pretty lost in thought. I hope you're not still beating yourself up about beating me up." He laughed lightly before taking on a more sombre tone. "Or about last night."

_No, just a lot to think about. Can you go ask Carlisle about the cottage?_

"Sure. I love you."

She nodded sadly at him. She wanted to tell him that she loved him so badly, to make him understand the depth of her love, but she couldn't. She'd hopefully show him soon enough, and hopefully he'd still love her.

After security had checked the cottage for signs of James, Bella and Victoria were finally allowed to head down, with armed guards. Bella had never known anyone who had more muscle to protect them than she did.

There was a chill in the room so Bella lit a fire and grabbed some afghans. She curled up on the settee while Victoria looked around.

"I have to say that this is just about the sweetest room I've ever been in. It's so cozy and inviting. Maybe I should hire Esme to re-do my office. Wow, so many books.

"Oh, are these your parents Bella? They have to be. You look a lot like both of them. Emmett is the spitting image of your father, only larger." She stood in front of Bella's shelf. "This shelf is different than the others. Why's that?"

Bella pulled out the whiteboard and began to write. _Those are "my" books. The ones I brought with me. I used to have so many more._

"What happened to them?"

_James_

"What did he do?"

_Tore them up in front of me. Burned them._

"How did that make you feel?"

Bella huffed angrily. The sound of the marker became harder, more aggressive. _How do you think it made me feel? I loved my books. I didn't have many friends but I had lots of books. He burned my autographed copy of _The Outsiders_! It was a gift from my mom._

"Bella, you're angry."

_What was your first clue, Sherlock?_

"Want to talk about it?"

Bella threw her hands in the air and let out a silent scream. _Talk?_

"Sorry, bad choice of words on my part."

_There isn't a whiteboard big enough to express just how fucked up everything is, and it's all my fault._

"Start slow. We've got all day."

_No, we don't because everyone else needs you too. Cliff Notes version: _

_James found me at the football game_

_James found out my cell #_

_James took photos of me and Edward last night while we slept on the kitchen floor_

_I forced myself on Edward last night _

_I broke Edward's ribs in a fit of rage_

_Everyone I love is in danger because of me_

"Wow, that's a lot to deal with in a short period of time. I don't think you have to worry about James getting close to you again because Carlisle has this place tied down tighter than Fort Knox.

"James is trying to resume the power position. He knows he can control you by threatening your loved ones. Don't fall for it. He'll exploit every means necessary by the looks of it. DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID BELLA. Promise me you won't fall for it.

"Now, what's this about forcing yourself on Edward?"

_This makes me feel worse than breaking his ribs. I don't even know if I can talk about this. I'm no better than James._

Victoria sat down beside her. "It's so not the same. Why don't you tell me how it started and what you were feeling."

_Horny. Scared. Mostly scared._

"Look at you blush!" Victoria laughed. "It's okay to be horny, Bella. You're a teenager. Now scared, that is a broad term. What were you scared of?"

_James. I'm scared he's going to ruin me again before I get to be totally intimate with Edward. I'm already a mess, I just needed to be with Edward, show him how much I love him in a way I've never been able to. I worked really hard to be able to even just touch myself._

"That's encouraging, well, the part about taking matters into your own hands, or so to speak. Boy, I'm just sticking my foot further and further in my mouth, aren't I?"

_Yeah_. Bella chuckled to herself.

"So, I can understand your fears but physical love isn't the only way to show Edward that you love him. People who are sexually abused quite often equate love to the physical act of sex. I'm pretty confident that Edward will wait until you are truly ready. So, tell me what happened."

_I stripped down totally naked and threw myself at him. I made him touch me, down there. HE cried. He was horrified. I felt so wrong, as if I'd made him dirty, tainted him because I forced him to do it._

"I'm sure he could have pulled..."

Bella erased the whiteboard furiously. _NO! I had his hand in mine, I wouldn't let go._

"How did him touching you make you feel?"

Tears fell as Bella wrote. _Sick and empty._

"Honey, when the time is right and you're truly ready it won't feel empty and you won't feel sick. It will be loving, comfortable and wonderful.

"I can understand your fear of James taking it away again, but I don't think you should worry."

_Edward must think I'm a monster._

"I feel pretty safe in saying that he doesn't. Now, what happened this morning?"

_James texted a photo of Edward and I sleeping on the kitchen floor (don't ask) and made a threat against him. I LOST IT! I'm so sick of him running my life and I felt trapped. I was so mad that I smashed Esme's flower pots and I attacked Edward and Emmett. I didn't really realize what I was doing._

"How did taking your anger out on them make you feel?"

_I don't remember. I remember pushing Edward, but not pounding on him. I don't really remember hitting Em either. I kind of gapped out._

"That's normal."

_There's nothing normal about beating your boyfriend and your brother and not remembering it._

"Happens more than you know. So how did you feel after?"

Bella sighed. _Guilty, tired, sad, angry and yet I felt lighter too._

"That's a lot of emotion to process. I think you came through it well."

_Edward didn't._

"Speaking of Prince Charming, do you mind if I chat with him a bit before I speak to you together?"

Bella nodded. _I'll be up in my bedroom packing up some stuff. Text when you're ready_

Edward arrived shortly after Bella went upstairs. He was visibly nervous.

"Oh, Prince Charming, she really did a number on you, didn't she?"

He winced as he sat. "I'll survive. How did you make out with her?"

"Well, she surprised me a couple of times. Do you want to talk about last night?"

He blushed. "How much detail did she provide?"

"Enough to know why you blushed. So, tell me what happened."

"I won't bore you with all the details. Essentially Bella, uh, took things to a 'whole notha level' that I don't think either of us was ready for. I believe she thought she was, and under different circumstances I might have been more open to a more intimate moment, but her eyes were closed the whole time she held my hand 'down there' and she was crying. I felt like I was doing something to hurt her, but she wouldn't let go of my hand. I begged her to stop but she didn't until I cracked and cried like a baby."

"What were you feeling?"

"Guilt, terror, heartache, dirty...I felt empty. It was confusing. I didn't understand why she was doing it, why she wasn't acting like 'my' Bella. She was aggressive and it scared me. What really hurt was that she turned away from me once I started crying. I held her until she fell asleep, then I went to take a shower. When I got out she'd left a note saying that she'd understand if I couldn't love her anymore.

"How could she even think that? After everything we've been through!"

"You handled it the best way you could, Edward. Bella's experiencing a lot of emotions right now. James showing up has finally unearthed some of the anger she's been holding in."

"Will she explode like that again? Will she attack me? Does this mean she doesn't love me anymore? I'm so messed up!" Edward put his head in his hands and cried. "I can't stop fucking crying too!" He stood up, grabbed a pillow and biffed it across the room, knocking over a photo frame. He walked over to it and picked it up. It was a photo of him and Bella at her birthday party. By the smiles on their faces you'd never know they had a care in the world.

"I need this to be over!" he yelled. "FUCK! I'll KILL THE BASTARD MYSELF!" He started yanking books off the shelves. "FUCK! FUCK! FUUUUCK!" He screamed.

"Do you know what she said the other day? After the football game, after we found her unconscious on the field? For the first time since I met her, she said that she didn't want to die. She's always gone on about how much easier death would be and how she wished he'd killed her. Now that she has finally found a reason to live, he's threatening to take it away. It's not fair!"

Edward turned and looked out the window while he tried to compose himself. He'd made a huge mess in Bella's sanctuary. She was going to hate him. She was...wrapping her arms gently around him.

He winced momentarily. "Bella?" he turned around so he could see her. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. He wiped at them with his thumbs. "Are you okay? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell, and I really didn't mean to make a..." Bella stopped him by putting her index finger over his lips.

"It's okay," she mouthed.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded. Taking his hands in hers, she led him to the settee. He sat with her in his lap and they held each other carefully, trying not to hurt his ribs any further. Victoria excused herself to get drinks and to give them some privacy before beginning their session together.

When she returned, it looked as if they hadn't moved an inch. "Shall we begin?"

They both agreed silently.

"I want to address something that Edward said. Bella, did you say that you wanted to live?"

She nodded.

"Had you really wished James had killed you?"

_Sometimes_

"Why didn't you ever mention it to me before?"

_Not relevant?_

Victoria sighed. "What makes you want to live now?"

She squeezed Edward's hand. _Love._

"Edward's love?"

_His is certainly a huge part of it, but I have a family again that I love and I'm kind of loving my life right now—school is good, I have friends, and aside from the crazy that's going on right now, things have been good. Now that I can see that I could lose it all, I'm scared because I don't want to die. I don't want to leave Edward and my family._

"Why do you think you might die?"

_If he catches me again, he won't let me live. I know him too well._

Edward tightened his grip around her protectively. "He won't get you."

_He might. He could._

"That was a big thing, Bella, to admit that you want to live. Even now, after everything that's happened."

Bella sighed as she erased the board and began to write quickly. _Can we not bring up what happened last night?_

"Okay, but we need to address the anger. I want you to try something next time you feel anger building up. I want you to think about the situation and if one of the following three statements applies, you need to step back and decide how much anger the situation really requires. These are your three statements: 1) This sucks; 2) I'm not happy; 3) This doesn't feel right. If you can actually think about what's going on like this you'll be better able to reign in the anger and deal with the situation appropriately.

"I also suggested to Carlisle that he set up a punching bag to help get rid of that anger in a way that won't leave Prince Charming and your brother bruised.

"Under the current circumstances I think you're dealing with it better than expected. I am going to make myself available to your whole family in the evenings, and I'll come out here for your regular sessions.

"I need to meet with Emmett next. I think I might do it at the house. He might get upset and start throwing books at me." She winked at Edward.

Bella looked at him appalled. He held up his hands. "I didn't throw anything but a pillow; I pulled the books off the shelves. I'll fix that now."

"If you need me at any time, please call me, okay? And remember you two, sex doesn't always have to be such a big part of a relationship. Sometimes waiting is the best thing you can do."

"Before I go, Edward, I want you to tell Bella how you're feeling, then Bella, I want you to do the same."

Edward looked into Bella's big, beautiful, brown eyes and smiled. "I feel a lot of love for you, Bella, but I'm also scared I'm going to lose you. I'm scared that you're going to do something irrational to save us when you don't have to. I am angry that this is even happening and I'm hopeful that everything will work out in the end; James will be out of our lives and we'll all live relatively happily ever after. I love you. You are my life. I couldn't bear to lose you."

He kissed her chastely before she grabbed the whiteboard, erased her previous scratching and began to write.

_I love you too, Edward. So much. You have no idea. I feel scared that James is going to kill us, because without you there's no me. I couldn't live. I'm sorry that I have put you and your family in danger and I'm also VERY sorry about what happened last night. I didn't mean to hurt you._

After Edward read it, she erased it and continued. _I wish I could promise not to do something stupid, but I can't do that. If you are in any kind of danger at all then I will do anything I can to save you. I love you too much to let you die because of me._

She tried to gauge his reaction. It went from frustration to anger and back. He moved her off his lap and stood up. "YOU WILL NOT SACRIFICE YOURSELF FOR ME ISABELLA MARIE SWAN! NEVER! If you can't promise me this then I will make sure there is an armed guard with you at all times, even when you go to the fucking bathroom to pee. I am NOT losing you."

He grabbed the whiteboard, threw her backpack over his shoulder, and dragged her back to the main house where he proceeded to show the board to Carlisle. Furious, Bella stormed up to Edward's room and slammed the door shut. She paced around the room and pulled at her hair. She wanted to throw something but had promised herself that she wouldn't. Instead, she punched the wall.

"BELLA!" Esme cried when she entered the room. "What's wrong?"

"I need to be alone," she mouthed. "Please."

"I don't know, Bella, Edward's very upset and worried that you're going to do something foolish." She walked toward the seething Bella calmly. "Please don't do that, sweetheart. We have everything under control. You won't need to do anything because they'll catch him soon and it'll be all over. Please calm down, dear. We love you and won't let anything happen to you." Esme hugged her. Bella was trembling.

Edward walked in with the whiteboard and handed it to her. She glared at him and tossed it on the bed. She had nothing to say to anyone right now. She turned to the patio doors and stared out at the rainy forest. When Edward tried to touch her, she shrugged him off.

"I'm not sorry I told Dad, Bella. I love you and I want you to be safe. I'll leave you alone for now but I'm not giving up on you."

The urge to turn, run to him, throw herself into his arms was almost strong enough to win over her frustration, but in the end, she stood her ground and allowed him to leave. She needed for him to keep his beautiful mouth shut for a while she calmed down and figured out what was going on.

Bella continued to look out the glass doors. The mist was soothing; she felt herself calming down until she saw a flash of something at the edge of the woods.

She opened her mouth to scream but nothing came out. James was standing partially behind a tree. If this place was so heavily guarded then why couldn't they see him? He pointed at her and she thought she saw him lick his lips.

Trembling, Bella turned away from the window, crawled onto the bed, rocked back and forth, and shook uncontrollably. Surely, she was hallucinating. Edward came back up later to tell her that dinner was ready. She shook her head. There was no way she could eat; her stomach was upset and she knew if she tried to eat it wouldn't stay down.

Edward crawled into bed with her and this time she allowed him to comfort her. At first contact she began to cry. He held her and hummed to her hoping to calm whatever it was that was upsetting her.

"Bella, are you still angry with me?"

She shook her head lightly.

"Still love me?"

She nodded vigorously.

"Are you sure you won't have some supper?"

She stuck her fingers in her mouth and rubbed her stomach.

"You feel sick? Should I get Dad?"

"No," she mouthed. "Sleep."

"Okay, I'll go tell them that you don't want dinner and that you just want to sleep. I'll be up after I eat, okay?"

She kissed him before he got up. Edward passed over her iPod.

"Thank you," she said silently.

"Rest up, love. I'll be back soon. I love you."

Bella put on the headphones, turned on some music, and dozed off. Within what seemed like seconds she was plunged deep into a nightmare. James was there, taunting her, holding her down. She struggled against him but couldn't shake him. Strong hands wrapped around her neck and she started to gasp. She couldn't suck enough air into her lungs. In a panic she opened her eyes and it was no dream. James was standing in Edward's bedroom, strangling her.

"Did you really think a few guards would keep me out Bella? Huh? Aren't you happy to see me? We need to make this quick before the happy family finishes dinner. I would hate to have to hurt them."

He removed his hands from Bella's neck. "Aren't you going to say hi Bella?"

Her windpipe refused to open any wider than a pinhole and the lack of oxygen was making her lightheaded. She gasped and gulped as hard as she could, but she just couldn't get enough. When she couldn't respond to James, he struck her hard across the face.

"Answer me bitch," he hissed at her. "What's wrong? Cat got your tongue? Oh well, this'll be easier if you don't scream."

Bella's face was burning from where he hit her. Black spots danced in front of her eyes. She tried to fight him but she was weak and only managed to anger him further. He pulled her shirt up to cover her head and yanked her pants off. He ran his fingers over his brand and laughed quietly. "See, you'll always be my pig, Bella. I'll always be part of you."

Bella thrashed and screamed without noise, just like in her nightmares.

"Don't make me kill you before I get what I came for, Bella. Calm the fuck down. You know it's easier that way." He crashed his fist into her diaphragm, knocking what little air she had out of her lungs.

The darkness was taking over Bella. She fought to stay awake, to stay alive, because she knew that if she let herself slip under the heaviness that chances are she wouldn't wake up. It would be easier to let go, it would be less painful.

James ran his hands over her body. "You're smaller. Cuter. No wonder green-eyed wonderboy likes you. You're a slut and your body is looking hot. I've been waiting too long Bella. You're mine. I'm not sharing you anymore. If I can't have you, no one will."

He thrust into her at the same moment that Edward entered the room.

"OH MY GOD! BELLA! DAD, HELP. HE'S HERE! HE'S GOT..."

Was it hours? Minutes? Seconds? Bella was too far gone to know. She did know that she heard a gunshot, and that was the last thing she heard before she went under.


	23. Ch 23 Death Becomes Her

_**I AM SO SORRY ABOUT THE CLIFFIE! I was showing a friend of mine how this all works and I wanted to show him how easy it was to post a chapter (once it's all uploaded and whatnot) and I totally forgot about the cliffhanger!**_

_**Stephenie Meyer still owns Twilight and I own a useless pink Motorola RAZR...grumble grumble.**_

_**So, this is it. The end. I'm kind of sad. I've had an angsty but wonderful time writing this and an even better time getting to know some of you wonderful readers better. Never in a million years did I think so many people would read this.**_

_**I hope you can deal with the ending and don't forget that the sequel is well on its way. Hopefully y'all will stick around long enough to read it and enjoy it.**_

_**Thank you to each and every one one of you who've followed **_**Branded**_**. You really don't know how incredible this whole experience has made me feel.

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**_

"Bella? Sweetheart? Can you hear me? Can you squeeze my hand?"

Between the beeping, the chorus of unfamiliar voices, and the fuzziness in her head, Bella was able to make out Esme's calming voice. She struggled to surface from the dark pool in which she was floating. It felt warm and safe. How had she gotten there? What had happened? Why did it feel like someone was sitting on her chest? Where was the velvet voice?

Velvet voice...velvet voice? Edward!

It all came rushing back. James. Bed. Edward. Loud noise.

The beeping increased its speed. Another voice said something about panic, a shot...GUNSHOT!

Before Bella could surface, something warm ran through her veins and pulled her back under, where it was safe, warm, and quiet.

Esme looked at Carlisle, worried. "Did you have to knock her out again? I think she was finally coming around."

"Her heart rate was elevated. Something was causing her to panic. A little Ativan won't hurt her. It's best if she remains calm."

"If you had gone through what she did, wouldn't you panic?" Esme pushed some of Bella's hair back off her face. "My poor, sweet Bella. Come back to us little one, you're safe now."

Emmett entered the room and hugged Esme. "How's she doing?"

"She almost regained consciousness. I had to sedate her again. Her heart rate is very high."

Emmett crawled onto the too-small bed and hugged his little sister, careful not to bump the breathing tube and other assorted wires and tubes attached to her.

"Belly, come back to me, please. Everything's better now, I promise."

He stroked her pale cheek with his big hand. "Carlisle, why is it taking so long for her to wake up?"

"It could be a combination of many things, son. He deprived her of oxygen for god knows how long, it could have caused brain damage, or maybe she's trying to heal herself before she comes back. She's been through an awful lot. She might just need some time to heal, to deal. Do you blame her?"

"No, I don't. I'm just glad it's over."

* * *

The beeping became louder and louder, faster and faster as Bella finally crashed through the darkness.

"Belly?"

Emmett.

"Is she waking up Dad?"

Alice.

"Sweetie, calm down. We're here."

Esme.

"Bella, dear, try to calm down."

Carlisle.

Where was Edward?

Her left eye opened cautiously and scanned the room before the right one joined it.

Where was Edward?

Where was Edward?

Where was Edward?

"Belly, calm down. You're going to have a heart attack!" Emmett said as he knelt beside her bed.

Her eyes shot wildly around the room. Where was he? Tears poured down her face. Edward wouldn't leave her because of what he saw James doing to her, would he? Was he okay? Oh my god. The gunshot.

Bella desperately wanted to call out for him but there was a tube down her throat. She tried to pull it out, tried to sit up. Carlisle and Emmett held her arms down. She needed to know where he was. She kept looking from person to person, imploring them to tell her where he was.

Alice spoke quietly to Esme. "I think she's looking for Edward."

Bella nodded frantically.

Esme took her hand and sighed. "Oh, Bella dear, Edward's gone..."

The pain of her shattering heart was enough to bring the darkness back around her. When she woke again a short time later, tears were flowing down her face, and she was choking not only on her sobs, but on the breathing tube. Edward was gone? How? She didn't want to live. She closed her eyes and went limp. She tried to process everything that had been said.

Esme cupped Bella's tear-streaked face in her hands. "Edward's gone to take a shower sweetie. He'll be back soon. He'll be upset that he missed you. Please try to calm down, get some sleep. He will be here when you wake up. I'll make sure of it."

She couldn't argue with Esme. The excitement was too much; she was exhausted. Edward was okay. She could sleep now.

"Love? Are you awake?"

Bright light blinded Bella when she heard his velvety voice call out to her. She squinted.

"Too bright?"

She blinked at him. He turned off the offending overhead light.

"Better?"

She gave him a weak thumb's up. He leaned in and kissed her forehead before he crawled on to the bed to hold her. She stared and him and cried. Edward was really there. Alive. Well. Holding her.

"I love you," he said. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there sooner. I should have stayed with you. This is my fault." When he started to cry, she cupped his face in her hand, wiped away the tears and wished she could tell him that she loved him too, that it wasn't his fault. She moved her hand and placed it over his heart. Still beating. Still alive. Still hers. Still...so exhausted.

Bella slept a lot over the coming days. Every time she fell asleep she was in his strong arms and when she woke up, he was still there. She wondered if he ever left.

Over time she was able to piece together what had transpired based on conversations she overheard. James had climbed up to Edward's bedroom and had broken in; he choked Bella, damaging her windpipe, thus the breathing tube; had just begun to rape her when Edward showed up. He yelled for help before tackling him. An armed guard showed up and shot James dead.

It was over. It was really over.

The only two things more exciting than that were that Edward was still alive, still wanted to be with her; and her breathing tube was coming out the following day.

After a week in the hospital, Bella was more than happy to go home. Carlisle and Esme insisted that she stay at the main house until she was completely back on her feet. The first time she entered Edward's bedroom, she froze. Edward had a new bed, new bedding, and a new rug.

"We didn't want...well, you know. Thought it might be easier if things were different. Is this okay?"

"Yes," she croaked. "As long as you're okay with it. It's your room."

"I hope you'll find this bed equally comfy. I actually find it's even better."

Bella crawled up onto the bed, sprawled out, and sighed. "It's good to be home."

Edward curled up beside her and wrapped his arm around her waist. "It's good to have you home. It's even better to hear your voice. I've missed it."

"Oh, it's real sexy now, isn't it," she rasped. "I sound like a 90 year-old chain smoker."

"I think it's hot." Edward leaned in and kissed her. She fisted her hands in his hair, deepened the kiss, and pulled him on top of her.

"Uhm, Bella?"

"I missed you, Edward. Let me have my moment."

"As long as you're okay."

"I'm perfect. James is dead, you're alive, I'm finally home and...oh, hello Adam. I've missed you most of all."

Edward groaned. "Bella, love, you're going to be the death of me."

* * *

**Thanks again for reading my first foray into fanfiction writing. I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. A sequel is coming (much to the chagrin of another non-fanfiction piece i'm working on!)** **Please let me know what you thought, what could be improved, maybe something you'd like to see in the sequel.**

**to you all. Have no fear. Adam and Pandora shall return. :)  
**

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**_Just a note to everyone, I've got the first few chapters of the sequel done, so I will hopefully have something up shortly. Hang tight!_**


	24. Chapter 24

**UPDATE:** I have begun posting the sequel, called _Road Maps_. You can link to it through my profile. I hope that you enjoy it as much as you enjoyed reading Branded. It has been a very different experience writing _Road Maps_, and I'm still very much hard at work on it. Updates won't be as quick as they were with _Branded_, I apologize for that.

Yes, Adam and Pandora are back in the sequel, in fact, they make quite a few appearances, and for those of you who complained that there weren't any lemons in _Branded_ there will be ample situations in _Road Maps._

Thank you all for taking the time to read _Branded_ and I truly hope that _Road Maps_ will be as interesting, if not more.

Here's the link in case you can't see it on my profile: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5080128/1/Road_Maps


	25. Chapter 25

**ATTENTION FAITHFUL READERS!**

**I just wanted to remind you all that there are outtakes posted for both Branded and Road Maps. **

**You can find the links on my profile page.**

**Don't forget to add them to your alerts so you know when there are new ones posted. As of right now (September 8, 2009) there are 9 outtakes for Branded and 3 for Road Maps. New ones are being put up as soon as they are ready.**

**I also can't thank you enough for the love and support you've all given me on this journey. YOU are the reason I keep writing, even when I hit a wall, it's your encouragement that keeps me going.**

**Big Emmett-sized hugs to you all.**

**Spread the love.**

**xoxo**

**Leelan Oleander**


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